I can tell that I am trying people’s patience with my woe-is-me posts. Trust me, I’m trying my own (and I have very little patience to begin with). For those of you commenting and emailing, thank you for your support. It really means a lot even if I can’t respond to each of you given my current time constraints. For those of you who aren’t commenting, maybe in an effort to refrain from telling me to grow a pair already, I get it. There are only so many times one can hear complaining without wanting to walk away. Lordy, do I get that.

A person can get to a point where her body starts to tell her to pay attention because her stress level is out of control. I’ve been bracing for a cold once my week vacation hits because that is just the way of life. You work your ass off and the moment you sit still, you start sneezing and blowing your nose. That hasn’t happened yet (give it a week) but I did manage to hurt my back. I have no idea how but it suddenly hurt to turn my head too far to the left or to look down to the right. A shooting pain would snake its way up the middle of my back and along my left shoulder blade landing smack in the middle of my shoulder.

Not awesome.

The back pain reminded me of, years ago, when I trained for a marathon. During one of the longer training walks I doubled over in pain. My back was inexplicably tensing up and my lower back in particular was knotted to the point where it hurt to walk. As I hobbled along, I started to cry in defeat. I wanted to accomplish what I had set out to do and it was looking like my body was sabotaging that. I took myself to the acupuncturist who suctioned glass jars all over my back. I felt like I had been attacked by an octupus. I had to take a Chinese herb to calm my nerves and slap stinky smelling patches on the most painful areas. We later came to the conclusion that the back spasms were from emotional turmoil and high levels of stress. Training for the marathon was pushing me through a lot of old feelings of physical inadequacy. That coupled with a workplace that was very dysfunctional and toxic, I was not in a good mental space.

And here we are again.

I broke down and got a massage last night. The massage therapist spent a great deal of time kneading that painful area. It’s a bit sore today but less painful than it was yesterday. I am far from recovered but I’m paying closer attention to how I am managing my stress. Baby steps.

I’m trying not to focus on the fact that I have a ten hour day today. Three interviews for my replacement. Please PLEASE please let one of them be it.


46 thoughts on “Spasm

  1. I’m sorry. I’ve been lacking in my blogging and commenting for a while now.

    The only thing I have as words of wisdom (and I had to dig deep) was this –> Time.

    You just need a little bit more time to pass and everything most things will start falling into place.

    There you have it. The best I can offer.

    And remember, the person you hire does not have to be a Mini-Sizzle. There isn’t one anywhere. You are unique and you can not expect everyone you interview to be as organized as you are …

  2. I’m glad you took the time to get a massage and hope that helps. I’ll be thinking about you today and hoping you find your replacement. Baby steps are good. Keep it up and you’ll get through this. 🙂 Hugs!

  3. I treat myself to a visit to the chiropractor every other week. I have arthritis in my neck (yes I’m only 35). They give me a 10 massage, adjust my neck/back and then have me lay on a bed with those pulsating patches kneading my aches for another 10 minutes. I swear by it and love it!

  4. Sometimes we have to take a moment – or several – to vent to someone who isn’t sitting in front of us, trying to solve our problems. It’s completely within your rights.

    Just try to take care of yourself. I’ll cross my fingers for today’s interviews!

  5. I know I always come back to the same thing- but try to go back to yoga. It does wonders for mental and physical health! I truly believe it helps keep me balanced and I always walk out of there feeling like I’ve massaged my heart and soul, just as much as my body.

  6. I may not comment often, but I’m here reading all you have to say regardless. My care for you is not that fickle. I liked you a lot when we met, so now you’re stuck with me. Sorry about that.

  7. I think we all tend to overlook stress and shove it aside as meaningless, but it can do some serious damage to our bodies.

    You do definitely need A LOT of rest. But I know you already know that. Can you perhaps find something to exert all this stress, whether is writing in a journal or taking up boxing?

    Definitely keep up with the massages. Hoping things get better soon Ms. Sizzle.

