I Know Why the Caged Cat Cries

My cats have not been to the vet in, oh, 3 years.

I know. I know! Bad cat mother.

They are indoor cats so their risk of infection is low (so I tell myself) PLUS they don’t have fleas. But Dash is fat. Like obese on the cat charts. Seriously- I had some time to examine the poster while I waited for the doctor and he is definitely in the “can’t feel the ribs and his mid-section protrudes” realm. He must take after me. And Dot is a freak- eating clothing and unable to smell through her nose. I figured it was about time I brought them up to speed on shots and got the bad news out of the way: Your male cat is a fat ass and you female cat has a borderline personality. Oh! And they have tartar build up on their teeth.

But the good news is they are both good looking cats, so they have that to fall back on.

Three years is a long time so you can’t blame me for forgetting that it’s impossible to get both cats in their carrier. Once I get one in and try to put the second one in, the first one escapes. Then the second one wiggles free and I’m running around the house yelling. Yelling at cats is an exercise in futility.

I got Dash in and as I was chasing Dot around the apartment, he managed to get his head half-way out of the crate grate. For a second there I wondered if he was crushing his own brain, it was so smooshed. But he’s not the brightest. And that Dottie- she looks precious but she will claw your eyes out if you wrong her.

Let’s just say, I bled.

caged1 Let us out! Or ELSE!

After the appointment, the moment I opened the carrier door when we were back in the apartment, they fled. Dash climbed under the bed covers and Dot went under the bed. A few minutes later, Dot puked. I cleaned it up and THEN about five minutes after that, I heard the familiar sounds of a cat hurling but could not find her. I was looking everywhere all the while hearing those sounds and thinking PLEASE NOT ON THE RUG. Turned out she was behind the TV. I suppose she wanted privacy.

Then I went and had three margaritas. And some chips.

The end.


45 thoughts on “I Know Why the Caged Cat Cries

  1. I need to take a trip to the vet as well. Penelope still isn’t spayed and there are times I think to myself something might not be all there upstairs as far as Tula is concerned. If they told me she had magically developed bunny autism I would not be surprised.

    I’m glad you had a successful venture (minus the cat puke), but excuse me if I chuckle at the thought of you running around yelling at your cats and trying to corral them into their carrying case. Hehe.

  2. When you mentioned your cats puked, I immediately thought “Oh no, not on the rug again…” Glad the rug was saved from anymore pukage!

  3. I know how it feels to catch cats. Except… the one I was trying to catch was at outside cat and he has fleas and really really sharp claws. Me and my fiance bled.
    And I guess I’m a bad dog mother. My dog Toby, I didn’t take him to the vet until he got so sick that I had to take him or he’d die. He’s better now though. That was last year. He’s spoiled rotten.

  4. You could title this post: “Why heels does not have cats.” Of course, my cats used to take it one step further and freak out so badly in their carriers in the car that they would pee and poop in the carriers. I tell you- I can STILL recall that particular stench vividly, even 15 years later.

  5. I am impressed. It took 2 of us to get one cat into the carrier this weekend.
    I’m pretty sure that my cat has social anxiety disorder.

  6. You are a brave woman. The one time I had a cat it had worms for several months before I realized it…further proof I am not meant to own pets.

  7. I am allergic to cats. But they are so cute they make me want them anyway. We have seriously tried several times and each time I swell up like a balloon, get a huge rash, and my eyes swell shut. So I’d be of no help to get a cat in a cage! That sounds tiring!

  8. Your cats have cute names 🙂

    I need to take my puppy to the vet to get spayed but the thought of surgery (no matter how routine) scares me. And I guess she’s not really a puppy haha more like a year and a half.

  9. Miss La La has not been in about 5 years, since she was a kitten. I am dreading taking her. She is over weight, has problems with aggression and needs shots or teeth cleaning or something else expensive. I just can’t seem to get it together to go. I took tomorrow morning off, maybe I should just do it.

  10. Don’t feel bad, it’s been much longer since my kitties have seen the vet. Now I’m feeling the kind of guilt I feel about going to the dentist…their vet has seen them since they were tiny babies in the shelter so I am afraid bringing them in will result in a first-class lecture.
    Also, vet bills are expensive!
    And I didn’t have access to a car until just recently!
    Excuses, excuses. I’m sure my kitty girls are happy I keep coming up with reasons I can’t take them in. 😉 (they are both indoor kitties and while Bastet has gotten out and roamed around a little once or twice, I think they have likely never been exposed to much of anything)

  11. I am a bad cat mother as well. I haven’t taken my two cats in to the vet EVER. I adopted them from PetSmart & they had all their shots, etc. They are also indoor cats, I have one kind of chubby/clutzy cat, and another svelte graceful cat. The two times I have had to get them in to their carrier I had to have some one else there to help. Usually it involves corralling them in the bathroom, and someone holding the one cat in, while the other one wrangles with the other one! And bleeding is involved. And the sounds they make when they are being transported are heartbreaking. And then they hide for DAYS. When I moved in to my condo they wouldn’t even come out to eat. It was so sad.

  12. Mine didn’t go to the vet for… almost 8 years? She’s coming up on 18, and she was getting skinnier and skinnier, and then she went blind. So she went to the vet. (In a file box, because I couldn’t find the door to the carrier, which was in pieces out behind the house.) And now she takes expensive medication, and she can see again, and the vet’s gotten so used to us that the last time we were there she said, “And so here we are again.” (And she has a new carrier, because I still can’t find the door to the old one.)

    Of course, I don’t much take myself to the doctor, either.

    The margaritas sound well-deserved.

