Synchronize This

Harry Burns: Had my dream again where I’m making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I’d nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.

I cannot stop watching the Olympics. Specifically, the swimming. I LOVE THE SWIMMING!

But really, the women’s swimsuits create an unfortunate side boob situation. It’s only like an A cup squishing out so it’s not a big deal. Besides, those unitard suits are so tight, where else could the boobage go? Man, those swimmers are cut. I should have never stopped swimming. I could have been a contender! Ok, probably not but they are inspiring me to athleticism.

Second to the swimming is gymnastics. The team from China is awesome but seriously they are not 16. It’s like one of them could say, “When I was 9 years old I won an Olympic Gold Medal.” And what’s with the make up on the gymnasts? USA is heavy on the eyeliner while China loves the blue eyeshadow. Both teams share a fondness for hair clips and scrunchies though. It’s like it’s 1992 or something. But then if it really was 1992 a lot of them would never have been BORN.

Yes, I can even make the Olympics about fashion don’ts.

This is all just to say that I am busy. Busy watching the Olympics. You understand why I haven’t read or commented much on blogs, right? Good. I just wanted to clear that up.

Harry Burns: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally Albright: A journalist.
Harry Burns: Right, that’s what I said.

Tell me, if you were going to go for gold in an Olympic sport, what would it be?

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64 thoughts on “Synchronize This

  1. We were just noticing the other day the fat spillage out of those suits… on girls with no fat. It is definitely a fashion don’t.. but I am guessing boobs aren’t very aerodynamic.

    For the gold – I would do synchronized swimming. A little obsession I’ve had since reading, years ago, Starring Sally J Freedman as Herself by Judy Blume. I, of course, have no skills in this area.

    And you?

  2. I love that movie!!!!!!

    If we’re talking sports that actually exist in the Olympics, I’d probably go for gold in shot put. I love to hurl giant balls across a field πŸ˜›

    If I got to make up my own “sport,” I would totally nail a gold medal in closet organizing and maybe another in pantry organizing.

  3. I haven’t watched a single second of the Olympics. I know I should feel guilty about this but I don’t.

    If I could go for the gold… (present body weight not an issue) I think I would be a gymnast. Everyone loves a bendy girl.

  4. ditto on the swimming… could they not have more awesome bodies – long, lean, and hairless… yummy!

    i think if could compete – it would have to be for something domestic… like cleaning or grocery shopping – i’m not much of a sports person… ;o)

  5. I haven’t gotten a chance to watch much of the Olympics. We just haven’t really been home. Or we have been outside a lot since it has been nice out and when we come in it is bath time (for the kids) and then bed (for all of us!) I want to watch so badly because I love swimming. Swimming is my favorite sport, by far!

  6. Did you hear Bela Karolyi tell Bob Costas flat out that half the Chinese gymnastic team was underage? It was hysterical – this crazy man getting all worked up about cheating. I thought Bob Costas was going to flip his wig.

    I want to medal in synchro diving. Because it’s a combo of swimming (kind of) and gymnastics and those women have bodies to die for. My goal is a bronze, but really I’d be happy just to compete at the Olympics.

  7. My Olympic sport would be the longest to sit in a chair and stare at a white wall. I kid you not, I would win each and every time. I’m just THAT good.

    I too love watching the swimmers. I was on a swim team when I was kid and it was just lots of fun. But I’m glad I didn’t continue because I actually like having boobs. Sorry, but it’s true.

  8. Dude, those Chinese gymnasts are SO not 16! And I’ve always wondered about the overdose of hair barettes myself. Hahahahahaaaaa!

    Not big on the swimming, the suits are too big. I prefer a speedo on my swimmers. Now those male syncronized divers? Umm Umm.

    My gold would be in yoga, ’cause that’s about the only “athletic” thing I would ever be interested in dedicating myself to.

  9. I’m glad someone else feels the way I do about their hair scrunchies. I mean, seriously, who even knew they were still available to purchase? I guess I can understand trying to keep your hair from flying all over by using a hundred barrettes, though it looks ridiculous, but give up on the scrunchies, girls.

    I’m watching the Olympics, but bitter because the good stuff comes on so very late for us EST people. And I feel it’s worth staying up late to get a glimpse of those swimmers abs, especially the little muscle lines on their hip bones that lead downwards? Yum.

  10. It blows me away to see how the swimmers are so V-shaped. Wide wide shoulders and teeny little waists. My question is: Does the training make them that way or do people who have that type of body gravitate towards swimming?

