It’s been well documented that I am an over-sharer. The other day while eating lunch with co-workers I was sharing some story about my recent vacation and my new co-worker kind of laughed and said a bit incredulously, “You’d tell people that?” I replied with a smile, “Oh right! You’re new here. I’m an over-sharer. You should just know that off the top so there are less surprises.”
There just comes a time in a woman’s life when you stop apologizing for what you are and own it.
I’ve been thinking about this here blog and what I share and don’t share. I put a lot of myself out into the interwebs but not everything. Maybe to some I share stuff that should remain private. Maybe to others I don’t share enough, go deep enough, tell the full story. Blogging is weird like that- how much is too much is a personal decision that cannot be dictated by the whims of readers. From the reactions I’ve received from blog friends who have met me in real life, it seems I come across here very much as I am in real life. I’m open and boisterous and introspective and chatty and sometimes funny. I’m welcoming and friendly and don’t mind swapping personal details. I’ve got daddy issues and intimacy issues and I struggle with self-acceptance and my body image. I can be bossy and demanding and self-absorbed. I wear my heart on my sleeve and tears leap to my eyes from joy and sadness with equal speed. I care about other people, sometimes more than myself, and might not know how to keep my opinion to myself.
I know who I am and am constantly exploring it.
I use this blog as an outlet to document my life and that means that sometimes I might share stuff that I am embarrassed, elated or confused about. Because life is messy and most of the time I’m just trying to make sense of it. Because when I write about something that is happening/has happened to me, it feels more real to me and I gain clarity. I write for myself knowing that there is an audience of people listening who may or may not agree, who could cast a stone or offer a virtual hug, but that I won’t know until I hit publish. And trust me, there have been plenty of times I have hesitated in clicking “publish.” I’ve felt vulnerable and exposed but to me that’s part of my process. I am a good person who has done bad things. I am imperfect. I am human. And I don’t feel the need to hide the “bad” parts of me in the hopes of gaining acceptance. I spent most of my 20s doing that and am SO over it.
Whatever I’ve written here on this blog is my truth because that’s the only thing I know. I’m telling my story, not anyone elses. There’s probably always going to be more to any story I share but this is a blog, not a made-for-TV docudrama. But if you want to know something, just ask. I hope by now you know that I’m open to that.
So seriously, if there’s a loose end or lingering question from anything I’ve shared on this little blog over the years, ask away. I will respond to every comment.