Let me explain to you what is posing as my life right now.

There are two units available in my building which means my free time is non-existent. This past weekend, for example, I spent my only day off showing the units and cleaning the building. The vacuum I so thoughtfully purchased mere months ago will only allow me to vacuum 3/4 of a hallway at a time. It keeps overheating which means the pain in the ass chore of vacuuming takes twice as long. Someone left a plastic spoon in the hallway. As an experiment, I left it there to see how long it would take for someone else to pick it up. It was there for THREE days before I almost blew a gasket and picked it up. Instead of walking 10 steps to the recycling dumpster, a tenant will shove a huge armful of junk mail in the bin by the mailboxes just because they can. And they can, don’t get me wrong, but even if I was not the manager I would probably just take that stuff out to the bigger bins because it’s common courtesy. Am I wrong? Or is this just a case of me having too high expectations of people?

I am going on two months of working both positions at my job. I am nearing complete insanity. Some people will recommend just not doing most of my old job while others will suggest I take time off. There can be no time off. I have worked the past two Sundays at fundraisers and will work another one this Sunday. Events require preparation and follow up which is why I scheduled a week off around Thanksgiving. We had some excellent candidates the first round but two of them bowed out and the third took almost two weeks to make up her mind (while she interviewed elsewhere). We dipped back into the pool of applicants and pulled out some more and now have a few more internal candidates (who knew so many people I work with were interested in my job?!) so there is more interviewing. Interviewing takes time. Precious time I don’t have to spare. I get to work and look at my desk and think fuck this. Then I sit down and plow through my day. My attitude is starting to rot. I have no cheer. If a coworker asks me how I am, I give them a look. I am barely hanging on to any semblance of sanity.

Meanwhile, all of this is taking a toll on my relationship. The Fella is still pounding the pavement looking for work which comes with its own set of issues. He’s dealing with his own stuff while I’m knee deep in mine. Things are really rough and neither of us has a solution. Under other circumstances, I’d probably be more focused on fixing it but I have gone completely numb. I can’t deal. Most of the time I just want to be alone because I can control things when it’s just me. Throw anyone else in the mix and I might flip out. I want to be more relaxed but that’s just not possible right now. I don’t want to be a rigid, cold bitch but every day I lose that battle.

I just want to go to sleep for a very long time. Wake me when it’s over.


36 thoughts on “Thread

  1. Ugg! Why are people so unwilling to clean things up a little on their own? I mean…I would consider a hallway to my apartment sort of like my yard. I want a clean yard. Pick up the damn spoons, people! No one cares that you didn’t drop it there. Geeze.

    I’m sorry you are knee deep in all of this and believe me I hear you on the fella and him looking for work. It’s such a terrible market right now. Kasey has been submitting applications DAILY for MONTHS and we have gotten not one call back. It’s so frustrating.

    Here’s to hoping everything gets better soon. And when it does? We all deserve a nice long vacation. Because I said so.

  2. That plastic spoon scenario would have made me lose my shit too…I hate laziness and sloth!

    I hope you are getting compensated for both positions..otherwise, I agree: tell them to shove it on the old position! It’s their problem it’s not filled.

    I think this all calls for something nice for yourself – massage, pedi, facial…treat yourself, you deserve it!

  3. That thing with the spoon doesn’t surprise me. I live with my sister and boyfriend and often leave things to see if they’ll pick up after themselves and they never do!

    The going numb when things are going wrong: I can relate to that. Try not to worry tho the Fella sounds like a good guy who understands how life works.

  4. I can relate to just going on autopilot and not wanting to put any real emotion into anything. And the people that say this too shall pass mean well but have to clue they’re risking their life by saying it, I understand that too. At this point, I wouldn’t even say just hang in there, because you have been hanging in there.

    What I would say is 1) do what you can, and 2) force yourself to put your needs first at least once a day. Whether it means getting a lunch break or taking a walk around the block or saying NO to someone, do it. You deserve that much.

  5. Ugh, stress will eat us alive if we don’t put our feet (foot?) down. The only thing I would say is try try try to find little things you can do during the day that bring you some joy. Listen to great music (Xanadu soundtrack always does the trick for me) or a comedy CD for 5 minutes every few hours. Make yourself breakfast for dinner (this one’s a winner too). Do some yoga stretching at your desk or sneak out for a lunchtime pedicure. And try not to feel guilty about not having the energy to devote to the relationship. I’m sure Fella knows you both have stuff to work out on your own right now.

  6. Ah geez, Sizz. You’ve really got it coming at you. You are working 3 jobs! Can anyone pitch in at work and perhaps share some of the responsibilities of your old job with you until the position is filled? Are you taking a lunch hour whether you are busy or not? Go to a bookstore and browse or grab a coffee and sit – just sit – and people-watch. Take some “me time” during the day whether you have time or not — you’ll find that you are much more productive if you steal some time for yourself.

    I’ve been there with the Fella issues — there’s nothing worse than being what I call “overemployed” when he is unemployed. You don’t have enough hours in the day for what you have to do, and he has way too much time to ponder what’s going on (or not going on) in his day. And neither of you can truly feel sympathetic towards the other. Gah! NOT. FAIR. All I can say is that it will eventually balance out, once he is working and you aren’t so crazy with your own job.