    Either way, I know why I’m not a swimmer since I am shaped more like a Square than a V…

    Mr. Noodle

  11. I like the idea of Olympic napping. I would place gold, for sure.
    I’d love to be a diver. It’s the sporting path I never took, despite having the long legs and broad shoulders that would have made me a shoe-in!
    The boy and I had a lot of fun laughing at Bela Karolyi’s antics. I wish he could be a full time sports commentator!

  12. Volleyball. It’s the only sport I’m even somewhat decent at. Although it’s not as humorous as some of the sports your other commenters have come up with.

  13. Olympic sports I would want to medal in:

    1. Somewhat realistic: Volleyball or shotput
    2. Very unrealistic but still cool: Fencing (as in with swords, not building material)
    3. Just plan silly: Pizza eating! Look out Japan! πŸ˜‰

  14. When I was at school I was a serious gymnast, took part in all our competitions. Seems unbelievable now! When I think of the things I could get my body to do easily. Now I’m grateful if I can get it upright in the morning!!
    Nowadays I’d definitely get a (desperately needed) Gold for GB in the Chardonnay drinking competition ;o)

  15. LOVE the movie references. It really is the best one of all time, isn’t it?

    I wish I would’ve gotten really good at ping pong. Like Forrest Gump good. That would’ve been cool to medal in…

  16. The other thing I have noticed are goggle hickies. Like when they put their goggles on there are huge goggle hickies above their eyebrows! Love the Olympics. And no way in hell are those girls from China 16.
    I would win a medal in…wine drinking. yeah, that’s it.. LOL

  17. 100 meter backstroke. I missed it by that much.

    I’m glad you share my passion for watching the Olympics and swimming. I noticed the side boob thing too, but I sort of like it. It’s all about the skin.

  18. I ❀ the Olympics. It’s seriously the only time I am ever completely GLUED to my TV. During the winter Olympics back in 2006, it was the ONLY time I lived in that apartment that I even turned my TV on. I kid you not.

    I have done nothing at night this past week other than cook dinner and watch the Olympics. And I’m crazy happy doing it!

    You’re so right… those girls are NOT 16! No freaking way. Of course they have passports that say they are… for the love of god! They are IN China and China is so crazy they kicked a girl out of singing the national anthem because she wasn’t pretty enough! They made a prettier girl lip sing it! Um, hello crazy folks, I have no problem believing that you would forge passports to win a gold medal! /Rant

  19. I LOVE swimming too! Especially now that I swim twice a week… I totally marvel at the skillz these Olympians have.

    I have a good laugh at the other random sports… like trampoline?

  20. Me TOO! Oh my gosh, the women swimmers worry me. They’ve got no boobs and some serious lats (not to mention their necks). I mean, the women gymnastic teams run around in tight, riding up the butt suits… cant the swimmers find something that at least looks… female?

    And didnt one of the Chinese girls lose a baby tooth this week? Seriously.

  21. I am addicted to the swimming and those bodies OMG are amazing – I agree about the whole lack of boob thing and really think that the difference between the womans front and back is pretty much negligible.

    As for the Chinese children do they think that we are all that naive to think they are not close to going thru puperty…. 16 years old – WTF are you kidding “us”

  22. swimming! it would damn straight be in swimming. i used to swim for years and years, and watching these races lately really make me miss it. and um, drool over michael phelps and the rest of their bodies.

  23. I was just trying to explain to Jake last night, who was convinced that some of the female swimmers were male, about the whole boob situation. Because I have small boobs also, I can relate to them being completely flattened by a swimsuit like that. Plus their upper bodies are so damn huge that you don’t notice the chest so much as the GIANT SHOULDERS AND ARMS.

    Nevertheless, I think if I could be any sort of Olympic Athlete, I would be a swimmer. I dream of being that strong (but maybe a hair more feminine looking).

  24. As a gymnast of 10 years…Gymnastics all the way!!! The girls swimsuits are disturbing. Their lats are out of control. That cut may be aerodynamic but it is the most unflattering thing I have ever seen!

  25. I keep thinking that if these crazy athletes have “fat” skin, whatever hanging out of their clothes – then what chance in hell do I have to look normal.

    Toss up – gymnastics and diving. I wish I could fly through the air the way they do.

  26. I always tell Stefan that he’d qualify for the Bed Flopping Olympics.

    I can’t turn the TV off and go to bed like I should when gymnastics is on. Something about the 9 year old chinese gymnasts in blue eye shadow, and listening to the inane circle talk by the Americans (“We’re going to do it. All we need to do is show them we’re number 1! USA!”), and cursing the person (man) who invented the 4 inch wide balance beam – I’m morbidly fascinated.

