Confession: I only went to two weeks of the five week dance class.
I knew going into it that I would be challenged. That my overwhelming need to lead allthefuckingtime would take a beating. That I would have to try and try again to let go of control. And I did. I swear to the baby Jesus I did! But a few things stood in my way of me thoroughly enjoying the class.
1) The teachers sped through the steps without giving us enough practice time to really get the moves ingrained in our bodies. While they were both perfectly nice and friendly and knowledgeable, the quick pace and the cramming-too-much-info into a one hour session just did not work for me. Right when my brain would start to get the steps, they’d throw in a more complicated move. Plus, they had us change partners A LOT which isn’t altogether a bad thing except that you’d just be getting the grove with one guy and WHAM! you’d have another.
2) Work overwhelmed me. I honestly had every intention of pushing through to the very end despite my misgivings but then a work deadline made attending class last week impossible. After that miss, my brain started to talk myself out of attending further. I already felt behind because I was struggling to be a “follower”. (I make a very bad rag doll apparently. Massage therapists have told me this when they gently tell me to “relax” and I am like BUT THIS IS ME RELAXED!) I’ve been so busy that the thought of just going home one night without a mountain of things to do was/is very appealing.
3) This type of dance maybe isn’t for me. While I enjoy watching Lindy Hop dancers, the moves require a lot of knee bending. It’s old news but I have really, really bad knees. I could get through the class but the next day they’d be hurting. I really love swing dancing but maybe I should stick with East or West Coast?
Now the positives:
1) I signed up for class- GO ME!
2) I danced with all sorts of strangers and hardly felt self-conscious.
3) I decided not to pursue something just because I was supposed to or because I spent money. What’s the point of “Operation Happy” if I am not happy? Um, yeah. THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.
4) I have not given up on dancing. In fact, I want to take another dance class.
I do feel a little guilty. I’ll admit it. It’s hard for me to not complete things even when I know they are not making me happy. (Hi Catholicism! Hi child of an alcoholic! Hi people pleaser!) I’m trying to look at this as not a strike against me but an opportunity to fit something new into my schedule that really DOES make me feel happy.