Dear Angelou

lou3

I remember when your papa and I went to the SPCA to look for a pup and you threw yourself eagerly against the chain-link gate, barking and wagging your tail. You were never one to sit still. On the way home for the first time, you got nervous and went the bathroom in the backseat. You were nine months old and full of life. We loved you the moment we met you.

Over the years you were always my one constant. I’d come home to your sweet face and your jumping up and then off the couch over and over again. You were slow to train but quick to love. For every day that you were in my life, I’m grateful. Even the day when you darted out of the open front door, taking off at full speed towards a busy street, and me running after you in my bare feet. Or that time you got sprayed by a skunk in the backyard and we tried to drown the smell with tomato juice. You ended up smelling like an Italian skunk for weeks. Or when you failed doggie school. Or the time you bit one of my beau’s dog at the beach. Or all the days you curled up on the couch next to me with a heavy sigh, only to fall fast asleep and snore. Loudly.

I loved the way you’d yap like a monkey in the car. Your head stuck out the window, barking loudest at large trucks. The way you’d run in and out of the waves at the beach. The way you’d pull my arm off when I’d take you for a walk. I should have taken you for more walks. How you’d keep watch for squirrels in the yard or just lay out in a patch of sun. How you greeted all our guests with untethered excitement. Sometimes you’d work yourself up into such a frenzy that you’d run around in a circle chasing your own tail. It always cracked us up. You were bossy and mouthed off at other dogs, up until your final day. You longed to herd cows but settled for kittens and people.

You always protected me and made me feel safe and maybe, hopefully, I did the same for you. You were such a good girl, the best dog, such a joy in my life. Thank you for that and for every puppy kiss and wag of your tail, for loving me and for your sweet puppy feet that smelled like popcorn.

lougirl

I hope wherever you are there are squirrels and bacon and an open field to run in. I will miss you and love you. Always, my sweet Loubear.

xoxo,

Mama

P.S. Fuck you, cancer.

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118 thoughts on “Dear Angelou

  1. Oh Sizzle, I’m so sorry! Fucking cancer fucking fucking fucking cancer! I understand all too well what you’re feeling right now and you have my empathy and sympathy. ****HUGS*****

  2. Sizzle, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. She was an amazing dog that will live on forever in memories. You have heard of the rainbow bridge, yes? None of this helps the hurt now, I know. HUGE HUGS comimg your way.

  3. My heart is breaking for you. I am crying real tears for you right now. I’ve had dogs all my life and saying goodbye is always so, so hard (especially to the good ones…I’m not going to lie). I say I’ll never get another dog and I always do. I wish your sweet dog eternal happiness with squirrels and bacon and that field.

  4. I’m so sorry sizzle. I am all teared up reading this 😦 I love how animals can unconditonally love you. Angelou had one very happy life with you as her mama.

  5. Aww this is so sad. All my life we’ve always had lots of pets – my mother’s a vet nurse so we always had waifs and strays to take in. Losing an animal you love is something I was introduced to from a young age. It still upsets me just as much now as it ever did when I was younger. I hope he wasn’t in too much pain and that his passing was peaceful.

    I’m really sorry. *hugs*

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss…I’ve never lost a pet as an adult, and I’m certainly dreading losing one of my boys some day…if only pets could live as long as us! Take comfort in knowing that Angelou was loved as much as you were by her…XOXOXOXO

  7. Sizzle, I’m so sorry. I’ve been keeping up with your tweets and honestly hoping for the best.. I’m really sorry this is how it ended up.

  8. Sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved friend. Had to go through it twice this year, so I well know- IT SUCKS BONG WATER. My thoughts are with you.

  9. 😦 I know the pain of losing a pet; they are part of the family and it doesn’t hurt any less just because they are an animal. Big hugs to you.

  10. Oh, no! I’m so terribly sorry. I fucking hate cancer. I’m going to wipe my tears and give the boy extra cuddles today. Sending lots of hugs your way, both human & canine!

  11. I rarely, RARELY cry at blogs, but this one I did. I know how you feel and what special places in our lives our pooches hold.

    I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl.

  12. OMG. I am bawling at my work desk…..I am glad no one can see me. My heart breaks for you. I will go home and give my fuzzy mutts even more love tonight…

  13. Oh, Sizz! I’m so terribly sorry. My heart goes out to you.

    Ditto your cancer sentiment. Fucking piece of shit cancer.