    Getting tired of seeing Michael Phelp’s mug. I’d be more stoked if he showed any kind of personality, but I guess if all you’ve done is “Eat, swim and sleep” your entire life, you wouldn’t have time to develop social skills.

    There’s something a little weird about synchronized diving. I hate the double standard of the women beach volleyball players in their bikinis while the men wear baggy shorts and shirts (and I was wholly disheartened when I saw a bunch of bikini girls on the court at the beginning of a men’s game). And, finally, I too am distracted by the women’s Speedo swim suits and the men’s ripped muscles.

    Over and out.

  27. I would participate in any Olympic event where family dysfunction would give me and edge. I’m not really sure where that is, but I would totally own.

  28. I’d want to be on the gymnastics team, I was pretty fearless and good at it when I was younger. But now? I am constantly holding my breath afraid they will fall off the bars or the beam.
    Swimmers have ridiculously awesome bodies! Makes me want to find a pool here and start doing laps everyday. Instead, I will likely just find a lounge chair and work on my tan.

  29. 3 position smallbore rifle.
    I’m actually serious.
    If i put in the time I could be there. The time and money to get to international competitions.
    Sigh.

  30. Thank you for bringing to everyone’s attention the backfat nonfat issue! I was concerned, but you’ve cleared it up. THE SUITS ARE TO BLAME!

    And, nice Harry/Sally tie-in. Very clever.

  31. What Olympic sport would I medal in? Hell, I would just be thrilled to be able to walk across the floor without tripping or run to my mailbox without huffing and puffing.

  32. I’m fascinated by the Luge in the Winter Olympics and it does not APPEAR to require much athletic ability. But, I’m probably dead wrong about that.

  33. Real sport? I like the swimming. And diving. And fencing. Oo, if it was fencing, I wouldn’t have to fit into the itty bitty suit. Definitely fencing.

    My sport? Nacho cheese dorito-eating while watching men’s college basketball.

    Or: “I have the perfect puppy dog look and you will do what I say.” I could definitely get the gold in that if all the judges were my husband!

  34. Totally gymnastics! Because, really, I’m perfect for the sport what with being 6-feet tall.

    Seriously, though, I’m totally old enough to remember Olga Corbett. I know most of your readers probably won’t remember her, but she was the Gymnastics gold girl before Nadia. (Do you guys remember Nadia? I was IN LOVE with Nadia. Remember, she earned a perfect 10 to the theme of the Young and the Restless.)

  35. i have been so into the olympics this year too it’s crazy. i have never really been into them before, but this year it’s like they added drugs to the broadcast because i’m addicted, haha.

  36. I wanted to be a cyclist. I used to spend my weekends living on my bike in California. Now, with my middle aged body that can barely do yoga, I think I am better positioned to take gold in the Academy Awards Acceptance speech competition. I have written my own speech so many times, I am confident I would take all three medals on my own… Of course, I would leave the bronze one on the podium. It’s quite the unattractive medal. Who needs it, really?

  37. I haven’t watched as much of the Olympics as I have in past years. But I have been watching bits of it. I miss scrunchies though. They worked great in my hair. *sigh*

  38. I ALSO LOVE THE SWIMMING! Have been staying up past bedtime to watch.

    If I were to go for gold, it would definitely be in swimming or in track and field; when I was younger, I used to dream of being an Olympic swimmer. Now, I’d be happy to crack 4 hours in a marathon πŸ™‚

  39. When the divers do their diving and hit the water their little pants fall off. I’ve seen many boy-bum’s in the under-water shots πŸ˜‰

    The Olympics is so much fun! I always love it – but you already know that πŸ˜‰ I’d play badminton. It’s the only sport I’ve ever been good at πŸ™‚

  40. Without a doubt, my sport would be gymnastics. As a kid I was always cartwheeling, tumbling, balancing walking (on the curb in front of our house) something!

  41. We have been watching it too. And we like to make fun of the people. Mean hey? Haha!

    We love the commentary, so funny!
    “Look at her dreams dissolve!”
    “This is his focused face!”
    “Bob, looks like he won’t be going home with that medal after all…”

    So funny! Gee way to squish their dreams and hard work!

    I love watching the gymnastics, but would give my left leg to have a female volleyball players body! Super cut!

  42. What distracts me with the gymnasts is all the hairclips in their hair. Seriously, they must put an entire pack in there. Ted said it must be their version of “flair.”

    As for the sport, I have no athletic talent whatsoever, so if I were to just make myself a champ in something, then it would probably be gymnastics or swimming b/c I’m an attention whore.

  43. eastern asian, especually chinese, usually look much younger than the westerners at the same age~ this is true as i am a chinese too. i look 10 years younger comparing with the westerner with the same age. believe me!

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