This, That, The Other

“I am gassy to do it.”

This ONE TIME I had to type the word “gassy” (don’t ask) in a text and now every time I want to say “happy” it puts in “gassy”.

This is incredibly awkward. Particularly when I forget to scan the message before I hit send.

For some reason, I have the opposite problem with the word “for”- every single time I type f-o-r it puts in f-o-q.

Every. Single. Time.

WTF? That’s not even a word. (I checked. It’s not in the dictionary.)


I do not understand how a person walks down the street and reads a book. How far do they actually get in the book? Knowing me, I would trip or crash into someone or get hit by a bus if I did that. Clearly, I am not that coordinated. AND I would probably read the same two sentences over and over because I’d be so concerned about imminent death.


Speaking of white girl rapping about being a suburban housewife (keep up!), if you haven’t seen my friend Punchline Walking’s video YOU ARE MISSING OUT. Don’t be a fool. Watch it now! (Not suitable for work unless you’re wearing ear buds.)

“Put it in a cup it looks just like iced tea.”

Fucking brilliant.


23 thoughts on “This, That, The Other

  1. Is your phone made of cabbage?

    Walking and reading: you get what you deserve.

    Wow she was too damned funny. F’n brilliant is right. Thanks for the heads up.

  2. You are the best!!!

    Also- why does my predictive text never let me cuss? As we all now know, I like to say fuck and shit A LOT!

  3. Perfect randomness for a Friday. In all honesty, I HATE WORD. I hate when stupid Microsoft products put thoughts in your head. As if they know what you’re trying to say. Even if it’s not proper English. Which makes me think about how much I hate text messaging on my cell phone for the exact same reasons. Just because I once mistyped the word doesn’t mean I want to mistype it every damn time. Sigh.

    Happy weekend, hon!

  4. when i get excited about something, i usually get a nervous stomach and, as a result, gas … so i am often gassy to do something. 🙂 and i can hardly walk down the street without tripping over my feet without a book in the mix … that would not be pretty.

  5. I have a hard time cussing with my autofill text. My favorite is when I call my friend a bitch and it autofills to butch. It fits.

    Walking and reading should not be allowed. Not only could it be personally hazardous, but it could be harmful to others as well. There should be laws, like seat belt laws and texting while driving laws. Those capital hill cops could leave the jay walkers alone for awhile and harass the reading walkers.

  6. i hate the auto-text function (or whatever you call it) and just do it old school (and very slow at that!)…

    i watched someone read a newspaper on the treadmill yesterday – could you possibly be getting a decent workout by holding on and not paying attention? i don’t think so…

  7. “I am gassy to do it” is awesome. I would love to see the replies you get to that, though I suspect they’re mostly of the “nevermind” variety.

  8. What about people who read while driving a car???? Terrifies me when I see it!

    That gassy thing is very very funny! Is there no way to change it back? Either way I would crack up like crazy if someone sent me that sentence.

  9. I want to know how people can read magazines while working out on cardio machines. Either I’m doing something wrong or they are.

    That video is HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for sharing!

  10. I would never get anything read if I was walking. In fact, I have proof of this. Apparently, I was so excited that my mom bought me a book at Wal-Mart (about 15 years ago) that I opened it up as soon as I got outside, and was reading it and walking, when I ran into the store’s mailbox. My brother likes to bring this up from time to time 😉

  11. The reading and walking thing? I used to do it with my phone until I tripped off a curb into traffic. Uh, lesson learned! (sort of)

  12. I read while I walk, have done it since I was a kid. I’ve never fallen, tripped or walked into anyone. It’s all about where you hold the book. In front of your face? Asking for trouble. Down about your chest where you can read and scan the area in front of you? You’re golden. I don’t see the point of wasting precious reading time, what else am I supposed to do while I walk a quarter of a mile from my car to the apartment? 😀

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