I’ll Give You More Than Two Cents

Yesterday my friend Long Story Longer tweeted the following:

Long Story Longer: eHarmony guy #3 texts me every day and asks me what I did that day. It’s like having a parole officer. I fear I’m not very good at this.

LSL: Its been about 4 wks, only gone out twice, but weekly phone calls & daily texts. Can I end this thing over email or does it have 2 B a call?

Sizzle: “It’s like having a parole officer.” Um yeah, there is no romance there. End it! Free yourself!

(Our pal) JeniAngel chimed in: Mmmmmm, unfortunately I think an awkward call is in order.

LSL: Oh god. Well that is not at all what I was hoping to hear, @jeniangel. I’m going to need a script. Let me know when you’ve got that done ok?

Then JeniAngel threw me under the bus nominated me: You know who’d be REALLY good at writing a script? @sizzlesays šŸ™‚ (just sayin’)

LSL: Agreed! She’s my main relationship go-to anyway. After Twitter. @sizzlesays, can you help a sister out? No rush.

Sizzle: Script? I’m on it!

My advice to LSL:

So you definitely have to cut the cord on 8:15pm. My advice is to make it as brief as possible. Use less words! Do not over-explain. Maybe something like:

Hey 8:15,

While I’ve enjoyed the times we’ve hung out, I don’t feel like we have the chemistry I am looking for in a match. I really hope you find what you’re looking for and wish you all the best.

Take care,

Of course, you could elaborate but I caution you against cushioning the blow with too many niceties. It’s hard to make the phone call- I’ve done it and the guy was aghast and kind of pushy about giving him more chances but he waved the red flag too early on for my taste (hi, stalker!) and I just had to employ Broken Record Technique. I stuck to one saying and repeated it each time he tried to engage me in a dialogue about why and how we COULD work as a couple. “Krazy*, I’m sorry but I’ve made my decision. I wish you the best.” Hanging out two times and daily texts does not a romance make. You only owe him honesty.

*Not his real name though fitting.

Later I tweeted to LSL: On second thought, I think you *can* email this guy if you want. Or better yet, text him. šŸ˜‰

To which she replied: When he texts me tonight to ask what I did today I could say “Broke up with you”? šŸ™‚

Maybe it’s my Aries nature but I L-O-V-E it when people ask for my advice. The only problem is that I *sometimes* (ahem!) give unsolicited advice. I’m really, really working on letting people just BE and not throw my two cents in when it hasn’t been asked for. I need to focus all that advice on myself really and stop being so bossy. It’s just SO MUCH EASIER to tell other people what to do than myself. Luckily in this case, LSL asked me for help which fed my need to share my opinion. (Thanks, LSL!) I could just start an advice column. That way I’d be able to channel my inner Ann Landers. What do you think?

23 thoughts on “I’ll Give You More Than Two Cents

  1. I think you’d be GREAT at it… oh, and I love her last suggestion to tell him what she did today, “broke up with you”… made me giggle. Got weird looks from co-workers. Whatever. šŸ™‚

  2. “To which she replied: When he texts me tonight to ask what I did today I could say ‘Broke up with you’? :)”

    LOVE IT. That’s something I would do, lmao. I’d have sent an e-mail; he didn’t deserve a call. šŸ˜€

  3. i would have completely gone the email route. not that he didnt’ “deserve” the call, per se…but they’d only gone out a couple times. sheeesh. and yes, you would be amazing as a columnist

  4. Iron Fist stole my response! *grin*
    I would loooooove to see a weekly Ask Sizzle section or a side bar for short opinion questions and brief responses like “He ’emotionally’ cheated on me several times; keep loving him or leave him?” and then you could fire off a quick one-liner. Full posts could be reserved for more dire situations.

    Just a thought!

  5. Lol, I knew something was happening when I had more hits than normal on my blog this morning. Thanks for all of your help – you’re so awesome! And thank you so much for being my personal advice columnist.

    And for the record, I did decide to end it with an e-mail. He was a good enough guy to send a really nice, brief e-mail back. Onward and upward.


  6. Yeah! I think you’d be great at an advice column!
    I would do it via email too, the same reason I reject candidates via email or voicemail. Otherwise you have to go through the pain of the “but I…but I…” conversation as they fight you on the matter. No, it’s done. End. Of. Story.
    (I would not take this route for a more invested relationship mind you, but two dates or one phone interview? End. Of. Story.)

  7. You’ve already got the title for your advice column…Sizzle Says. You’d totally be the next dear abby?

    Dear Sizzle, I have this problem…

    See? How nice it looks? šŸ™‚

  8. i got the text after a 2 yr old relationship… not ” i broke up with you” It was ” I still love her ” … as a lover of honesty i think the call is best

  9. Sizz, I love you so. First off, I think I sent a version of your break-up email out to about 15 different guys over my 3 online dating stints. The “chemisty” thing is the perfect out.

    Second, I too love giving people advice. And sometimes I sneak into situations under the guise of just listening and then stick it to them. Have you ever thought of becoming a therapist? We could start a practice together. šŸ˜›

  10. Oh my God. I used to work as a matchmaker and I loved, loved, loved giving advice. If only people would LISTEN instead of doing the same thing they’ve done unsuccessfully over and over again.

    But yeah…I think the text or email break-up is the best way to go with this one.

  11. Hellz yeah; you’re already in that role as far as I’m concerned. Take the title if you want it, but you rawk the advice column. Sensitive, measured, concerned. Plus I love the text back idea!

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