A) It is SO HOT HERE that I can’t wait to get to work because work is air conditioned and I can’t wait to go to the pool because the pool is wet and cool. (Duh.) When it’s in the 80’s outside that means it is in the 90’s in my apartment. Can I just move into the pool or the office temporarily? This blasted heat wave is killing my will to move about or wear clothes. (People who live in the South or the desert do not give me shit for my heat wimpyness. I moved here for rain, not this.)
B) My cat, Dot, has conjunctivitis. Again. She had it as a baby and it’s flared up in her right eye. We got the vet who likes to slowly explain everything to you like he’s teaching a class. I said a lot of “mmm” and “right!” and “really?” and didn’t mind that much because HELLO it was air conditioned in their office. Now I have to give her two squirts medicine in her mouth twice a day. You can bet money there will be blood. Mine.
C) My Mom got her purse stolen out of her car while she was with her dog at the beach. This sucks for all the regular reasons plus she’d just got her WA license and her prescription glasses were in there. She currently has no health insurance so replacing them is going to be costly. Hopefully they haven’t depleted her bank account. BASTARDS.
D) The other night Tomato texted me asking me to call into his BlogTalk radio show. He was doing a trial run, testing out if he wants to go ahead and host a show. He had his friend Lucy on who was having a bit of dating trouble so we gave her advice. Tomato and I like to give advice. I’m trying to only do it when I asked. It’s kinda sorta working okay! not really. Apparently Tomato wants me to host with him sometimes. There will be more details on this when they are hammered out.
Speaking of my dear friend, Tomato. . .he’s also a member of the Boyfriend Review Board. It’s odd to say this but I am going to say it anyway: When I think about Tomato and him meeting any of my beaus I always think of him as “the dad” because he’s so protective of me in a very familial way. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been best friends for twenty years. The analogy just gets creepy when you throw in the sex and dating part of our history because, um, well, yeah.
Here’s how Tomato would screen a potential suitor:
- What do you think about gay people? (This says a lot about his tolerance in general, not to mention you wouldn’t be able to date any degree of a homophobe. Chances are they probably have a few race issues as well.)
- I would like to see photos of him. If he doesn’t smile in any of his photos, he is not right for you. I don’t trust people who don’t smile in their photos. I’ve rarely been wrong about this.
- What are his religious and political views? While the answer is not the deal breaker, the right answer of his should be, he has his beliefs but does not feel a need to preach them nor condemn others for their opinions. If he is strong willed on either his politics or religion and finds that it is his way or no way, then he is not right for you. Even if upfront he pretends he doesn’t mind your way, he does and it will come out down the road and get ugly.
- Is he attracted to you “as is” or does he think you have a pretty face and after he gets you to lose a few pounds, you’ll be perfect? While this seems like an obvious red flag, it is usually only an elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about until a few months into the relationship and the elephant walks up and steps on your relationship and you are side swiped because you never saw it coming. If this question is asked up front, you know what you are dealing with. He should like you as is and should support you choosing to eat healthy or treat your body well, but should be attracted to you as you are.
- What is his relationship with his family? It’s okay if he isn’t close to his biological family, but he better have a strong network of friends to surrogate that family. If he is a loner and doesn’t need people in his life, you don’t need him. You need someone gregarious and open to love and knows love from experience. You don’t need to teach him how to love, he already knows.
*This makes no sense. Or does it?