More to Hate

I just couldn’t do it.

I tried to watch More to Love so I could give you my honest take on a show whose premise is that plus sized women deserve love too. I watched one and a half episodes before my eyeballs rolled into the back of my head and then my brain imploded.

Because: This show SUCKS.

Now, you have to know that I can’t tolerate shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette either. Those shows make me throw up in my mouth. And More to Love might be equally as awful except everyone is fat. And being fat is not a reason to not be loved. The way they portray the women on the show is really sad. It’s like every stereotype of plus sized women is blown up to epic proportions with blubbering and catty in-fighting and pathetic emotional outbursts thrown in.

Cut to girl crying about never having a boyfriend because she is fat. (Interjection: Maybe it’s because she does not like herself and has zero confidence? Um, yeah. And being on this show is not going to help her one iota.)

Do those other shows do this to the contestants? Take a supposed “flaw” and magnify it? Use one aspect of their looks and harp on it? Do they show the weight of the female contestants on the Bachelor? Because they do on More to Love. What the FUCK is that about?

I don’t know about you but I would never go on a tv show to find love. I wouldn’t cry on camera because some eligible bachelor was kissing other girls on a GROUP DATE. I would not do it. I don’t care if you paid me. I don’t care if it would make me famous. Who the hell wants to get famous for being on a show like this?! And what is up with Emme, iconic plus sized model extraordinaire, doing hosting this damn thing? Her bio on the show’s page says she “promotes and exemplifies positive body image, self-esteem and self-acceptance.” Her association with this ridiculous show negates that.

My biggest peeve about this show though is that it presupposes that fat people only date each other. There’s this “big” guy (a former football player who by the way is a real doucheface) who likes “curvy” women so all the girls are varying sizes of big. If we were really making progress with size acceptance people of ALL sizes would be on those mainstream shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. There wouldn’t be a need for a “special” show.

The whole thing makes me gag and change the channel. And write a ranty blog post.

AHEM.

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47 thoughts on “More to Hate

  1. Damn you! This was going to be MY next blog post, hahaha!

    I still may write one though because I want to segue it into people feeling that they don’t get love because they are fat when really they are [insert icky thing here].

    I was just going to sit down and watch last night’s episode so I cannot wait to see how much douchier that dude gets!

  2. The PREMISE of this show pissed me off, and I don’t think you could pay me to watch it.

    Also, I hate the Bachelor and Bachelorette, so this is like 50 million times worse.

  3. Wait, you mean fat girls can get dates and get married without developing an eating disorder? Shut your blasphemous mouth!!

    But seriously, I’m on the fence about the show. I throw up a little in my mouth when they cry about never having a date or never getting a second date – because I want so badly to say, “Honey that has NOTHING to do with your weight and everything to do with your attitude.” But…but…if just one woman out there goes, “Hey, there’s a man that will love me for my BODY as well as my mind? STFU! Awesome!” That would kind of make it worth it for me.

    Almost.

  4. And then of course they just HAVE to put their weight up on the screen. I’m sorry, but did we ever find out how much any of the Bachelors or Bachelorettes weighed? NO.

    I think they took what could have been a really cool idea and just turned it into another trainwreck show. You might as well just watch Rock of Love or any of those other shows with nasty musicians looking for tail of the month.

  5. God love you for getting through almost two episodes. I was so offended by the premise that couldn’t begin to watch it. I also hate shows like The Bachelorette…but watching these women demean themselves every which way but loose, including showing their weight in the captions? It’s just sad and wrong.

  6. I COULD NOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE.

    I watched 10 minutes of the first episode and was totally offended that they displayed the weight of each woman on the show. Really??? Does it freaking matter?

    I also think they totally missed the mark on this. If they were trying to convey the message that all reality TV people are “beautiful and a size 2” then maybe they should just broaden their spectrum instead of targetting “bigger people”.

    Ashamed as I am to admit this, I’ve been watching “Dating in the dark” online and at least that show takes any person regardless of size/attractiveness/job/whatever.

  7. I couldn’t agree with you more. I sat through the first episode and it’s clear that 98% of the women on the show have much larger problems than just being overweight. And that guy is a total douche.

    I didn’t get anything about the positive self promotion of body image. These women are basket cases who think they can only be loved by going on a TV show. Um… Hi… It’s TV… how many takes did you do of your interview before the producers made you cry?

