We took Finn to ride a steam train and meet Santa this weekend. This is the first year where he kind of *gets* what Santa is all about though I think he might have been more excited to ride a train. There was no cell service where we were so none of my Twitter pleas updates went through. But who needs Twitter when you have a blog, right?
(Texted to Twitter from the backseat of the car about thirty minutes into the trip.)
“Was unaware that it took two hours to get to the train. Am trying not to get carsick.”
(Texted to Twitter when we arrived and, me, with a very full bladder.)
“Oh dear god. I am surrounded by kids. And I have to pee but there is only a port a potty Gross out.”
We loaded ourselves onto the train. The hot sauna-like train. Carolers sang four songs then disappear. We went in one direction very slowly for ten minutes then stopped, then went back the way we came to get on a different set of tracks. We arrived at a whole new set of train cars where we were ushered through “Santa’s Workshop” and the kids got the chance to sit on Santa’s lap. Finn opted for a high five instead. We got Swiss Miss hot chocolate and a generic sandwich cookie. Then, to exit, we had to walk through the store. So of course we have to buy a train whistle.
After killing time checking out the tracks, the pond (as Finn insisted we call it), and the engine, we loaded ourselves back on the train. And we sat. And sat some more. Meanwhile, the conductors are standing around outside in a huddle shooting the shit. While we kept sitting there. What kind of cruel torture is this!?
(Texted to Twitter while sitting there.)
“And now all the kids have had sugar and are bouncing off the train walls. This is birth control at its finest.”
Some kid starts chanting, “Go Train Go!” and Finn picks up the call, echoing it. I’m thinking we’re about to have a kid mutiny on our hands if we don’t start moving soon. Finally the whistle blows and we’re off. HURRAY!
But then we stop short. What’s going on? Nooooooooo! Just keep going! Turns out we have to wait for another train to pass on the tracks so we’re stuck.
(Texted to Twitter while waiting AGAIN.)
“We are delayed ten minutes which means I am stuck on a train with thirty hyper kids. Save me!”
This is about the time my sister, mom and I started talking about booze. Sweet, wonderful liquor of which we have NONE.
(Texted to Twitter while dreaming of a stiff drink.)
“I am in hell. Christmas train kid hell.”
Finally. FINALLY! We start moving again. One of the conductors comes by to announce that we are almost at our destination and that he hopes we have a happy holiday. Oh and don’t forget to come again!
To which my mother responds, “Who would ever go on this twice?”
See? That’s where I get it from.