I can tell that I am trying people’s patience with my woe-is-me posts. Trust me, I’m trying my own (and I have very little patience to begin with). For those of you commenting and emailing, thank you for your support. It really means a lot even if I can’t respond to each of you given my current time constraints. For those of you who aren’t commenting, maybe in an effort to refrain from telling me to grow a pair already, I get it. There are only so many times one can hear complaining without wanting to walk away. Lordy, do I get that.
A person can get to a point where her body starts to tell her to pay attention because her stress level is out of control. I’ve been bracing for a cold once my week vacation hits because that is just the way of life. You work your ass off and the moment you sit still, you start sneezing and blowing your nose. That hasn’t happened yet (give it a week) but I did manage to hurt my back. I have no idea how but it suddenly hurt to turn my head too far to the left or to look down to the right. A shooting pain would snake its way up the middle of my back and along my left shoulder blade landing smack in the middle of my shoulder.
The back pain reminded me of, years ago, when I trained for a marathon. During one of the longer training walks I doubled over in pain. My back was inexplicably tensing up and my lower back in particular was knotted to the point where it hurt to walk. As I hobbled along, I started to cry in defeat. I wanted to accomplish what I had set out to do and it was looking like my body was sabotaging that. I took myself to the acupuncturist who suctioned glass jars all over my back. I felt like I had been attacked by an octupus. I had to take a Chinese herb to calm my nerves and slap stinky smelling patches on the most painful areas. We later came to the conclusion that the back spasms were from emotional turmoil and high levels of stress. Training for the marathon was pushing me through a lot of old feelings of physical inadequacy. That coupled with a workplace that was very dysfunctional and toxic, I was not in a good mental space.
And here we are again.
I broke down and got a massage last night. The massage therapist spent a great deal of time kneading that painful area. It’s a bit sore today but less painful than it was yesterday. I am far from recovered but I’m paying closer attention to how I am managing my stress. Baby steps.
I’m trying not to focus on the fact that I have a ten hour day today. Three interviews for my replacement. Please PLEASE please let one of them be it.