Kindly, Shut The Fuck Up

My sister and I went to see Bon Iver on Saturday. There were two opening performers so we arrived around 9:30 even though the tickets said the show started at 8pm. The first opening act was still on stage which meant it was going to be a long night. This is how you know I am past my concert-going prime- when I dread multiple openers for a show. But I seriously don’t want to be crammed into a small, sweaty space with drunk fucktards until 1am. I did that enough in my twenties.

I have become a concert-going curmudgeon.

I would much rather go to a sit down show because at least then people are more likely to behave with some semblance of decorum. They are less likely to be smashed out of their minds or to block your view with their inane “dancing.” At the show on Saturday, we had the unfortunate opportunity to stand next to a girl and her friend who, while throwing back beers like water, managed to sing louder than the microphoned singer. Ok, we GET IT- you know all the words. And when she wasn’t singing, she was talking LOUDLY to her friend, saying things that would ensure that everyone around her would get that she “knew” the singer such as, “Oh silly Justin, he doesn’t know that people here don’t care about sports” after Justin Vernon (lead singer) asked the crowd how the Seahawks were going to do this season. Excuse me but my boyfriend would beg to differ. If he were here, he’d kick your ass for being stupid and annoying. And seriously, if you’re so tight with the lead singer, how come you are all the fuck way back here against the very back wall of the BALCONY?

It’s by choice, man. Conscious choice.

THEN she blathered on about other in-the-know tidbits at such a high volume that people in front of her were turning around to shoot her looks like “I hate you” or “Please die” or “I want to pour my drink on you but I hate to waste $4 beer.” Dokey leaned past me to say “Seriously!” and shoot them a look but they were, as people like this are wont to be, clueless. Finally, I leaned over past her friend and said directly to her, “Could you please try to not talk so much?” My request was met with an incredulous stare and I’m sure they were bitching or making fun of me after that but I decided in an effort to not lose my shit, I would totally tune them out. They were “quiet” for the rest of the song and then, right back to regular top volume and singing at the next one. By then it was already midnight and Dokey had to get home to Finn and I had to put my curmudgeony ass to bed. After I washed my dentures and put in my ear plugs that is.

43 thoughts on “Kindly, Shut The Fuck Up

  1. You know you’re too old. LOL.

    When did it become accpetable to talk during the show? It’s the DVD/VCR generation they forget there are other people around.

  2. Ok, this makes me feel better because when I go to concerts and come across monkeys butts like that, I want to smack them and tell them to shut the hell up!

  3. I am right there with you on this one. I have not been to a concert for ten years. However, I was once the concert queen. Not sure what happened, but I don’t miss it.

  4. That happened to me at the last show I went to. So I just stood uncomfortably close to them and nodded along, like I was part of the conversation. The loud talkers ended up moving pretty quickly. It’s the beauty of having a much higher embarrassment/awkwardness threshold than a lot of people.

  5. Okay, I’m young but I still absolutely hate this. I feel old sometimes because I’d much rather just be sitting and enjoying, but my friends are all for the whole pushing your way to the front row thing. Fun! But I’m usually pretty much over it.

  6. I think that’s why these days I only seem to go to concerts that old farts like myself will be attending. None of that rudeness to deal with then.

  7. She apparently had esteem issues. (and manner issues)

    Good for you for asking politely for her to STFU 🙂 I bet you and sis could have taken them if it got ugly.

  8. Ok, I haven’t been to a concert since the dark ages, but I can’t even handle going to movies anymore. I am not certain whether it’s me being easily annoyed or people are just growing stupider and more annoying in public now than ever before.

  9. I went to an outdoor Jimmy Buffet concert last month (for some reason) and felt the same way. Especially when the security guard asked me to put out my cigarette. I was like “Seriously?? I can see at least six people smoking weed from where I’m standing and I have to put on my Marlboro??”

