Rude Awakening

It seems like I had just fallen asleep when my buzzer rang repeatedly.

{BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!}

I drag myself out of bed and pick up the intercom line.

“Hello?” I say groggy and disoriented.

“Hi. This is Ali.* I don’t have my keys, can you let me in?” She says in a bit of a rush.

“This is Ali? You don’t really sound like Ali.” I say hesitantly, not trusting myself entirely to remember voices since I was just woken up.

“Yes! This is Ali! I am here with Monica at the front door!” She says exasperated.

“Then let me talk to Monica. Because you don’t sound like Ali.” She really doesn’t. I can tell now after her little outburst. And why isn’t Monica talking if she is there? (Monica and Ali share an apartment.)

“Ali, she wants to talk to Monica. She won’t let me in.” I hear her say this away from the intercom. Curious: How is she talking to Ali when she claims to be Ali?

“Where is Ali?!” I ask. I am tired and this is pissing me off.

“Look, Ali is going to call you to tell you who I am. My name is Daisy and I’m staying with them this weekend from out of town. I need to get Monica up to her apartment.” She says this to me like I am inconveniencing her. If I wasn’t naked at the time I would go downstairs and tit punch her.

I overhear Ali’s voice somewhat muffled apparently from a cell phone. She’s saying through the phone line, “Sizzle, she’s my friend that’s staying with us and she doesn’t have a key. She needs to get Monica inside! Can you buzz her in?”

“I can hear Ali so I will let you in. This could have been avoided if you HAD NOT LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING ALI IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

{BUZZ!}

I shuffle back to bed and check the clock. It’s 2:00a.m.

“You’re welcome!” I want to scream at the top of my lungs. If you wake someone up in the middle of the night you should at least be apologetic. That’s just common courtesy.

*Names changed to protect the guilty.

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32 thoughts on “Rude Awakening

  1. You are a lovely person. I am not nice, understanding or patient at that time of night. I’m tempted to refuse to take my own precious furrballs out when they wake me up in the night. And I love them. And peeing somewhere unfavorable could result if I ignore them. But getting dressed and going outside seems impossible at 2 a.m. Isn’t it just the worst? Ugh. I hope those tenants appreciate you!

  2. “If I wasn’t naked at the time I would go downstairs and tit punch her.”

    Further proof that you are totally awesome.

  3. LOL.

    tit punch!

    I guess she thought just saying Ali would get her inside quicker and less explanation would be needed. Good thing you were smart and asked questions. Who the hell knows what people will do these days.

  4. I believe that all building managers should charge $50.00 to let drunk people in to their own apartments after office hours. At $50.00 a pop, it’s like a tit punch, but you could spend it on something darling. Plus, it would be very rare that it would happen again.

    Because it’s one thing if they’re waking you up to say something along the lines of “the building is on fire, one of us is bleeding, etc.” It’s another if they are too inebriated to get their key in the door. And are rude on top of it.

  5. UGH! If she did have Ali on the phone, why didn’t she tell you that in the first place? Props to you for knowing your tenants and realizing that wasn’t her voice in the middle of the night!

  6. This calls for an Amelie retaliation. I think you need to go into their apartment and hide an alarm clock somewhere that’s set to 3:00 a.m.

  7. Good grief. I am pretty sure some place I’ve lived in Chicago HAVE charged for lockouts. I would send Ali or Monica or Daisy a fat bill for the inconvenience. :p

  8. I do believe, if you read the fine print in your contract as an apartment manager, that “painful death” is fully allowable in these instances.

  9. So, Ali and Monica were both obviously down there. Why did they have Daisy buzz you?

    Also, I think the fact that you were naked would have made the tit-punching scene that much better…but that’s just me.

  10. The hell? I could not do your job. I’d wind up letting random serial killer psychopaths in the building if it meant I could go back to sleep.

  11. Pingback: On the Homefront « Sizzle Says

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