Piss & Vinegar

“What happened to you right there?” he asked, pointing to the scab between my eyes.

“I scratched myself,” I replied (if “scratching myself” is code for picked at a painful zit then I wasn’t lying).

Besides, didn’t anyone teach him it’s rude to point.

*****

The building vacuum kept dying after only 3/4 of the hall was vacuumed. EVERY FUCKING TIME.

It would have been almost funny if I wasn’t under a time crunch to get it done before the carpet cleaners arrive. And the vacuum wasn’t just over 6 months old.

So after three floors of that bullshit, I gave up and drank wine while watching the Food Network.

*****

I dropped my cell phone one too many times so the flip part of the flip phone was cracked. After sending a text, I accidentally dropped it on the floor of my car and the screen went blank. NOoooOOOooo! I was a master texter on that phone. I could text without looking with minimal mistakes. That’s an awesome skill!

I managed to get a very nice customer service agent at the AT&T store (hi Callie on Broadway) who hooked me up with a new red SHINE. It’s pretty but I can’t for the life of me send a text without mistakes and I have to LOOK when I text. I can’t even finish a damn text without accidentally sending it because the back mini joystick is also the send button. Smart thinking phone maker people! (Not.) To those of you who have had to suffer my lame, half-finished texts, my sincere apologies. It almost makes me want to call people instead of texting. I know! What has the world come to!?

*****

Why did I fork out $100 for a Bluetooth when all I see are people holding their cell phones while driving? Didn’t they get the memo? It’s AGAINST THE LAW.

Being a goody-goody has never served me.

****

At 10pm on a Saturday there was a knock on my door. Since my face was covered in a green anti-acne mask, I ignored it. Besides, someone was throwing a small party and I did not want to deal with a noise complaint. Ten minutes later while I was washing my face I heard knocking on my next door neighbors door and voices. Next thing I know, another knock. . . my downstairs neighbor who is throwing the party, plastic cup full of red wine in hand, along with a friend were standing outside my door.

“Oh! You must have just arrived home!” she remarked.

“Can I help you?” I replied, skipping over the fact that I was avoiding the door earlier due to my bra-less, facial-masked self.

“Do you have a plunger I can borrow?” she asked sheepishly.

“Sure,” I said, closing the door to retrieve it from the bathroom.

As I handed it over she promised to return it right away. “That’s okay. You can keep it.” Because really, a plunger is not something one wants back unless it’s been sterilized.

****

I gave up my cushy volunteer coordinating job to manage fundraising events during horrible economic times. Why did I do that? Oh right. For the challenge. I wasn’t actually prepared for THIS.

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39 thoughts on “Piss & Vinegar

  1. It’s been one of those weekends, huh?

    I’ve done that dropping it thing to my mobile over and over – and on the street too. There’s a beautiful crack running down the screen so deciphering text messages is always really fun πŸ˜‰ I’m going to have to relent and buy a new one soon, I think.

  2. Haha. I pointed out a scab on my friend’s face Friday night. She avoided telling me what it was, but I persisted until she admitted it was a zit.

    I didn’t know. I was worried it might be early onset eczema, or worse, an STD. You know, all those STD’s that make your face break out.

    Good call on the plunger. That’s like asking can I borrow a piece of gum.

  3. I want wine right now. I wonder how my school would feel about me getting shitfaced in the computer lab. Probably fine, right?

  4. Icky…

    I hope your salary isn’t based on fundraising. I know our folks here are a bit worried about the cash flow coming in.

  5. Yup, sounds like one of those weeks. I realize I keep dropping my purse on the floor even though it has stuff like my phone and camera and eventually I will have to bitch when things get broken or stop working.

  6. I assume this apartment management thing is worth it, because damn. I don’t know how you do it.

    Hoping things are looking up. I think everyone (and everything) is in a funk — let’s hope for some brighter days.

  7. Yes, but it’s only and secondary offense. *slaps forehead* Lame. Why isn’t just an offense? Stupid wishy washy law.

    Plus, excellent point about the borrowed plunger. :o)

  8. I don’t envy your job in these economic times. I know I’ve been more hestitant to donate to various causes (except for a certain Presidential campaign that I’ve been sending ~$10 to every week!) Good, good luck!

  9. I just want a stylist who can cut my hair properly. Ok, yes I want one who is a mind-reader.

    After 3 years w/ the same phone, I can text w/o looking too. I am not looking forward to upgrading my phone.

  10. Life is never dull at Chez Sizz!

    I think you should have answered the door as is … I guarantee you that they will never darken your doorway again! LOL

  11. I wanted to send the opposite of piss and vinegar your way, but all that came to mind when I thought that was poop and olive oil.

    I’ll just send good juju instead.

    Thanks for sharing your (highly entertaining) tragedies. πŸ™‚

  12. Plungers are so gross! I don’t even want to look at mine after one of us has used it. I can’t imagine after a stranger used it!

    Food Network and wine sounds like just what you (and I) need.

  13. Returning a plunger is just wrong.
    And as I have washed my cell phone and am still text challenged on my new one – I feel your pain.

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