Up Dates

Remember how I asked you to vote for your favorite frames? And yet here I am still wearing the same ol’ frames? It’s not that your vote didn’t count it’s just that I’m having a bit of an issue with the eye doctor. See, they originally said they could order them from the rep for me but then they changed their tune and now they are saying I have to pay for them before I even try them on which totally defeats the whole purpose of me picking said eye doctor because I chose them SPECIFICALLY because they carried the brand I wanted and took my insurance and yet they don’t actually carry any of the funky frames by this brand in their office which is full of lame and suck. So I am in a bit of a pickle. And I hate pickles- literally and figuratively.

Stay tuned though because I don’t give up that easily. Not when it comes to something as pivotal as EYEWEAR. Okay not when it comes to just about anything. You got me.

I’ve also been getting some shit (Cough! Kaply!) for not posting more of the Boyfriend Review Board’s questions. I tried to explain that I had more pressing matters and besides, I am not technically on the man hunt presently, so what’s the hurry? Apparently there is a hurry. May I present RayLo and Bird’s grand inquisition questions for the poor bloke who is brave enough to want to venture into relationship territory with me. (Pssst! Brave Bloke! Do not loose heart. There are PERKS to dating me. Use your imagination. Um, yeah, THOSE. Oh I like you already.)

Please note: My comments below are in italics.

The honorable Judge RayLo asks:
1. Is there anybody who is not the divine Ms. Sizzle who is currently under the impression that you are in a committed and loving relationship with them?

The answer to this, boys, should beย  a resounding N-O. I’m just gonna go ahead and give you that one.

2. Sizzle just had a terrible day. Donors yelled, files disappeared, tenants had pitchforks waiting when she got home. What do you do?

3. What do you think of TARP? (If the response includes references to sheets of blue plastic, immediate disqualification.)

Um, I had to ask her what TARP stood for so I would have been disqualified from dating myself. How embarrassing!

4. What is your relationship with you job? Does it kill your soul, give you a reason to wake up in the morning, or is the idea of employment foreign to you?

5. What do you love about Sizzle? What should she/we love about you?

That’s technically two questions but I’ll allow it.

The distinguished Judge Bird weighs in with her questions:

1) Does the prospective candidate care deeply about something? (It really doesn’t matter what the something is, just something. This eliminates the boring blah-heads.)

I hate to be a stickler here but it does *kind* of matter what the care deeply thing is because I’m not looking for someone who cares deeply for, say, white supremacy or young boys or you know…those sorts of THINGS.

2) Is the candidate gainfully employed or motivated to become gainfully employed?

Apparently, judging from these questions my friends are concerned with my previous history of dating men who were not employed. In this economy this drastically shrinks the available pool if this is to be a sticking point for my next potential beau.

3) Is the candidate willing to profess undying adoration to Ms. Sizzle on an on-going basis, with the peaceful acceptance that it will never be enough?

Is she trying to say I am difficult to please?

4) Is the candidate sufficiently self-contained to enjoy the inevitable alone time that Ms. Sizzle’s fierce independence will afford him?

5) Is the candidate heavily invested in the quality of his personal relationships (and not just with Sizzle, either)?

Let me spell this out for you: Do you have friends and are you good to them? Do you speak to your family?

6) Bonus question: Does the candidate like cats? If not, sorry, pal…it’s not going to work out.

What else have I forgotten to update you on? Any lingering questions about previous posts? Hit me with your best shot.

“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.” – Aleksei Peshkov


20 thoughts on “Up Dates

  1. Oh, that’s the best! You have some awesome friends looking out for you! Don’t give up on the new frames–you should get exactly what you want! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Off to google TARP… Oh. Huh, not nearly as exciting as I was hoping for. However, this will make sure your prospect has a brain to work with.

    Good luck on your frames. You know they’re the frame to your soul.

  3. Are there maybe some glasses stores in the area that you carry the frames you’re considering? And you could just drop by and try them on?

  4. a review board was just suggested to me last weekend by some friends — and i thought they were the first!

    love these questions.

  5. “4) Is the candidate sufficiently self-contained to enjoy the inevitable alone time that Ms. Sizzleโ€™s fierce independence will afford him?”
    Oh I am totally stealing that question, obviousoly inserting my own name ๐Ÿ˜‰
    You have very good friends Sizzle ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. ok I bite… what is TARP? I like these questions. I need to do this.

    I also love your goals from the previous post. I wish I could wear a tank top in public.

  7. I like pickles.

    “In this economy this drastically shrinks the available pool if this is to be a sticking point for my next potential beau.” I think, given your history, this should definitely be a sticking point.

    “Does the candidate like cats?” That’s just crazy. Although cats are delicious, I’m not sure food preference should be a major consideration.

  8. Fly me in to shake hands with the guy and I will tell you in a heartbeat if he’s good for you or not. My perception about others seems to be only growing stronger with practice from my day job–I was rocking the “how well do you know me” quizzes on Facebook with some people I barely even know!

  9. What if their job is soul-killing but it wasn’t when they started it and they do happen to be looking for another, better job? Then is that okay?
    Or maybe they’re just one big unhappy, pissed-off person. Oh, wait, that’s all just me.

    But I do think the job thing is important, and mostly the having one part.

  10. I really hope you’re able to get the new frames…perhaps at another eye doctor? Besides being necessary it’s just fun having more than one pair to choose from.

    You should totally have to next potential fill those out. I’m sure the answers will be very interesting.

  11. Ok… I looked up TARP and well, I think you need to make exception if the dude is new to America… just saying.

  12. We have a thing at work called TORP and every time I hear TARP on the news, I think, “Now, how do THEY know about our program.”

  13. These questions are a HOOT! My best friend’s dad (I grew up at their house), looked at Matt when we were dating and said, “Now, tell me why you’re good enough for Elizabeth.” I’ve always thought that was a great ice breaker. ๐Ÿ™‚

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