So I had this really amazingly fun weekend . . . up until I didn’t.
It was going swimmingly. Friday night had me out with three of my closest Seattle pals- Putzy, Zain and Kaply. We went to the Central Cinema to see Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. Yes. You read that right. It was hilariously awful in the best way possible. Think horror meets soft porn. Then we grabbed some eats at 611 Supreme (home of the yummy crepe), drinks and then later, more drinks at a gallery in Cap Hill. I ended up not going to bed until 3am.
Saturday my dear Kerrianne arrived and I made her watch Zach & Miri Make a Porno (didn’t realize until now that there would be two mentions of porn-related watching in one post, ooops, I’ve been outed!) before we gussied ourselves up for a night on the town with lovely bloggers like Alphamommy, Onenjen, Terrell and (formerly) LVGurl. It was a wicked good time full of laughs and drinks and more drinks and one Kenny Chesney lookalike who ended up hitting on me because I was the only single girl at the table. Yeah, no. What the hell was UP with King’s Hardware being overrun by douchebags? It was seriously like that Garfunkel & Oates song which is why Kerri and I kept singing it at our table while surrounded by dudes with backwards baseball caps and frat mentalities. At some point I lost count how many drinks I’d had so it’s a really good thing that Kerri was driving.
We met up with Kirida at Portage Bay Cafe for those *healthy* delicious pancakes (mmm good!). Kerri took off for further Seattle adventures and I ran some errands. Feeling accomplished and content, I made plans with Putzy and Zain to see a movie. As I was changing to head out, something happened. What happened you ask? I have no idea except that I spiraled into the dark abyss known as my fuckedupness.
I basically mentally slipped on a metaphoric banana. Maybe that’s not the right analogy but I mentally fell down and couldn’t get back up. Sometimes this happens to me and usually it occurs when something inside my head shifts and I can’t see myself clearly. Or maybe the opposite is happening and I am finally seeing myself clearly? I just know that I don’t like what I see and I can’t pull my head out of my ass to actually go function in society. This happens to me much less frequently than it did say six years ago but still, I have my moments. I hate these moments. It’s like the broken record of negative thoughts starts playing and I can’t figure out how to turn it off. So instead I bail on plans, take to my bed with my cats and cry about how I am fucked up and then fall asleep. Lame with a capital L. Sincerely.
I’m still trying to climb out of it two days later. You’d think with so much practice I’d be better at it.
“A character defect is just a survival skill that is no longer working.” -My very wise friend, Kaply who listens to my bullshit ad nauseum.