    Mr. Noodle

  10. Hey, it’s not that you are a curmudgeon. Nobody likes idiot-behavior, no matter what the age.

    I remember being in my early 20’s, and going to see Rush, because Marillion was going to be with them in one of their very few American Tour stops– and I very nearly got into a fight with not one, but TWO people! One in front(who yelled stupid mean stuff), one behind, who “spilled” her beer on me(and laughed). I hated to waste the ticket fee, but after Marillion was done, we got out of there. I would have liked to see more with Rush, but it just wasn’t worth it.

    Over the years, I guess I have less patience in general with the crowd thing. One reason, we don’t go places. It’s like, “Eh.” I save crowd tolerance for special seasonal events! 😉

  11. Oh this is such a pet hate of mine too! You know how I went to see the love of my life in June? Those tickets were so expensive, for EVERYONE and yet people were up and down out of their seats, chatting, taking loo breaks (It’s only a 2 hour show FFS!). At $140 a ticket you’d think they would want to shut up and enjoy him! Good for you for telling her to shut her mouth :o)
    (Yes I’m a grumpy old woman too!)

  12. I am the same way about concerts. Everyone goes on and on about how awesome DC’s 9:30 club is, and it’s true that they get great performers, but the ambiance there drives me NUTS.

  13. This was one of the main problems we had with the latest Sara Bareilles show and part of the reason why we are now swearing off the House of Blues.

  14. We could totally go to concerts together. We’d be a perfect grumpy fit. Especially now that I have to wear progressive lenses in my glasses.

  15. HA HA! I’m the same way about going to bars now. We used to love to go listen to our fave local bands but they don’t even start until around 11pm. 11pm?!? I need to be asleep for a couple hours at least by that time! Ah, the olden days of drunken stupor that didn’t even begin until midnight…I don’t miss ’em.

  16. I am getting old, too. A few weeks ago I went to a concert that lasted almost four hours before the headliner came on and I was tired and crabby by then…

    As for the talkers…A few years ago I went to a Joan Baez concert with my mom…We sat by the only two Repubs in the house who talked the whole time, criticizing Joan and everything she sang or said. I glared a lot and coughed. They didn’t get it.

  17. I don’t have much patience for concerts anymore. Heck, I take my ear plugs to the show. And to movies when I remember. Takes the edge off the loud but perhaps more importantly, the fucktards.

  18. Is it bad that all I could think of while reading this post was the scene in Say Anything where Joe responds to Lloyd about why they’re hanging out at a quickie mart with “It’s a choice, man”. And then of course, followed by “Lloyd, Lloyd, all null and void.”

    But yah, I’m 90 and can’t stand concerts anymore, either.

  19. I hear ya — I HATE it when people in the audience sing along SO loudly to the music…I didn’t pay $$$ for tickets to hear random drunk girls sing! Yeah, definately been there.

  20. OMG! I hate that about concerts. It’s even worse at smaller club shows. It drives me nuts. And I can totally relate (and we go to a LOT of shows)…if I can’t sit through the show, I’m just not up for the show.

  21. OMG, I saw Aerosmith while sitting next to those same two girls 10 years ago. Except that they spent the entire concert going “WHOOOOO!” as loud as possible, constantly, during every song.

    When they played my favorite song towards the end, I leaned over and asked if they could not “Whoo” during this song, as it was my favorite and wanted to hear it. They looked at me like I was nuts, and somehow managed to “WHOO!” louder.

  22. I’m this same way at concerts. Everyone teases me that I act way to old for my age. I don’t care. “You kids shush up so I can listen to my tunes!*

    *Not an actual quote, thank goodness….yet.

  23. I right there with you on this. Why do the self centered asshats seem to gather at public events where everyone is supposed to enjoy themselves? Sure everyone is free to enjoy themselves in their own way but stop infringing on my enjoyment dammit!

  24. Can I just say that I LOVE it when you do this? I would never have the balls to speak up to a stranger like that, and I’d probably just end up boiling inside. I’m sure the people sitting around the annoying girl loved you after this 🙂

  25. Those types are always there, aren’t they? You know the ones who actually know the band don’t even mention the fact.

    I’m so glad to hear someone else say they’re getting past the gigging thing, where you’d much rather have a seat (even though obviously you stand to watch the act) and skip the support acts. I thought I was just losing my cool or something 😉

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