My vegetarian friend orders a sandwich from a cafe.

“I’ll have the tofu sandwich, please.”

“Do you want chicken on that?”

“Um, no. . .just tofu.”


Tomato, after hanging up the phone with a customer service rep-

“That woman was dumber than a box of hair.”


“A boy who has a unicorn ranch in his bedroom shouldn’t call other people weird. That’s right- we know about Rancho Unicorno.” -Hank Hill (from King of the Hill)


My mom told me this one on the way to the airport last week.

My sister, mom and Finn were sitting around watching Sesame Street and eating breakfast when my nephew busts out with-

“I am pretending I have a vagina.”

My mom and sis attempt to not burst out laughing so they are both inaudibly shaking with amusement. My mom might have had to leave the room. My sister composed herself enough to ask why he was pretending to have a vagina. He answers-

“Because I am being a girl.”

At least the kid knows anatomy. Maybe he will be a doctor. Or an actor.


30 thoughts on “Amusements

  1. Haha that sounds like the kind of thing that happens when I order veggie food 😉 I’m kind glad it happens to other people too. Or like when my in-laws repeatedly ask if I can eat chips… aww bless them.

    And Finn… wow he is just the best nephew to have!

  2. That chicken tofu question cracked me up. It’s amazing how clueless about food some people who work at food places can be. My boyfriend can’t eat pork. It’s amazing how many times he tells the waiter/ess “Absolutely no pork anywhere on the plate.” Yet, they’ll bring it out with bacon, pepperoni,sausage or even ham. When brought up, they question.. “There’s pork in that??”

  3. mmm… tofu + chicken sandwich sounds pretty good right now 🙂

    i’m pretty sure i’d have lost it if i were in the room with your nephew too. haha. awesome.

  4. Reminds me of something I recently heard in Subway:

    Employee: What kind of sandwich do you want?
    Customer: Turkey.
    Employee: And what kind of meat do you want on that?

  5. Well, now there’s NO WAY I’m going to pretend to have a vagina because then I’ll just be a copier who can’t come up with his own hobbies.

  6. I have about 100 stories locked away in my head somewhere about food order craziness, but the most recent one was yesterday’s lunch where I asked for my Uptown Turkey at Corner Bakery with no mayo. It came with mayo and no bacon. *sigh*

  7. Your nephew is so funny! I wonder how he comes of with that stuff. Of course they hear everything we say or they see on tv. I always have to remember now how my boy can be a parrot….meaning saying something to someone that maybe I didn’t want them to know….they remember everything and no censure. They are too cute though.

  8. Finn is absolutely awesome! We went through a stage shortly after talking about anatomy with him where he’d ask if particular people had a vagina, luckily we were saved from any embarrassing situations.

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