Harry Burns: Had my dream again where I’m making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I’d nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.
I cannot stop watching the Olympics. Specifically, the swimming. I LOVE THE SWIMMING!
But really, the women’s swimsuits create an unfortunate side boob situation. It’s only like an A cup squishing out so it’s not a big deal. Besides, those unitard suits are so tight, where else could the boobage go? Man, those swimmers are cut. I should have never stopped swimming. I could have been a contender! Ok, probably not but they are inspiring me to athleticism.
Second to the swimming is gymnastics. The team from China is awesome but seriously they are not 16. It’s like one of them could say, “When I was 9 years old I won an Olympic Gold Medal.” And what’s with the make up on the gymnasts? USA is heavy on the eyeliner while China loves the blue eyeshadow. Both teams share a fondness for hair clips and scrunchies though. It’s like it’s 1992 or something. But then if it really was 1992 a lot of them would never have been BORN.
Yes, I can even make the Olympics about fashion don’ts.
This is all just to say that I am busy. Busy watching the Olympics. You understand why I haven’t read or commented much on blogs, right? Good. I just wanted to clear that up.
Tell me, if you were going to go for gold in an Olympic sport, what would it be?