    REALITY SHOW FAIL!

  8. I have heard a lot about this show and it’s pretty much all negative. Ugh. It’s everything I hate about reality shows combined with everything I hate about society’s views on body weight. Recipe for disaster.

  9. Yes, AMEN.
    May I quote you? “If we were really making progress with size acceptance people of ALL sizes would be on those mainstream shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. There wouldn’t be a need for a “special” show.”

    THAT said it all.
    Besides, those dating shows are ridiculous in the first place. Who would sign up to compete with other women on a TV show for a guy who is just in for the “making out with as many women as possible”? (Don’t ever watch “Rock of Love” – that’s the worst of the worst!!)

  10. I’ll admit I watched a few seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but I even gave up on those shows years ago. The whole concept behind finding love on TV is (a) played out already over and over again and (b) a really stupid idea because you’re basically watching a group of all-but-one-will-lose and what fun is that? And your points are exactly why niche finding love tv shows are even more asinine. Thanks for confirming why I haven’t and won’t be watching that show.

  11. I agree mostly with what you say about the whining and crying about never having a date or getting a second date also someone else mentioned the fact that they post their weights on screen, not done on the other shows. However, I am hoping the show does well to possibly get television and movie people to realize just like magazines, that not everyone is a size two. In fact they are the opposite of the norm. I am tired of only seeing little people on screen. I am around size 16 and while I am trying to lose weight too, it is not to become a size two or even anything smaller than a 12. I am 42 years young, but this is me. Take it or leave it.

  12. We share a brain, but I did watch 3/4 of this debacle. They kept cutting to ALL of the girls crying about how they hadn’t been in love before, because of weight. IT WAS AWFUL. Completely agreed with another of your major points — I’m heavy, you’re heavy! Clearly we’re more prone to liking one another! Let us be paired together on the national TV! Emme looked gorgeous (per uzh) but I was embarrassed for her. She needs a new agent.

  13. Someone beat me to it, but I have to say that pinnacle of offensiveness is that they keep flashing the vitals (height and weight) on the screen whenever a woman talks. Silly me, I guess I thought my name and age was good enough!!

  14. This, my friends, is why I haven’t fretted over the fact I do not have a functioning television. Or cable. I really don’t believe there’s much television has to offer in the realm of improving self-image. :p

  15. I didn’t watch the show, but I totally agree with Jen (comment #3). Weight has NOTHING to do with getting 2nd dates or dating.
    the only show I watched was ‘joe millionaire’. that was enough. lol

  16. i couldn’t watch it.
    blech.
    the weight thing on the screen. gross.
    and really?
    “If we were really making progress with size acceptance people of ALL sizes would be on those mainstream shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. There wouldn’t be a need for a “special” show.”
    my sista, my sista
    PREACH

    xo

  17. I couldn’t agree more. I hate these shows. HATE.

    That is not what love is supposed to be. It models such superficiality which doesn’t serve the emotional and relational health of our people. Who proposes after dating tons of people, finally picking the one who won, and expect it to be substantial and lasting?

    Backwards. Totally backwards.

    Don’t get me started on this “special” version of the show. Boo. Boo. And boo!

  18. THANK. YOU. !!! Ditto on the hate.

    (Let’s pretend I don’t hate EVERYTHING right now anyway, shall we?) But seriously, those SHOWS. Ugh.

  19. I’m so glad you wrote this. I watched literally 60 seconds of it while flipping by one night and was completely grossed out by the stereotypes. Sick. It’s like a big, fat train wreck the whole thin-obsessed country wants to watch.

  20. HEAR FUCKING HEAR.

    i’m with you – the thought of “finding love” on national tv while competing with other girls for the priveledge of having one guy make out with me while he also dates 8 other women? makes me want to stab myself in the forhead with a fork.

    but THIS? this is so much worse. women crying to the camera about their low self esteem and low self confidence, then allowing themselves to be plastered up on the screen as examples of fat women who can’t ever possibly find love because they’re too fat and we all know no one can love a fat person except MAYBE another fat person? GAH. AWFUL. in so many ways. it makes me hurt.

  21. SO glad you posted on this…basically what i’m saying is that i really wanted to see this show, so i’m glad that you took one for the team and watched it before i got a chance to, so i won’t bother to put it on myself.

    sounds even more pathetic and shmarpy than the bachelorette.

