I found myself preoccupied this weekend. In between all the things I did to keep myself busy these thoughts would still find their way into my brain. Two tenants moving out and two couples moving in all the while showing the open unit should have kept my mind occupied. But noooo. Refinishing chairs, reading a book, going to an art show and dinner, running errands and brunch with my family- I tried my best to distract myself but none of it worked.
I think this kind of preoccupation is also referred to as “fixation” in certain circles.
These thoughts tumbled around like mismatched socks in a dryer on high heat. Around and around and around they went. My obsession with them grew as the weekend rolled on to the point where I broke. Enough! I forced myself to sit down and right each one of them out on a slip of paper, fold them gently, and place them in a box. My surrender box.
This is the box where I put all my worries and needs. The desires and fears that I get fixated on. The dreams I want to come true. (Now!) By writing them down and slipping them in the box, I gave myself permission to let them go. Not give up on them. Oh no! But give them up to the Universe because try as I might I cannot control everything. I can’t boss the world around.
Sometimes I have to give someone else a chance to do the work. Because as I am learning (slowly) everything is not mine to fix or make right.
Sometimes I have to let a thing go so it can make its way back to me.In its own time. In its own way.
And once I’d tucked them away? I felt lighter than I had in days. So I put on some music and I danced around my apartment. And across my face broke a truer smile than I’d smiled in days because I knew- everything was going to be okay.
“Time has told me/You’re a rare rare find/A troubled cure/For a troubled mind./And time has told me/Not to ask for more/For some day our ocean/Will find its shore.” -Time Has Told Me, Nick Drake