I want the entire latte, not just the foam.

I’ve been getting home after 8pm almost every day for over a week which means I either don’t eat dinner or eat it around 9pm and then fall into bed to get not enough sleep. I am tired to my bones. Between pulling off a fundraiser at work (successfully, I might add) and having multiple issues crop up at the building along with two open apartments, to say I’ve been slammed is an understatement.

So that’s my main excuse for not writing.

My secondary excuse is more emotion-based. Like I said, I was feeling punchy. I even went so far as to write a list entitled: “People I Want To Punch In the Face”. There were eight people on the original list along with the reason(s) why I wanted to cause them harm. It was rather cathartic. A week has passed and I don’t feel as full of rage but at the same time something shifted in me. I just feel D.O.N.E. with the bullshit. Maybe I say this all the time (do I say this all the time?) but I mean it. A switch was flipped and I am on a rampage. The kind that doesn’t lay down and let you walk all over her, treat her like shit, blow sunshine up her ass, take her for granted or be an asshole all over her for the 100th time. Time’s up! I’m walking! Later!

It’s a weird feeling but a good one I think…once I get underneath the spazzing and uncomfortableness of this newfound self-confidence. I’ve always been good at faking self-esteem but lately I am not actually faking it. I just have it. And boundaries and a backbone to boot. I’m not running around being mean to people. Quite the contrary. I’m owning what I want and need and not settling for mediocrity. It’s totally bad ass. If you’re not doing this already, I highly recommend it.

Let’s start a revolution.

“Find a cure/Find a cure for my life/Put a price/Put a price on my soul/Build a wall/Build a fortress around my heart/Oh my god/Oh you think I’m in control/Oh my god/Oh you think it’s all for fun/Is this fun for you?” -Oh My God, Ida Maria

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21 thoughts on “I want the entire latte, not just the foam.

  1. My 30’s have been all about boundaries. And not being afraid to communicate those boundaries to the people in my life. Own it, girl, you deserve all the good things that are coming your way!

  2. A list of people to punch in the face…yes. I embrace this idea whole-heartedly. I will also make this list…but mine should probably be on a dry erase board. I flip-flop constantly.
    I am very glad to see some postive posts coming from you.

  3. Good for you for being DONE. That is the way to be! No need to put up with other people’s BS, you know? As the flight attendants always say… put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

    Glad the fundraiser went well!

  4. Hrm, I have never made a list of people that I want to punch in the face but if it was such good catharsis for you, I am thinking about doing it as well! I mean, I would never punch anyone in the face except maybe a mugger but still, good idea. πŸ™‚

  5. HELLLLS YEAH!! the “why” part on the face-punching list is key. i wouldn’t have thought to write that part out as well, but i can see how it really adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the badassness of it.

  6. Good for you, my friend! I love hearing this. πŸ™‚

    And I appreciate that you mentioned faking self-esteem. It’s an easy way to hold people at arm’s length, and I know that’s not what you want to do. You’re peeling back the layers to the real stuff. Go, you.

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