Pre-Metamorphosis Syndrome

I have PMS.

(I just lost all my male readership. Later boys!)

This means that my patience for things is at negative twenty. Generally speaking, my patience hovers around the 10- 20 range depending on my mood, how many hours I have slept and if I am currently experiencing low blood sugar. It’s not one of my best attributes, I admit it.

I can’t say I am of a rational mind when my hormones are pulsing through my body, partying like they are on Girls Gone Wild. Everything is heightened. More intense. More . . . annoying. Yes. EVERYTHING ANNOYS ME TO THE NTH DEGREE.

You understand, right? It’s not me. It’s my hormones.

Yesterday I whipped out the tough love on multiple people- suspecting and unsuspecting. I couldn’t help myself. I just didn’t have it in me to tip toe around people’s bullshit. I couldn’t take anyone telling me their stories which were just self-fulfilling prophecies in the making. I could not just KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT if someone was trying to lie to themselves, belittle themselves, or not accept the consequences of their own behavior.

It was not a good day to try to pull one over on me. I would call you on it and it probably would not be pretty.

But I am not apologizing for it. And even though I probably came on stronger than I would on a non-PMS day, it’s still fundamentally how I am. I am very frank. I do not bullshit. I will call you on your lack of authenticity. I will ask you why and how and what for. Because I want to know. Because I care. Because. . . I have seriously high expectations for myself and unfortunately, hold those I love to similar standards. I realize this is not the best approach and not entirely fair. This quality of mine is both admired and loathed. By me. Probably by all my loved ones.

I’m really, really, really trying to work on not being so strict with my rules of conduct, my (too) high expectations, my judgmentalness- for myself and for other people. I just don’t know how to toe the line. I don’t know how to care and not CARE SO MUCH I BUTT IN. I talk about this “problem” a lot in therapy. How I know some of the ways that I am don’t really work for me and yet, when I try to stop being that way, I no longer feel like myself. Then I panic and feel like a piece of shit.

It is not awesome.

I can tell you one thing though: trying to figure this all out during PMS week is ill-advised. I think I will save the personal growth musings for another week.

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28 thoughts on “Pre-Metamorphosis Syndrome

  1. It’s sad that more and more often we are expected to lower our expectations instead of people stepping up.

    I have been having days like this regularly and I’m fine with it. I’m tired of tip-toeing around too.

  2. My mother just told me the other day to never try to solve any problems or decide anything during PMS. Truer words have never been spoken. You’d think I’d learn.

  3. Preach it sister. I’m right there with you on the PMS, the high-standards for myself/others, the sometimes too blunt verbal assessments of those around me. But I would much rather be around people who are up front and transparent.. which it sounds like you are… than always be guessing. That’s my two cents anyway.

  4. I just now got the period that had 5 days of horrific PMS attached to it and I am praising God, for sure! I tend to get a little bit like that too when I’m all full of PMS because I have no tolerance for crap whatsoever anyway so yanno. 😉

  5. My PMS has been so horrendously awful lately that I am considering going back on the pill. Or increasing my meds, one of the two. My irritability/lack of patience factor has been THROUGH THE ROOF.

    I so feel ya.

  6. I always excuse my directness, straight-forwardness with me being German. Maybe you can use that as an excuse, that you’re partially German 😉

  7. I was married for 16 years and I have a 13-year-old daughter… PMS holds no fear! The trick is to not make any sudden moves. 😉

    I don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with having high standards as long as we focus them on ourselves first. Given that most of us (all of us?) will never attain perfection, it then serves as motivation to strive to be a better person. A bit of “leading by example” instead of judging others comes into plan perhaps.

  8. I SWEAR when I read your blog I think we’re the same person split into two people living in different states.

    I’m 55 years old for goodness sake–when does all this END????

    I’m going out to lunch at an Italian place with my family, and this place is known for their huge, doughy breadsticks covered in butter and parm cheese. All I can say is…Bring on the carbs.

  9. I will just be hiding over here in my corner of the city.
    Does this mean there will be tit punching? There just has not been enough tit punching lately, with Kaply out of commission.

  10. Why do I feel this is an Aries thing? I could’ve written this myself. One of my closest friends is also an Aries and she and I have laughed about having this exact discussion multiple times in therapy.

    The best advice I ever got was the old “keep your own side of the street clean.” It chimes in my head lots of times when I want to judge or give advice. But it’s tough because to some degree, focusing on your side of the street means sort of abandoning the people around you. It’s tough. And tougher when PMS is involved.

  11. I am usually pretty bitchy (and judgemental), but PMS week? Turns me into an uber-bitch. So yeah. I hear ya there.

  12. I think there’s always a way to creatively say what you want to say without attacking and being hurtful. Just because you see something wrong and/or see areas that need to be improved doesn’t mean you need to shut you trap for fear of hurting others. If that’s your fear, then maybe what you need to do is focus on your message and how you’re delivering it. Seriously, there are ways of saying, “you’re lovely and you do X, Y and Z brilliantly; but this C thing here, it needs a little work, so can we focus on that for a minute?” Either that or you need to provide everyone you encounter a set of pads so they can be prepared for your punches. hahaha.

  13. Major (or minor) decisions should never be made when you have PMS. This includes personal growth, hair cuts, quitting your job and buying that horizontal striped pantsuit that the saleslady swore would look great on you. Just don’t do it.

  14. Good for you for holding people to a higher standard. It’s one of my mottos, too. If I can’t do that for someone in my life, it just shows how not-close I am with that person.

    Love the Skippy commercial. I actually didn’t know there was a peanut butter with MORE sugar than Skippy, these days. How do I know? My husband refuses to eat the peanut butter “with the oil on top” and he eats sugary Skippy like it’s candy.

    When I click on your name when you comment, it still takes me to your old blog…..

  15. the worst is when you are 100% aware of the fact that you’re being driven by your hormones, but it in NO WAY affects the outcome. like, knowing i’m extra sensitive / bitchy / impatient / evil because it’s the hormones doesn’t STOP ME from being extra sensitive / bitchy / impatient / evil, which in turn makes me MORE sensitive / bitchy / impatient / evil because i know the cause and i STILL can’t affect an effect.

    (ha! affect an effect. that made me happy.)

  16. Yeah, give yourself a break during PMS time. I have a tendency to freak out about anything and everything late at night, so I recently made myself a No Worrying After 10 p.m. rule that I MOSTLY stick to.

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