  22. i taped last night’s episode and will watch just to see what a train wreck it is. you’re right, the premise screams awful, right out loud

  23. Ha! I was going to write a post on this and it was totally going to be named the same thing… because great minds think alike! 😉 From the 1st moment I heard about this show, I’ve been complaining about it. If the producers ran my life, I guess I wouldn’t be married to my husband because he’s not plus sized like me. And who goes on shows like this? Who would be ok with a group date and watching the person you’re supposedly interested in kiss everyone? Ridiculous. I hate reality tv.

  24. Aaargh! I heard about this show!!! It bums me out because it could be very well done, but from everything I’ve heard it’s a formulaic piece of poop just filled with BS stereotypey nonsense that’s awkward to watch. It is a damn shame that normal-sized folks can’t be put on television without it stooping to mocking and juvenile jokes. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard the guy is just an asshat. It’s disgusting that all these women are playing into the image the producers are trying to create. UGH. Vomit. In. Mouth.

  25. Honestly, I was so opposed to this show and its blatant stereotyping that I couldn’t even watch it to form a fair opinion. Thank you for telling me I didn’t miss anything and that my opinion on this was correct. I will never understand how it is still ok to stereotype/exploit people who are overweight. It isn’t all right to do to any other group of people (except sometimes men, but that is sort of a whole other rant I have) so why is it fine in this case?

  26. if a reality show doesn’t involved someone getting arrested, I’m not watching it, so this show, like Survivor and all the others, is out for me.

    Life is better that way. Thanks for reminding me why ‘reality’ shows bite.

  27. I recently read an article in the New York Times about reality shows and what is done to people while they’re doing them.

    Thing is, they’re run mostly the way they used to do cult indoctrinations in the 80s. Read about it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/business/media/02reality.html?_r=1&hp

    Sleep deprivation, bad diet and isolation. And those are the good things. Things are purposefully done to these people to make them seem idiotic.

    That said, I agree with you on everything else. Now, I have to admit that as a lesbian, my reasons for pure and utter dismay about these shows (Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Let’s Set Us All Up to Compete Against Each Other So We Can Marry A Stranger..On National Television!) is relatively obvious. When Caroline Leto and Venera Magazzu can get married according to the federal govt., I may have more patience for it. http://www.miamiherald.com/news/broward/story/1147942.html

  28. I don’t have TV. Thank God. But, while at my parents’ house (pre-BlogHer) I saw an ad for this show. Oh My God, I thought. They have to be kidding? Right? Right? Nope. Not kidding.

    I was disgusted.

    As a plus sized girl, who thinks she’s fucking fabulous, it’s just so sickening to me. The fact that a stereotype is being fulfilled with this show and the fact that these girls are just being exploited kills me.

    I’ve never been small I never will be. My confidence, though, will also never be small.

  29. I don’t even know how to respond to this. I had no idea this show existed – and I cannot believe some stupid exec would actually put it on TV.

    I suppose you could say that The Biggest Loser exploits people who are overweight. But that show has a really inspiring message.

    I’m at a loss…

  30. I’m with you Sistah. Just the name of the show pisses me off. And I don’t watch the bachelor, reality etc. shows either. What’s real about them anyway? CRAP. Pure crap. It’s just soooooooooo Junior High. 🙂

  31. I saw exactly ONE episode and that was more than enough for me. I just couldn’t get past all the girls whining and crying about how they’ve never had a “real” date, never had men pay attention to them, never been to a prom… boo fucking hoo. I’ve been plus-sized since high school, but I still managed to have boyfriends and go to dances. And what makes it even more pathetic is that everything on the show revolves around their weight. EVERYTHING. There are just so many things wrong with this show. Ugh.

  32. Hmm… the “not liking yourself and zero-confidence” comment really hits home. Food for thought. Although that’s like, two issues to deal with instead of one now. 😉

  33. My first visit to your blog is a positive one! I was overcome with the desire to throw things at the tv when I saw the preview for this show…I can’t remember what they called the girls exactly but you could get the picture they were saying these were ‘special circumstances’ and then the guy was not only plus-size himself (oh sorry, he was just ‘big and tall’) but also somebody they just referred to as ‘a normal guy’.
    oh i see. well good for the normal guy giving all those ‘special’ girls a chance.
    GAG

  34. Well, looks like I’m in the minority, but…

    As a fat woman, I was pretty much set to hate this show and be angry with it, but I watched it and was surprised not to have that reaction.