  13. Poor babies. I’m bad about taking mine to the vet, too. I’m also a little bit worried about the move in September. Puck didn’t handle the last move very well. Hopefully this one will be easier, but I somehow doubt it.

  14. I am completely speechless. Everyone kinda laughs at the names of my cats…..
    And here you are with the EXACT SAME NAMES!!!!
    I have a girl Dot and a boy Dash!!
    What are the odds?


  15. You wrote this just in time for Data’s annual visit this Saturday… of course, he us only one cat. I guess I am lucky! 😉

  16. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has pets that mess with you. Sorry about your troubles, but the hurling behind the TV made me laugh out loud, haha

  17. I’m a bad cat mom too, the last time they went to the vet was July 2006. But I go with the same reasoning, they are indoor cats and cute and don’t need to go. So they are spared, I am sure one day I will regret that. Glad there was no puking on the rug again!

  18. Uh yeah…I won’t even tell you the last time I got my cats vaccinated. I think one of them is allergic to his vaccinations because twice, he’s gotten extremely ill after having them. Like thousands of dollars ill. Oh and obesity? Yeah the ill one weighs 21 pounds.

    See, you’re a GOOD cat mom!

  19. Holy carpus! Now I want a margarita. Hey, I found a mobile cat vet business card the other day. I think I’ll call her for Lili and Louie’s next visits. No carrier necessary.

  20. The first time we brought our dog to the vet, the vet put her in this contraption that basically barely lets her move her head (not as punishing as it sounds). When he went to give her a shot in her hind quarters and she whipped her head around (as much as possible) and let out a little snarl, he told me we need to watch her behavior as she might act out. Um, excuse me? Really? Because if someone stuck a sharp object in my ass, I’d snarl, too. Gotta love our pets!

  21. Yep it takes a special amount of patience to get a cat in the carrier.

    It proves the expression, you can’t herd cats.

    I told mine to shut up this morning because he was meowing like he was staving he is such a breakfast drama queen that way! But I love him lots!

  22. Have you seen the top load carriers??? We have one! They are so great. It has a top and a front door!

  23. My lard ass cat nearly broke the handle off his carrier with his girth. I had to carry it from the bottom, like a box. He also was a super puker. He barfed every day of his life, I’m pretty sure. I can’t remember what a rug that doesn’t smell like Resolve is like.

  24. My cat barfed on the mantle last week. ON THE FREAKING MANTLE! Seriously, yo. Your cats are very good looking. And I have it on good authority that they really do not need vaccinations every year. So you’re all good and a good cat Mom.

  25. Taking a cat to the vet, or anywhere for that matter, is deserving of margaritas for sure. But it makes me SO happy to hear that you’re a good, responsible owner. I am a dork for saying so, but these things make me happy.

  26. The one time Iggy threw up was because he ate too much food too fast (hi, short bus) and I was still hovering over him like a mother hen, as if me asking him if he was OK was going to solicit some sort of response.

    (Hope your felines are better soon! If they are sick? Or they were just nervous?)

  27. Oh yikes I don’t envy you that! I dread my cats getting sick because there is no way in Hell that they would go in their carriers now.
    I did bath one of my cats last weekend – now that was fun! ;o)

  28. Aww bless them. Cats are the worst to put in cages like that. Weirdly Lucien quite likes them…? I think it’s cos when he goes to the vets he’s with my mother (she’s a vet-nurse) so she feeds him way too much food all day long hehe. Sweepie may have to go to the vets today – bad stomach 😦 I forget normal people don’t have mothers who work in a vets surgery so taking their animals to the vets is not as easy as ringing up your parent and saying, “So and so’s sick can you pick him/her up on your way to work or shall I bring them down to you?” I forget how spoilt I am.

  29. My husband always says trying to control kids in public is “like herding cats” – he expects me to laugh even at the 14,823rd time he says this.

    Exciting over here.

  30. Such a precious sound… cats puking. I’ve experienced that sound more times than I care to remember, and I’ve never owned a cat or lived with one. Weird.

    You do have cute cats.

  31. Oh that reminds me… I stepped in some cat puke accidentally when I was at my friend’s aunt’s house a few weeks ago. Pleasant. Good thing her aunt has hardwood floors.

  32. Oh man, I giggled through that whole thing. I can completely relate too, particularly to the chasing them through the house part.

    Did the good doctor put Sir Dash on a diet?

  33. yyeah. We’re way overdue on vet-trips for all of our animals (three cats, one dog). I dread the day when we actually bite the bullet and attempt to corral them; we’ll probably have to do it in shifts.

    I hope you didn’t get margarita in any of your cuts..yeaouch.

  34. I’m a little late on reading this but I was just wondering….what does “borderline personality” entail for a cat? LOL!! No seriously…how can they tell that and what does that cat do thats so borderline?

    Don’t beat yourself up, I’m a bad cat mommy too. Mine haven’t been in 4 years. No shots, no nothing. But they are both indoor cats, they don’t even want to go outside and other than the occassional hurling in the most inconvenient places, they haven’t had any problems (knocking on wood).

    Out of curiosity, what did your bill look like? I’m curious to see how much it would cost me to get my 2 cats up to date also.

  35. First, so you don’t feel badly about the three years, the shots actually last three years, I read this and then asked my vet and she told me that it was true. Also when I take my cats to the vet I turn the pet carrie up on end and pour the cats in, makes it harder for them to get out.

  36. Ugh. I have the same trouble, but with five cats I try not to take them all in at once. I actually only put one each in the carriers. I started putting the kennel on it’s end, then lowering the cats in feet-first. Worked for awhile, but last time I think they caught on to me. Now they put all four feet out (and tail) like they are skydiving and trying to catch air. LOL. They DO love to come home, tho’!

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