I want to say thank you to 2008. When I lay out the year before me I can see that there were many blessings, some hiding under what looks like quite a mess but still, it’s there. The year was ripe with gainful employment and financial stability and challenges to rise to and the love of a good man and family close by and friends, old and new, and travel and laughter and countless learning opportunities. So 2008? Thank you. We had a good run and I wish you the best.
Actually . . . I wish ME the best.
That’s weird for me to say but I need to put it down and be accountable to it. Let me explain. I have been doing a lot of thinking. Over and over in my head I’ve been processing what I want this year’s intention to be. I’ve had a difficult time coming up with one single word. In 2007 I focused on acceptance and in 2008 I was all about gumption. But what will the focus of 2009 be?
One particular situation keeps popping up in my life and I think someone is trying to tell me something. (Hello! Universe! I GET IT.) I’ve basically been really frustrated and disappointed when things have not work out the way I planned. Being an uber planner to the max feeds my controlling/impatient/perfectionist nature. While those qualities might make me a really great event planner, they are totally detrimental to my personal relationships. I get that I will always be working on them, trying to tone them down and get them to behave. I’ve accepted that they are companions on my life journey- sort of like when you’re traveling and get stuck next to some obnoxious person who chews loudly and takes up too much space and then falls asleep snoring. I can’t change seats so I better make the best of it and ride it out. And maybe remember my headphones.
In everything, there is a lesson.
I see that in most of these frustrating situations I’ve made plans with other people’s best interests in mind. My own best interests? They were probably in there somewhere but much farther down the list. I’m all for being generous and supportive and kind but there comes a time when putting everyone else before you becomes detrimental to everyone involved.
Most especially? Me.
It’s not about becoming selfish but about saying I matter. It’s about taking the time to think about me first. What will make me happy? What will bring me joy? What will be beneficial to me? Where am I in all this? That, my friends, is the question (or, er, are the questions). The questions I will be asking myself from here on out.
So here’s to 2009, the year where I listen to my own heart and put myself first. Without apology.