    I’m not surprised in the least at the spoon issue. My husband manages properties for a social services agency that provides free or greatly reduced housing, and every day he goes out to the complex and picks up piece after piece of garbage while they watch. I guess because you manage the place you’re also supposed to clean it? Don’t get me going…I’ll be here all day!

    I hope the winds change for you soon and things level off. Until then, consider yourself hugged!

  7. I do not believe that expecting someone to pick up their trash or hell even someone else’s is having a high expectation. Seriously humanity is shitty but you and I need to remain the “better person” and pick up the fucking spoon for those too goddamn lazy and self-centered to do it. THOSE people can rot, Sizzle, not you. You’re too good for this shite! I’m all uppity about it now and wanna punch someone for you, just tell me who.

  8. Grrrrr I do wish I lived closer – I would take you shopping for red shoes and buy you wine and force you to take a break even for just an hour!
    *Hugs* and more *Hugs* :o)

  9. I don’t have much by way of advice to offer, but I’m here for you and I know you are going to be better than fine when all of the dust settles. Remember to make time for you, and also to breathe. Breathing is good. Big love.

  10. Yep. I have different stresses going on right now, but you totally summed up how I feel. I need a day off, but like you there can not be one right now.

    I hope things calm down for both of us soon!

  11. I once told Alissa, “life will get better — and until it does, wine will help.” I’d like to throw that out there now, again.

    Until things do, though? Lean on your friends and family, scream into pillows, allow yourself to relax as much as possible (even if it’s only 30 minutes/day) and maybe have extra sex with the Fella. Stress relief…

  12. See that person curled up tightly in a fetal position next to you? Yeah, thats me. We are back in the tenant market and it has driven me to the brink. I need a good long nap too.

  13. If I actually hugged people, I’d give you one 🙂 I don’t think your expectations are too high, but I think that you’re like me in that we expect the same out of others that we would do — only we just do more than most. With this economy (we just had layoffs ourselves), I’m surprised you’ve had such flaky candidates. I hope things settle down for you soon and you get your sanity back…

  14. Events will suck up your life if you let them. (I know I used to do event planning. Still do from time to time.) And it’s not the kind of thing you can let go.

    Either way, I hear you. It’s hard to be supportive when you are going a bit mental yourself. I have this tendency to turn in on myself when I’m stressed. Maybe an evening with the fella, even if you’re not 100 per cent happy will put things in perspective and de-stress you a bit. Just a thought… sometimes alone is not the best place to be.

  15. That dang vacuum comes up again to bite work in the ass and make it twice as hard! You should go all out Office Space style and beat the living shit out of it in the middle of field.

    Anyway, I hope time helps you along soon. All this work will leave you burning for some peace and quiet. I hope you get that soon, at least one day a week to relax and breathe.XOXO

  16. The postal carrier leaves piles of junk mail for our apartment complex in this area right under the mailboxes. Once I threw all of them into the recycling and the next day there was an evil note up by the mailboxes telling the residents not to touch the mail. Apparently someone wanted that junk mail and complained. I have never thrown away the junk mail since. I am in fear of being scolded again.

    So maybe others have had similar stories and that’s why they don’t take more initiative!!

  17. It is amazing the lack of common courtesy many people have! Okay, here’s a thought… you need to hire someone for your old job. The fella needs a job. Bingo! Well, okay, I realize it is quite likely your old job is not at all in the fella’s line of work…

  18. You’ll get through this, I promise. The spoon may not ever get picked up, and the mail may not get moved, but if sometimes some people will help out. And at work, eventually you’ll hire someone and only have to do one job. And there’s that week at Thanksgiving to look forward too. As for the Fella, you guys are good for each other, and you’ll get through this too. You’ll probably even come out the other side a bit stronger.

    In the meantime, keep swimming. Going to sleep until it’s all over isn’t going to help, although going numb and just plowing on through probably will. Keep your chin up, chica. You can make it through. I promise.


  19. I have no advice as advice is not what you want.
    You want a hug and a glass of wine in a nice hot bubble bath, or bed and a good book. I hope it happens for you soon. Hugs and love.

  20. Oh, Sizzle, I’m overwhelmed just reading about your life right now. I hope you can hold on until Thanksgiving and then take some time for yourself and time for your relationship. I wish I could help.

  21. You’ve got a bucket load of stuff to deal with. I wish there were something I could do. I really hope things clear up soon for you. Really, really do.

    *Big Hugs*

  22. Why are you killing yourself being Mr. Roper? Quit that job now. Life is too short. And you are expecting wayyyy tooooo much out of your tenants. I would never have picked up the germ infested plastic spoon. Gross.

  23. I am sending big hugs your way. And I want you to know, I think you’re inspiring for doing so much. And you have every right to feel the way you do. Even if you weren’t doing so much, you would still have a right to feel that way.

    Here’s to hoping there will be some end to the madness soon. Or a lot of sleep during that week off 😉

  24. Honey, we hear you.

    It’s like every tenuous thread is stretched to it’s limit and everything’s about to break. Or maybe it has broken.

    Things that you thought were there are gone, but you’re at least left with each other.

    I pray you find the strength to give each other what you need– because you’ll get it back in spades (at least that’s what I keep telling myself)

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