Randoms from the home front:
- Knock on my door at 9:15pm. I am in pjs. It’s the Smell Lady and her son both with baseball mitts on their hands. Look, I just tell it like I see it, okay? She’s inquiring about the open unit, where it is in the building, etc. as I stand there in my pajamas. Then she asks if I will show it to her. RIGHT THEN. Um, no! What about being IN MY PJS screams “let me show you the available apartment”?! Plus, I’m in the middle of watching a movie. I get to have a fucking life, you know.
- I check my cell. Message from another tenant. Apparently her upstairs neighbor just got two kittens who make a lot of noise in the wee hours of the morning. She’s already talked to the neighbor but nothing has changed. She can’t sleep and she’s fed up. What am I supposed to do? Give the kittens a lecture?* Knit them some fucking booties?** I am not the Cat Whisperer.*** (P.S. I suggested ear plugs but (oh you see it coming, don’t you?) she can’t have things in her ears. Lord have mercy on my soul.)
- New tenant moving in wants to bring his drum set. Hell to the no.
- Another tenant asked about planting a garden on the side of the building where there are some flowers and ground covering. I asked what will happen to said garden when she moves out? Uh, yeah she didn’t know what to say. Way to think that through.
- One of my tenants moved out last Friday and then ALL OF A SUDDEN a mattress and box spring were leaning against a tree on the side of the building. Coincidence. I think not. Now I have to hire someone to haul away his fucking bed. (Literal? Figurative? You decide.) Oh and also a microwave. And yes, I will be deducting that from his security deposit.
- A couple that just moved in two months ago left a cryptic message inquiring about breaking their lease because living together just “wasn’t working out.” TOO BAD. You signed a six month lease and are liable for the rent for the entire six months. Except if you leave in time for my friends Rae Rae & Run Run to move in. Then I don’t care if you break your lease. But don’t call me semi-panicked and then change your tune when I call you back. I don’t need any more minor heart attacks during the day.
- Three rented; one to go.
*Thanks to Long Story Longer for this.
**Thanks to Carmen In Calgary for this.
*** Thanks to Kerrianne for this (and the word shenanigans).
(That’s what happens when you Tweet something- you can get help writing a post!)
TONIGHT! 8:30p.m. PST I’ll be co-hosting The Baub Show with none other than Tomato. Don’t miss it! You can chat with us on line or call in or just listen. I have no idea what we’re going to talk about but orgasms are not an allowed topic. (Did I just lose half our listeners with that statement? Darn it.)