Third Times a Charm

So we all know about how I said vagina five times during the infamous work luncheon with my new boss. THERE WAS CONTEXT, OK!? But then I went and upped the ante.

Exhibit A:

I inadvertently shoved my ample bosom practically into the face of my female coworker while reaching for a bag of chocolates during a departmental “retreat” (non-profit code for all day meeting with no internet access). I underestimated the distance between my reach, the bag and her face. Clearly I suck at spatial relations. Also, maybe, I should not have 1) been so close, 2) been eating chocolates and 3) been so amused by her blushing. It really was an accident. Despite the rumors, I don’t generally shove my bosom into unsuspecting people’s faces. At least, not unless there’s money or booze involved.

Exhibit B:

While talking amongst the group during said retreat about our history of having no boss or a boss who had no ideas or the ability to lead, I may have said aloud to my new boss, “That’s why we all basically want to make out with you!”

Please note that 1) I did not mean it literally and 2) IT WAS A COMPLIMENT and 3) I made everyone laugh. Some uncomfortably. My coworkers may or may not be strategizing how to make me mute or disown me.

Is this a three strikes your out kind of situation? Because if so, um, OOPS.


29 thoughts on “Third Times a Charm

  1. Can you please come work where I work? It would be just a heck of a lot more fun! Unfortunately though we too have those fun “retreats.” Have a great weekend!

  2. Now I know what to have sitting right next to me if we ever meet IRL: a bag of Delicious Chocolate! AND B: If they can’t take a Joke- Fuck ’em!

  3. I think it’s part of working at a non-profit… we can get away with saying things that you just can’t at a more “corporate” office!

  4. You can shove your ample bosom in my face anytime you want to. You sound like a lot of fun to be around. I hate when people are so stuffy they can’t goof around and understand that you didn’t literally want to make out with her, it was just a fun compliment. I’m cracking up picturing peoples faces during these exchanges. Too funy!

  5. I’ve always worked in really corporate settings and stuff like that would just be laughed at where I’ve worked. But I think a lot of it has to do with the personalities involved, and it seems you have a good group of people there (except that HR person who is limiting your internet playing time) so I’m betting you are not out…. yet 🙂

  6. I find you so utterly & genuinely amusing, Sizzle, that if you do find yourself “out” after three strikes, please tell me where you’re going. I’m sure to follow! =)

  7. and, um, that comment was supposed to be from me. Ooops. Here it is again, logged in as the RIGHT person this time /shame

    Ample bosom and comments about making out with your boss make the situation sound like a blue stained dress might be in your future.

  8. Not bragging here, but I’m a boss. Of a lot of people.

    And I adore the honest ones. (Not always at first, I will admit it.) But in the end, honesty and authenticity wins out.

    Hate the posers and the suck ups.

    You are not one, and if you ever get a boss worth anything, he or she will reward for you it.

  9. Nah, no three strikes you’re out, its three strikes, we love you that much more. Your liveliness keeps things interesting (and I bet keeps people coming to work every day).

  10. Ahahahahaha!

    Laughing with you.

    At the last big work weekend I was at, I referred to the head of it all as, “Dude.”

    I’m so professional.

  11. Hahaha, breats in the face always seems to happen in my house – my mother and sister have always had large chests and they always bash me, and others, with them 😉

  12. Chocolate is the only possibly acceptable substitute for the internet that I can think of. So they pretty much ensured your reach by denying you online access. You should sue.

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