Kicking It With My Main Squeeze

I had a hot date with Finn Saturday night while his parents went to a show. During the course of the evening the following was said:

  1. Running up to sniff a outside garbage can, he puts his face right up to the plastic and smells. “What are you doing?!” I ask suspiciously. His reply? “I’m sniffing. IT SMELLS LIKE WAFFLES!” Uh, whatever you say weirdo.
  2. In the bathtub he’s got a gajillion toys floating around him in the water, including tiny bowling pins. It looks like he’s sitting on one so I say, “Careful that you don’t sit on the bowling pin. You don’t want that to go up your butt.” Clearly, I need more practice around almost-three year olds because what does he do? Oh yes, grabs it and tries to PUT IT UP his butt. “No! Don’t do that!” I cry out thinking that my sister is going to kick my ass if I have to call her and tell her she needs to come home because he has a miniature bowling pin up his bumhole. He laughs and says, “I like it.” Oh dear.
  3. He has a flashlight and is torturing the cat with it. The cat is not in the mood for a spotlight and gives him a warning hiss. He runs into the bathroom and uses it to peer up the water spout. I ask him what he sees and he replies, “There are germs up there!”
  4. We’re in the kitchen and I’m making him a bedtime snack. As we wait for the toast to brown, a naked Finn (this is right after bath time but who am I kidding, the kid loves to be in his birthday suit) is jumping up and down, up and down, up and down and he says rather gleefully to me, “Look TeeTee, I am making my penis move!” That’s awesome, Finnman but that trick isn’t really going to impress the ladies in twenty years. Just keep that in mind.
  5. We’re reading books in bed when we get to the book, Wombats on Walkabout. I ask him what a kookaburra is and he says, “Ummmm (thinking, thinking). . . It’s a MANIAC.” And wouldn’t you know? In the book it says the bird laughs like “a maniac.”

Clearly, my nephew is an adorable genius. If you aren’t convinced, watch this:

What can I say? I have much to teach. Give me your child for the evening and I shall encourage him to speak in street slang with gang signs (luckily he got that part wrong- the hand up to the mouth was his own interpretation).

peering

I can also teach kids to drop pebbles down an alley drain and to listen for the kerplunk sound in the water below. Hours of amusement in this activity, I tell ya. Plus, it’s like SCIENCE.

turbanfinn

I am also skilled in fashioning turbans out of towels after bath time. (This picture slays me EVERY TIME I look at it. Sincerely.)

This is the job of the aunt. I take my job very seriously.

finn & tee tee

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42 thoughts on “Kicking It With My Main Squeeze

  1. He is so adorable. You are such a great aunt. I love that you play and have so much fun with him. Kids are amazingly fun and a lot of people don’t realize that and just think of them as “work”. You are lucky to have each other!

  2. That is one cute kid…you must have so much fun with him. I, too, think it’s awesome to teach small children slang. My favorite was when we got my then 2-year old niece to say “Ahhh…Snap.”

  3. He is just the coolest! Wanna babysit Rowan and teach him fun tricks, too? πŸ™‚

    Can’t wait to see you on Sunday!

  4. I LOVE it – You two make a good pair! I babysat my nephew (4.5 yrs) and my niece (2yrs) this weekend – OVERNIGHT! We all did just fine. I taught them to say “chop chop” as in Hurry Up! So they were running around saying it to each other. Can’t wait til they use it on their parents – ha!

  5. He is adorable! I have 4 nephews, and the baby just turned three…I can’t believe that I’m 1700 miles away and missing all of the magic moments in his life. I wish I was closer so I could babysit and teach him “Wassup”!

  6. Aw shucks, I can’t watch the video at work. LOVE the stories though. The thought of having to take Finn to the ER b/c he has a bowling pin up his bum? Horrifyingly HILARIOUS!

  7. Isn’t being an aunt the best? I loved it when my nephews & niece were little….we had lots of fun. Now they’re big and just want to know what I have to eat.

  8. Of numbers one through five, I’ll tell you that Sweets has done one of them at least once since we began dating me and it’s why I fondly refer to him as ManChild.

  9. Seriously. I just don’t find many children that adorable. But this kid is soooooooo cute! Gorgeous. And that’s quite an education you’re giving him. I totally would have said the same thing about the bowling pin up the butt. (Um, telling him to be careful. Not saying, “I like it.”) :>

  10. This was ALL adorable!

    My daughter calls people wearing baggy gang-type clothes “yos”. She always throws horns when she says it, too. Did you teach her that?

    πŸ™‚

  11. Finn is the cutest thing ever. Can you please spend a day with Charlie enlightening him with all your Auntly knowledge? When do we get to do a play date?

  12. 1) Glad you’re doing such a good job being an aunt.

    2) Glad he’s already starting to torture cats.

    3) He’s still not as adorable as my granddaughter. Don’t fret, though. The bar has been set pretty darn high.

  13. Flipping adorable! By the way, the bath time antics and penis tricks? Totally normal. I have 5 year old twin boys so I can vouch for it. The stories I could tell…

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