My co-worker and friend had a mean case of the shits the other day. Too embarrassed to ask around the office himself, he told the front desk volunteer to email blast everyone asking for stomach medicine. (That poor volunteer.) I ran into him later and he asked me directly if I had anything to help him. I was like, No dude. I don’t generally suffer from that affliction. He was like, DUDE, I need to stop shitting. I suggested he look in the first aid cabinet because I am helpful like that. Another co-worker overheard us and said she used to have stuff in a kit like Tums and dental floss and such but she took it home. (Not helpful, eavesdropper.) While that was no help to him, I did say that maybe he could have used the floss on his butt. I even gestured like I was flossing my butt. And then we broke down into a fit of giggling. Because we are secretly 12 year old boys. Awhile later because I couldn’t help myself, I sent him this video clip. (Man, I love that movie.) He came by my desk and was like STOP MAKING ME LAUGH OR I WILL SHIT MY PANTS. Which only made us laugh more.
After work he left me a voicemail that basically said: I just started giggling alone in my car at the realization that we are both in our late thirties and find poop funny. I shall keep up my shrine* to you. And oh, I left you a little something on your chair.
Two guesses what he left me.**
The moral of this story? Diarrhea is funny. When it isn’t you who has it.
*He has a running list of why he thinks I am cool and at the top is the fact that I am a girl who admits to liking porn. I’m thinking the giggling over poo comes a close second.
** He left fake puke on my chair. It looked like dog barf.
P.S. Apologies for referencing porn two posts in a row.