I’ve Had Just About Enough of Your Shenanigans

Randoms from the home front:

  • Knock on my door at 9:15pm. I am in pjs. It’s the Smell Lady and her son both with baseball mitts on their hands. Look, I just tell it like I see it, okay? She’s inquiring about the open unit, where it is in the building, etc. as I stand there in my pajamas. Then she asks if I will show it to her. RIGHT THEN. Um, no! What about being IN MY PJS screams “let me show you the available apartment”?! Plus, I’m in the middle of watching a movie. I get to have a fucking life, you know.
  • I check my cell. Message from another tenant. Apparently her upstairs neighbor just got two kittens who make a lot of noise in the wee hours of the morning. She’s already talked to the neighbor but nothing has changed. She can’t sleep and she’s fed up. What am I supposed to do? Give the kittens a lecture?* Knit them some fucking booties?** I am not the Cat Whisperer.*** (P.S. I suggested ear plugs but (oh you see it coming, don’t you?) she can’t have things in her ears. Lord have mercy on my soul.)
  • New tenant moving in wants to bring his drum set. Hell to the no.
  • Another tenant asked about planting a garden on the side of the building where there are some flowers and ground covering. I asked what will happen to said garden when she moves out? Uh, yeah she didn’t know what to say. Way to think that through.
  • One of my tenants moved out last Friday and then ALL OF A SUDDEN a mattress and box spring were leaning against a tree on the side of the building. Coincidence. I think not. Now I have to hire someone to haul away his fucking bed. (Literal? Figurative? You decide.) Oh and also a microwave. And yes, I will be deducting that from his security deposit.
  • A couple that just moved in two months ago left a cryptic message inquiring about breaking their lease because living together just “wasn’t working out.” TOO BAD. You signed a six month lease and are liable for the rent for the entire six months. Except if you leave in time for my friends Rae Rae & Run Run to move in. Then I don’t care if you break your lease. But don’t call me semi-panicked and then change your tune when I call you back. I don’t need any more minor heart attacks during the day.
  • Three rented; one to go.

*Thanks to Long Story Longer for this.

**Thanks to Carmen In Calgary for this.

*** Thanks to Kerrianne for this (and the word shenanigans).

(That’s what happens when you Tweet something- you can get help writing a post!)


TONIGHT! 8:30p.m. PST I’ll be co-hosting The Baub Show with none other than Tomato. Don’t miss it! You can chat with us on line or call in or just listen. I have no idea what we’re going to talk about but orgasms are not an allowed topic. (Did I just lose half our listeners with that statement? Darn it.)

27 thoughts on “I’ve Had Just About Enough of Your Shenanigans

  1. I don’t mean to laugh at your pain, but the idea about giving the kittens a lecture cracked me up! 🙂
    If she can’t do earplugs, I would recommend a sound machine. Mine has done wonders for avoiding the racket from the neighbor downstairs! (and helps me have peaceful sleep–bonus!)

  2. Are you allowed to slam the door in their face or hang up on them? I’m just wondering if it’s an option. Or maybe try replying back to them in a foreign language. I can teach you Arabic if you want. You know, just to throw them off every once and a while. Maybe they’ll stop bothering you as much.

  3. Awesome- I just subscribed on iTunes, so I’ll have something to listen to on the treadmill tomorrow!

    Tell all your tenants that whoever stops their dumbassery for one week gets a prize, then give them the mattress and box spring- problem solved.

  4. But why would they ask if they could bring their drum set. Just bring it. I think I saw our apartment manager’s head spin around when my husband and I brought in my husband’s gianormous amplifier and three guitar cases. We didn’t ask permission. It’s our stuff. It’s our apartment. So…I guess I’m confused. (My husband rarely plays his guitar hooked up to the amp unless it’s the middle of the day when he assumes everyone should be at work. Since there are rarely any cars in our parking lot at this time, I think he’s probably right. So we’re not bad residents. Just not the kind of residents that, you know, ASK if we’re allowed to have our stuff.)

  5. NGS (your email bounced back so here’s my response)

    He asked about the drums right after I told him about our noise policy. Most of our tenants have some sort of instrument- cello, guitars, pianos- but it’s in the lease about the parameters of when it can be played due to the noise issues.

  6. HW has decided that I should start calling him the Cat Whisperer instead. He’s making it is his personal mission to train Pierre and Puck to do TRICKS. Ha…

  7. There should be some sort of rule about your hours not being at pajama time! These people are ridiculous. Our landlord actually told us, when she found out TB is in a band, that he could have practices here if he wanted. THAT was a surprise and an offer we never took her up on. But yeah, in an apartment complex, drums should not be allowed (or expected to be allowed). There’s just no way to be quiet with a drum set.

  8. HAH!

    Thank God I don’t rent an apt anymore. We’re renting a house and love it.

    Next step. Buying one with a pool. Fingers crossed.


  9. I have learned the hard way that lecturing cats does not work. And if your tenant is really lucky, the kittens will grow up to be barrel-chested cats with big lungs and a lot to say. When I lecture mine, he lectures me right back.

  10. The apartment we’re living in has reinforced concrete walls so we don’t hear neighbors but our roommate likes to play loud video games when he returns home from work around 11:30PM. I would die without earplugs. I can’t say that I really LIKE having things in my ears but I do really like not wanting to stab people for being nosy. I’m sorry your tenants are such a pain in the ass.

  11. The neighbor above me had a dog visiting once that barked all night long. I was miserable and left a note that said they had to muzzle the dog if they couldn’t keep it quiet — it is a noise violation, as far as I’m concerned (ear plugs weren’t enough).

  12. You have an interesting group there :-). Just keep telling yourself why you are doing this manager job, that will help a little.

  13. I was going to try and be all ‘poor Sizz’ but honestly some of this is just way too funny! Your building could be a new Reality Show… “Sizzle and Her Crazy Tenants”!

  14. i agree with sigh – you should do a weekly update of ‘sizzle and the crazy tenants’ 🙂

    (i LOL at the guy who wanted to bring his drumbs coz when i told the lady if i could bring the piano into our appartment she looked at me like: you gotta be kidding me). LOL

  15. Drum guy? Tell him to take his drum set to HUSH Studio by Safeco, they have reasonable prices on studio space and I used to play drums down there.

    Smell lady? Keep those stories coming, don’t try to bottle up the crazy on that one.

    The bed? Just put a “FREE” sign on it, someone will take it.


  16. Yay, I’m still catching up and here I am all linked-to and stuff! I hope those kitties accepted their talking-to.

    (Seriously. Who the fuck complains about kitties being noisy?)

  17. Pingback: Super Sonic « Sizzle Says

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