Remember how I asked you to vote for your favorite frames? And yet here I am still wearing the same ol’ frames? It’s not that your vote didn’t count it’s just that I’m having a bit of an issue with the eye doctor. See, they originally said they could order them from the rep for me but then they changed their tune and now they are saying I have to pay for them before I even try them on which totally defeats the whole purpose of me picking said eye doctor because I chose them SPECIFICALLY because they carried the brand I wanted and took my insurance and yet they don’t actually carry any of the funky frames by this brand in their office which is full of lame and suck. So I am in a bit of a pickle. And I hate pickles- literally and figuratively.
Stay tuned though because I don’t give up that easily. Not when it comes to something as pivotal as EYEWEAR. Okay not when it comes to just about anything. You got me.
I’ve also been getting some shit (Cough! Kaply!) for not posting more of the Boyfriend Review Board’s questions. I tried to explain that I had more pressing matters and besides, I am not technically on the man hunt presently, so what’s the hurry? Apparently there is a hurry. May I present RayLo and Bird’s grand inquisition questions for the poor bloke who is brave enough to want to venture into relationship territory with me. (Pssst! Brave Bloke! Do not loose heart. There are PERKS to dating me. Use your imagination. Um, yeah, THOSE. Oh I like you already.)
Please note: My comments below are in italics.
The honorable Judge RayLo asks:
1. Is there anybody who is not the divine Ms. Sizzle who is currently under the impression that you are in a committed and loving relationship with them?
The answer to this, boys, should be a resounding N-O. I’m just gonna go ahead and give you that one.
2. Sizzle just had a terrible day. Donors yelled, files disappeared, tenants had pitchforks waiting when she got home. What do you do?
3. What do you think of TARP? (If the response includes references to sheets of blue plastic, immediate disqualification.)
Um, I had to ask her what TARP stood for so I would have been disqualified from dating myself. How embarrassing!
4. What is your relationship with you job? Does it kill your soul, give you a reason to wake up in the morning, or is the idea of employment foreign to you?
5. What do you love about Sizzle? What should she/we love about you?
That’s technically two questions but I’ll allow it.
The distinguished Judge Bird weighs in with her questions:
1) Does the prospective candidate care deeply about something? (It really doesn’t matter what the something is, just something. This eliminates the boring blah-heads.)
I hate to be a stickler here but it does *kind* of matter what the care deeply thing is because I’m not looking for someone who cares deeply for, say, white supremacy or young boys or you know…those sorts of THINGS.
2) Is the candidate gainfully employed or motivated to become gainfully employed?
Apparently, judging from these questions my friends are concerned with my previous history of dating men who were not employed. In this economy this drastically shrinks the available pool if this is to be a sticking point for my next potential beau.
3) Is the candidate willing to profess undying adoration to Ms. Sizzle on an on-going basis, with the peaceful acceptance that it will never be enough?
Is she trying to say I am difficult to please?
4) Is the candidate sufficiently self-contained to enjoy the inevitable alone time that Ms. Sizzle’s fierce independence will afford him?
5) Is the candidate heavily invested in the quality of his personal relationships (and not just with Sizzle, either)?
Let me spell this out for you: Do you have friends and are you good to them? Do you speak to your family?
6) Bonus question: Does the candidate like cats? If not, sorry, pal…it’s not going to work out.
What else have I forgotten to update you on? Any lingering questions about previous posts? Hit me with your best shot.
“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.” – Aleksei Peshkov