  14. I’m sorry. I couldn’t see the keyboard for a sec there. *clears throat*

    Yeah, fuck you cancer. And fuck you too diabetes. Fuck you both!

  15. This post brings a tear (or twenty) to my eye. Anytime I think about the mortality of pets, I cry. I’m not sure why I don’t do the same when I think about people. I guess it’s the idea that we can’t tell pets how much they mean to us. I mean, we can, but we’ll never know if they understand. And they certainly can’t tell us how much they love us. And that kinda breaks my heart. Even though we know, in our hearts, how much love our pets give us. Sigh. More tears. Hugs to you, this tribute was beautiful.

  16. Sometimes she would be sitting or laying on the sofa…and I would sit down (or try to) and she would jump off, kind of in a huff. Like, “Hey, that’s MY sofa”. And then come right back and sit in front me, wagging her tail. Like, “I’ll forgive you if you give me a treat and scratch my ears”

    She had a good, long life, full of amazing amounts of love…

    xo

  17. Well I just started my day balling at my desk. I do feel horrible for you Sizz. Angelou was so very loved and had the best mom a dog could ask for.

  18. Oh, hon, I’m so sorry to hear this. I have been down this road too many times with my own critters and it never hurts any less. It was a beatiful tribute and I’m sure she loved you as much as you loved her. My heart goes out to you…

  19. Chiming in with my (insufficient) wishes that I could take this away and restore her to you. My heart breaks– I have an elder statesman dog that I love to bits who is going to get crushed by hugs tonight. So very sorry for your unimaginable loss 😦

  20. FUCKING CANCER! And, while we’re at it, FUCK YOU, LIVER AND KIDNEY FAILURE!

    (I guess I’m reliving a little of my own pain here, too…)

    XOXOXOXO to you, Sizzle.

  21. Sniff.

    Not much I can say that you don’t already know or have not already heard so I’m just leave you knowing that I’m sorry and saddened by your loss.

    I’m just so so sorry.

  22. This made me cry. I know what it’s like to lose a pet. It never gets easier, no matter how prepared you are for it. Hang in there.

    Fuck cancer.

  23. I’m sorry. (hugs) Appreciating our animal friends while they’re in our lives is so important. You did, and she knew it. Never fear. Keep thinking of green fields and bacon-y thoughts…it helps.

  24. I’m very sorry for your loss. It sucks to lose anyone to cancer, especially an innocent, furry family member. Take solace in knowing you gave her the best life possible with a warm home and plenty to eat and plenty of love. No dog could have done better than to have such a loving owner as you obviously were. I wish someone would find a cure for cancer. Not just for me (selfishly, but including me) and for everyone who has been touched by it.

  25. Aww, I’m so sorry Sizz. There’s nothing that can truly compare to losing a pet. They teach us lessons that no human can, about unconditional love and the joy of just being who you are. I have never met a pet that didn’t make me smile. You’re in my thoughts sweetie.

  26. Shit. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.

    When Thurber – my first dog real dog that I had to take care of – died of cancer, I never thought I’d get over it. That was 2000 and I am bawling here like a lunatic and Daisy J. Dog can’t figure out what’s wrong.

    What I found out is that you don’t get over it. You just don’t cry every day.

    There are many wonderful dogs waiting for her. This I promise.

  27. Sizzle – I’m so sorry I missed this yesterday. My deepest sympathies on the loss of Angelou. I’m sure she knew she was loved. Big, big hugs.

  28. Stay well and stay healthy. Grief is a bitch sometimes, isn’t it?

    And I’m sorry, but your P.S. made me snort out loud. It was so unexpected and in such a different tone than the rest of the post that it made me laugh.

  29. Sorry I’m late to the game, but I’m even more sorry for your loss. Losing anyone you love sucks. It really does. And I agree, fuck you, cancer.

  30. i could barely read your post, thinking of my own beloved dog that died many, many years ago. I still tear up every time I see a collie. Or a scene from a ‘Lassie’ movie.

    Hope your heartbreak mends in time.

  31. I am sorry for your loss, and grateful for the words you wrote that reminded me of what a grace my dog is in my life, and how much I miss my first dog stitches.

  32. Here’s to a heaven filled with slow squirrels who are made outta bacon.

    May your waves of mourning turn into a navigable journey.

    Love,
    Glori B.

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  34. Awwwwwwwwww … You made me cry .. Mine succumbed to pneumonia … But he ll be me in my forever and ever.

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