    Agreed, I think the guy’s personality is creepy–why the women are even are attracted to it is beyond me, but different people like different things, and just because he’s not my type doesn’t mean he’s not anyone’s.

    Also agreed, shows where people complete for one individual in general feel kind of creepy to me.

    And agreed, showing the womens’ weights was weird and probably unnecessary (though I also don’t think it’s something they should have to cover up or be ashamed of, so I’m torn on that one–it could be objectification or a point of open self-acceptance and pride, depending on the context).

    But a few other things have resulted in me feeling more neutral about the show than I expected.

    Here’s a little of what I’m thinking around it. Yes, it’s true that the first episode showed many of the women on the show had an extraordinary amount of fear and low self-esteem around their weight. And yes, that is probably feeding into why they can’t get dates. But, at the same time, being a woman of size myself, on my worst days, I have sometimes experienced many of the same fears or doubts about my attractiveness and the impact of that on my life that all of them have. I know where that fear comes from, and what makes it happen. I know what that moment of self-doubt and self-hatred feels like, even if I don’t believe I should have it, and even if I can manage it and like myself most of the time. Even if *have* had dates when I have been overweight–I still know what that feels like. And Siz, though you’re also generally a confident woman, even you on your own blog, have sometimes expressed similar fears and doubts, so I know you know what it’s like, too.

    So while it felt extreme to hear that self-doubt and self-loathing expressed by MANY women over a whole hour, rather than just the one expression of it each of us individually may hear ourselves or our friends express every once in a long while, I ultimately felt those expressions of fear and insecurity were completely authentic and honest, and not something I wanted to condemn them for feeling or expressing publicly. In fact, I felt it took a lot of bravery to admit so publicly that they felt these doubts and feelings of shame. I’m not sure I could do that.

    And as overwhelming as it was to have those doubts all edited together in this overwhelming way…well, I think maybe it might not be a bad thing for Americans to see what their constant hatred and lambasting of fatness is doing to women in this country. Because I hear women of ALL sizes worrying about the exact same things. I hear even *skinny* women worrying they won’t be loved because some part of their body is too fat. It’s a painful reality of womens’ lives that people tend to overlook because they don’t have to *feel* it themselves. So I think putting it in people’s faces, letting them actually see and *feel* the effect of years of cruelty and loneliness on an individual can actually be a worthwhile exercise in creating a more sympathetic society.

    And I think this is borne out in that after show #1 I went on Twitter to see what the public reactions were. And they were overwhelmingly sympathetic and emotional, wishing the women weren’t experiencing what they were going through. Almost no fat jokes at all. I was shocked to see this, and I think this says something significant.

    The other thing that was the overwhelming sentiment on Twitter by people of all sizes was outrage at them posting the women’s weights. As I said, i’m torn on this particular issue, but I thought the public outcry by both genders and people of all shapes and sizes at what they felt was cruel objectification was impressive. And I noticed that in the second week, Fox had removed the height and weight details.

    I also was surprised at the level of sensitivity Fox appears to be showing with most of the women. They have provided the women with really attractive clothing; they didn’t try to subtly make the women look somehow grotesque as some kind of bad, underhanded joke. And they let the women come across as just as smart, accomplished, stupid or lame as their personalities let them be. And that is the truth about fat people. Some of them are creepy, like the guy on the show. Some are adorable and some are plain. Some are insecure and some are overconfident, like other members on the show. We people of size run the gamut, just like everyone else. And I think the show reflects that.

    Are reality shows in general worthwhile or are they lame? Shallow or just fun entertainment? Are they anti-feminist as a genre? That’s a whole different question to debate. But if we’re *going* to have reality shows, in the end it’s nice to see that this show, despite its looking on the surface like it was going to be just a medium for poking fun at “fat chix,” turns out to be just like every other reality dating show, except that we see a bit more directly how the world looking down on fatness has made these mostly lovely women’s lives a bit harder and sadder than they would have wished.

    And I think both those messages are good: that fat people are just like every other damn person, and that people’s assuming we’re not hurts many of us in heartbreaking ways.

    Just my reaction, and hopefully no one will flame me.

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