I want to talk about infidelity but that’s a can of worms I can’t open.
I could say that I get it- when a person is pushed to the brink in their relationship and they feel stuck in it, inside themselves and so they pick the most complicated and painful way to bust the whole damn thing wide open. I get it but I hate it all the same. Everyone gets hurt, eventually, in that situation.
I want to talk about work but I’m rather fond of my paycheck so I won’t.
I could talk about my utter lack of understanding about people who are seemingly void of opinion. Those people? They are very tricky and we should be wary of them. How can a person NOT have an opinion?! UGH. I cannot even talk roundabout this issue without my head wanting to explode or expletives come shooting out of my pie hole.
I definitely don’t feel like talking about my relationship because I can’t seem to find a way to describe what’s going on. In a nutshell, it’s a strange, fucked up place and we can’t find a door or window to escape out of it. (And no, neither of us cheated.)
What I guess I can say is that the effect of all the things mentioned have hardened me. I’m forgetting how to talk about my feelings because I’ve stuffed them all so deep inside me. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I am making progress but really? Hardening my heart is not progress. Self-protection oftentimes is self-damaging. And then I wonder. . . Am I protecting myself or them?
Anyone have a padded, noise-proof room I can rent out so I can scream my head off in peace?