All Aboard the Lose My Mind Express!

We took Finn to ride a steam train and meet Santa this weekend. This is the first year where he back seat buddykind of *gets* what Santa is all about though I think he might have been more excited to ride a train. There was no cell service where we were so none of my Twitter pleas updates went through.Β  But who needs Twitter when you have a blog, right?

(Texted to Twitter from the backseat of the car about thirty minutes into the trip.)

“Was unaware that it took two hours to get to the train. Am trying not to get carsick.”

(Texted to Twitter when we arrived and, me, with a very full bladder.)

“Oh dear god. I am surrounded by kids. And I have to pee but there is only a port a potty Gross out.”

meeting santaWe loaded ourselves onto the train. The hot sauna-like train. Carolers sang four songs then disappear. We went in one direction very slowly for ten minutes then stopped, then went back the way we came to get on a different set of tracks. We arrived at a whole new set of train cars where we were ushered through “Santa’s Workshop” and the kids got the chance to sit on Santa’s lap. Finn opted for a high five instead. We got Swiss Miss hot chocolate and a generic sandwich cookie. Then, to exit, we had to walk through the store. So of course we have to buy a train whistle.who's in charge here?

After killing time checking out the tracks, the pond (as Finn insisted we call it), and the engine, we loaded ourselves back on the train. And we sat. And sat some more. Meanwhile, the conductors are standing around outside in a huddle shooting the shit. While we kept sitting there. What kind of cruel torture is this!?

(Texted to Twitter while sitting there.)

“And now all the kids have had sugar and are bouncing off the train walls. This is birth control at its finest.”

Some kid starts chanting, “Go Train Go!” and Finn picks up the call, echoing it. I’m thinking we’re about to have a kid mutiny on our hands if we don’t start moving soon. Finally the whistle blows and we’re off.Β  HURRAY!

dec-031But then we stop short. What’s going on? Nooooooooo! Just keep going! Turns out we have to wait for another train to pass on the tracks so we’re stuck.

(Texted to Twitter while waiting AGAIN.)

“We are delayed ten minutes which means I am stuck on a train with thirty hyper kids. Save me!”

This is about the time my sister, mom and I started talking about booze. Sweet, wonderful liquor of which we have NONE.

(Texted to Twitter while dreaming of a stiff drink.)

“I am in hell. Christmas train kid hell.”

Finally. FINALLY! We start moving again. One of the conductors comes by to announce that we are almost at our destination and that he hopes we have a happy holiday. Oh and don’t forget to come again!

To which my mother responds, “Who would ever go on this twice?”

See? That’s where I get it from.


37 thoughts on “All Aboard the Lose My Mind Express!

  1. When my older kids were little, we went to the railway museum (which is actually pretty cool) for a Thomas the tank engine thing that sounds similar to this. It was horrible. We have been to the museum many times before and after the horrible trip but will never do the thomas thing again.

  2. “I am in hell. Christmas train kid hell.”

    AND without cellphone service. I’m surprised you made it out sane.

  3. holy shit, this made me laugh really loud at my desk:

    To which my mother responds, β€œWho would ever go on this twice?”


  4. Was this in Snoqualmie Falls? If it was, I was subjected to a train ride there TWICE with my train-loving husband…UGH!

  5. Whoa..and to think that I had considered doing this with Charlie…

    Of course I’ll likely still get talked into it…and if so, I’ll be absolutely sure to pack a flask–maybe two.

  6. Ha! That line about birth control cracked me up! I may have had my children but they are way past that stage and you could not pay me enough to do that again!
    I’m glad Fin had a great time, I do hope you got your (very well deserved) LARGE drink at the end of it? ;o)

  7. Oh Lord. This is a nightmarish scenario. I can’t deal in situations like that with kids! I mean, obviously I do it when necessary but geez…

  8. Dear god, it’s like riding the CTA…if it were filled with toddlers!
    But I’m with Jen, I would easily be suckered in for that cute widdle face. :p

  9. I maintain that most holiday-related “fun” is actually from Hades. This of course does not include eggnog, stockings, Christmas trees with far too many lights (or not enough lights), or the movie Elf.

  10. Heh! (See– that right there shows how much Moms love their kids.)
    Thanks for sharing the Adventure with us! It really made me smile.

  11. Gawd.
    Honestly the worst is yet to come for ‘kiddie events’.

    Wait till you are so excited to see Finn in his first Xmas play at school. He is excited you and the family are excited, you have camera ready to go… then you sit through everyone else’s little Charlie, Emily and sweet little Susie… and then finally (finally!) two hours later the little guy gets on stage!

    Actually, it will all be worth it. Who am I kidding?!

  12. You never would have gotten me to agree to go on that train ride:)
    Your a wonderful Aunt and your Mom is pretty damn funny.
    Finn’s cheeks as always kill me.

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