  8. Glad you took the time to get a massage. Hope the interviews go well and you find a replacement. And don’t ever worry about venting online — it’s amazing how good it feels!

  9. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.

    Man when you’re younger you can just keep going and going, but now that we’re growing into adults and such, we actually have to take care of ourselves.

    I’m actually worried about my own stress levels, and I’m trying to think of ways to mellow out. I don’t want my stress being to high to impact things like my heart later.

    Eesh, I never used to think this way.

  10. I’ve been a subscriber of massage therapy for a while now — I splurge maybe 3 – 4 times a year to try to relieve my stress in my body. My neck and shoudlers get really tense and then it just becomes difficult to move. Hopefully that will help prevent you from getting the cold while you’re off.

    The comments might also be that people just simply don’t know what to say. Or, unfortunately, whenver I get into “too busy” mode and can’t comment on peoples’ sites as often as normal, my comments go way down (well, in proportion — you still get way more even on a bad day 🙂 It’s your page and I think that if you need to vent to get your stress relief, that’s what it’s there for.

    Good luck with the interviews!

  11. ooh… so good that you treated yourself to a massage.
    here’s hoping things begin to look up my friend. and maybe, you’ll avoid that cold afterall next week.
    hang in there.

  12. I so hope you find your replacement. I am very glad that you got a massage… not only to help you feel better, but for some taking care of you time. I haven’t commented as regularly not because I think you need to grow some, but there really is only so many ways to say… dude this really sucks for you, hope it is over soon. I’ll try to find some funny things to say.

    Here’s one: My five year old was chewing his food in front of me and asked me if I liked fish. I said yes. He then opened his mouth to show me his food. It took me a minute, and then I realized. It’s seafood, not fish.

  13. Massages are wonderful things. I wish they weren’t so hard to justify. Yes, take care of yourself. Whatever YOU need to do to make sure YOU are ok and getting what YOU need. Massages, exercise, healthy food, etc. I know, I know get off the soapbox already.

    I hope one of the interviews results in a replacement for you! Otherwise I’m going to fly my ass out there and interview for it myself.

  14. I’m delurking just to say I feel your pain. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you find someone to hire soon…there’s nothing like having to be superwoman to everyone to drag you down.
    Oh, and in my opinion, if you can’t vent on your blog..where can you vent? The last thing you need is to bottle up the stress!

  15. I have a friend who gave up getting her hair professionally done so she could treat herself to more massages. She said it made her happier and even if no one else could see the difference (unlike the hair), she could FEEL the difference and that was more important. Glad your feeling less sore today.

    And seriously? I’ve got fingers AND toes crossed they find your replacement soon. One of these three is going to be it. I can feel it!

  16. You know what- its your blog, and you’re in a stressful place right now, so vent as needed (not that you needed my permission). I’m glad you were able to do a little something for yourself- I’m crossing my fingers that you’ll find your replacement today!

  17. Not commenting as much because I feel your pain and as of yet have not figured out how to beat it except for trying to remind myself of all the things I have going positive in my life and that it can’t stay this hectic forever….right!?!

  18. Call up Ducky or Dumpling or that other goof who writes that column and have them come visit you ASAP. You need to bring laughter and joy back into your life. Or babysit Finn. Do something. You are depressing ME!!!

  19. You can get pinched nerves in your back/disc area, and believe me, those things can come on suddenly, and with far reaching effect. Can be from stress, true, but it can also be a cyclical thing that pops up now and then, or with exercise. I think a massage was prolly a really good idea, across the board. 🙂

    Don’t apologise for talking to us in your blog, about the things that are eating you. I for one really want to know. If we want colorful fiction we can watch tv, right? (hugs) I know it’s difficult right now, just keep working on that snarl in your life…keep working on it. It’ll come loose.

  20. Many physical manifestations of the things we are suppressing. Like this chronic fatigue that evaporates once I leave the office.

    I hope you find the right candidate…

  21. You blog is for you, in good times and bad. Not for the commenters. That means, if blogging about the bad times helps you deal with them, than you get to do that. 🙂

    Massages are WONDERFUL.

