Let me explain to you what is posing as my life right now.
There are two units available in my building which means my free time is non-existent. This past weekend, for example, I spent my only day off showing the units and cleaning the building. The vacuum I so thoughtfully purchased mere months ago will only allow me to vacuum 3/4 of a hallway at a time. It keeps overheating which means the pain in the ass chore of vacuuming takes twice as long. Someone left a plastic spoon in the hallway. As an experiment, I left it there to see how long it would take for someone else to pick it up. It was there for THREE days before I almost blew a gasket and picked it up. Instead of walking 10 steps to the recycling dumpster, a tenant will shove a huge armful of junk mail in the bin by the mailboxes just because they can. And they can, don’t get me wrong, but even if I was not the manager I would probably just take that stuff out to the bigger bins because it’s common courtesy. Am I wrong? Or is this just a case of me having too high expectations of people?
I am going on two months of working both positions at my job. I am nearing complete insanity. Some people will recommend just not doing most of my old job while others will suggest I take time off. There can be no time off. I have worked the past two Sundays at fundraisers and will work another one this Sunday. Events require preparation and follow up which is why I scheduled a week off around Thanksgiving. We had some excellent candidates the first round but two of them bowed out and the third took almost two weeks to make up her mind (while she interviewed elsewhere). We dipped back into the pool of applicants and pulled out some more and now have a few more internal candidates (who knew so many people I work with were interested in my job?!) so there is more interviewing. Interviewing takes time. Precious time I don’t have to spare. I get to work and look at my desk and think fuck this. Then I sit down and plow through my day. My attitude is starting to rot. I have no cheer. If a coworker asks me how I am, I give them a look. I am barely hanging on to any semblance of sanity.
Meanwhile, all of this is taking a toll on my relationship. The Fella is still pounding the pavement looking for work which comes with its own set of issues. He’s dealing with his own stuff while I’m knee deep in mine. Things are really rough and neither of us has a solution. Under other circumstances, I’d probably be more focused on fixing it but I have gone completely numb. I can’t deal. Most of the time I just want to be alone because I can control things when it’s just me. Throw anyone else in the mix and I might flip out. I want to be more relaxed but that’s just not possible right now. I don’t want to be a rigid, cold bitch but every day I lose that battle.
I just want to go to sleep for a very long time. Wake me when it’s over.