To say I am in overwhelm is a bit of an understatement.
I am, essentially, working three jobs. I had meetings on Monday in the hopes of mapping out what I MUST do verses what I SHOULD do so that some of my duties can be put on hold until my replacement is hired. I left those meetings with MORE stuff to do.
Don’t mind my whimpering.
People congratulate me on the new position and honestly I haven’t even had a chance to bask in my accomplishment. People ask me when I start. Um, I already started. I basically started two days after the job was offered to me. I had to- there are two upcoming fundraisers in November plus a bigger one in March which requires prep now. Meanwhile, I was already inundated in my former position because Fall is one of my busiest volunteer recruitment times. I have three huge stacks of data entry taunting me on my desk but I can’t seem to get through the mountain of emails, voice mails, meetings, reports, and trainings. I’ve already been working ten hour days and am considering working on the weekend just to find my sanity.
I’m pretty sure it’s hiding in the third stack of files.
On top of that, I am on two hiring committees- one for my replacement and one for another development person. Hiring someone takes TIME. I do not have time and yet, it’s important for me to be a part of these hires since I have to work very closely with them. When I look at my “to do” list I can’t find anything to feasibly cross off without upsetting someone or negatively impacting their program. This is not the best predicament to be in for a (recovering) people pleaser.
And don’t get me started on the Apartment Manager job because I am avoiding it like the plague. Which is hard to do when you LIVE IN THE PLAGUE. Yes, there are light bulbs out that desperately need changing and I know that the cigarette butts are piling up on the balconies and sure, it’s probably time to vacuum. But when can I do this?! At 8pm at night when I get home or 6am in the morning before I go to work? It will just have to wait for the weekend. My weekends are working weekends.
Wait. What’s a weekend? Refresh my memory.
Meanwhile, The Fella has been out of work for over six weeks. His contract ended at his former place of business and he’s been diligently applying for jobs with very little response. This is incredibly disheartening. I know he is struggling to put on a brave face, especially in light of the recent letter he received from his landlord informing him that as of December 1st his rent is going up $360. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That apartment is not worth over $900. That landlord will likely see a mass exodus from his run down building which serves him right. (And yes, it is legal to raise the rent more than 10% in Washington State IF you give 60 days notice.) That’s the last thing The Fella needed.
So, you see, The Fella and I are on completely different ends of the employment spectrum. Me: overworked, drained, stressed. Him: underworked, anxious, stressed. This is not good. We’re very aware of the outside factors negatively influencing our relationship and have countless conversations about it. He’s working through some difficult internal battles and I am doing what I normally do when in overwhelm- I’m internally shutting down. It’s horrible timing because I know he needs support and yet all I feel capable of doing lately is focusing on getting through the day and then coming home to go to bed. I have nothing to give because I am not giving to myself. And I don’t know how to find the time to give to myself so I can in turn give to other people.
Who can I petition for an extra day in the week?
I realize this is only temporary. The Fella will not be unemployed forever and I will not be working multiple jobs forever but the next few weeks or months are going to be very trying. I know it will all work out. It’s just holding onto the faith that this too shall pass. There is opportunity here. It’s times like these that can show us what we’re made of.