My vegetarian friend orders a sandwich from a cafe.
“I’ll have the tofu sandwich, please.”
“Do you want chicken on that?”
“Um, no. . .just tofu.”
Tomato, after hanging up the phone with a customer service rep-
“That woman was dumber than a box of hair.”
“A boy who has a unicorn ranch in his bedroom shouldn’t call other people weird. That’s right- we know about Rancho Unicorno.” -Hank Hill (from King of the Hill)
My mom told me this one on the way to the airport last week.
My sister, mom and Finn were sitting around watching Sesame Street and eating breakfast when my nephew busts out with-
“I am pretending I have a vagina.”
My mom and sis attempt to not burst out laughing so they are both inaudibly shaking with amusement. My mom might have had to leave the room. My sister composed herself enough to ask why he was pretending to have a vagina. He answers-
“Because I am being a girl.”
At least the kid knows anatomy. Maybe he will be a doctor. Or an actor.