  22. aw sizzle i’ve been missing from your blog for a bit and i’m sorry everything is so crazy. i hope you get a break and great big hug soon 🙂

  23. The word is “No.” Learn how to say it when it needs saying, with nary a backward glance or guilty tingle, and life becomes far more manageable.

  24. Hey there 🙂 Let it out. Talk about it all you want. And don’t even think twice about getting back to us about the comments. We’re here for you. We’re HERE FOR YOU! This is how that feels. 🙂 xo

  25. I’m so glad you got a massage. Wasn’t it me yesterday that was giving the unsolicited advice to do something for yourself? Yes, I think it was. I am so annoying.

    But really, I’m glad you did it. And I could talk a lot about managing stress lately myself. Or, rather, not having an effing clue how to manage stress that keeps getting worse.

    I hope you found your replacement! You may avoid that cold yet.

  26. I’m so glad you got a massage. Wasn’t it me yesterday that was giving the unsolicited advice to do something for yourself? Yes, I think it was. I am so annoying.

    But really, I’m glad you did it. And I could talk a lot about managing stress lately myself. Or, rather, not having an effing clue how to manage stress that keeps getting worse.

    I hope you found your replacement! You may avoid that cold yet.

  27. Glad you took time to do something for your body, and I hope it helps in the long run. Keep listening to those stress aches–and respond appropriately!


  28. I’ve been wanting to email you, but have been tied up with my own shit. :p Glad you stopped to care for yourself–it makes us more useful all around! I hope you reach the light at the end of the tunnel soon!

  29. Don’t be guilty about the woe-is-me posts! If people have a problem with them… well… eff them 😉

    Did any of the interviews go well?

  30. The reason I haven’t commented isn’t because I’m silently judging you (I’m not) but because I sensed you needed silent support not cheerleaders. I’m only writing now because I am choosing to believe that the majority of your readers are more like me, and I don’t want you to internalize and create negativity where there is none.

    A few things:
    1. Breathe. It is really the most important thing you do. Remember to do it ofter, and take a few deep breaths every now and then.

    2. Drink fluids until you float. If you think you might be coming down with some kind of bug, you can help your body by flushing your system with fluids. It does work best if at least some of the fluids are caffeine and alcohol free. I’m just saying.

    3. Keep getting massages. It is so important to take time for personal care, and sometimes women don’t because they feel guilty for spending the money or taking the time. Massage therapy helps with stress relief and sleeping and back pain.

    Go Sizzle Go! You can do it! You’re in the home stretch!

  31. Hang in there honey, you’re not boring anyone or driving people away….you’re super swamped and have a valid reason to vent. I’m rooting for you!

  32. Sorry for my lack of comments, things have been busy here but I am sending you good thoughts and hugs.

    I am glad that the massage worked. I have been meaning to get one but right now it is the end of my “to-do” list.

    Fingers crossed for the interviews….

  33. I hope you are feeling better, stress really does play out in crazy ways, a coworker of mine has TMJ and is losing bone in her jaw because of stress apparently. I’m glad you took some time to give yourself some much needed TLC 🙂

    And never apologize for airing your frustrations, this is your space and obviously from the large amount of supporters above me, you aren’t at a lack of people who love you 🙂

    Hopefully the interviews went well!

  34. I’m way late on responding to this mainly because I’ve been doing the woe-is-me thing lately as well and all I have to say is people don’t have to like it. If it’s what you need to do to eventually get yourself correct then you need to do that. I feel the same way as you, I’m dealing with an extremely difficult end to a relationship and I can tell my friends don’t really want to hear it anymore. So what are you supposed to do? Bottle it up? Hell no. Use whatever outlet (even if its your blog) to get out your feelings. Those who don’t like it will move on and come back when they find something more joyful to comment on. This is YOU time, because from the sounds of it there’s not very much of that in your life lately. Forget everyone else and get it all out girl! :o)

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