Dating Dohs

In an email response to a suitor: ” . . . I’m hoping to get the next two weeks off but the jury is still debating on that one.”

His response:  “What kind of work do you do with the court?”

SERIOUSLY!?

For those giving him the benefit of the doubt: He already knows what I do for a living.

****

Using the term LOL in your email to me once is a strike against you but twice? Twice is grounds for immediate disqualification. If you say “we should meet and see if we can stand each other!” Um, NO WE SHOULD NOT. Also, you are wearing a Cosby sweater in a non-ironic way and it hurts my eyes.

P.S. You have written to me three times. The fact that I never respond means I am not interested.

****

Wink at guy.

Guy winks at me.

Email exchange.

Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

He writes truncated email saying he’s super busy.

Four days pass.

He writes truncated email saying he’s getting sick.

A week passes.

He IM’s me about making a time to get together. We pencil in a date.

Three days pass and on the day of the date with no time or location decided he emails to say he has to help a depressed friend and can we reschedule. All the dates he suggests are days I am busy.

He also has referred to me as “hon” a few times in emails. I find it disconcerting.

****

One of the things that is a curse about on line dating is the fact that you can see if people have been active on a dating site within an hour or however long. I do not like this option for a couple of reasons. 1) It’s too easy to check up on people. 2) It’s too easy to assume the reason they are on the site every hour is that they are not interested in you. 3) It’s too much information. Just sayin’. Also? I don’t like this “who has viewed” me option on Match. If 298 people have viewed my profile since I posted it and only 5 have winked or written to me. . . those are not good percentages. I know math is not my thing but really- that’s low. Again, TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

I think I need a holiday break from the dating scene. I feel bitterness coming on and I don’t want to turn into That Girl. I’m sure there has got to be someone out there who is going to fall madly in love with my particular brand of awesome. Right? Right.

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38 thoughts on “Dating Dohs

  1. I got an email from a guy that contained one line, written in text speak. That’s one of my pet peeves. I can see it when you’re actually on the phone but when you have the FULL keyboard literally at your fingertips there is NO EXCUSE for u to stand in for you, etc. I ignored the email. One night, bored, lonely, I sign back in and mistakenly clicked on to the guy’s profile. He clearly checked his “Who’s Viewed Me” the next day because I received another one line email that went something like, “U gonna just lurk or say hello? LOL” Uhm, I’m gonna actually delete your damn emails and go on with my life. Online dating has its drawbacks for sure but, know what? If I met these guys in a bar, I wouldn’t actually know they write as if they’re still in junior high and damn if that wouldn’t be a problem! 😀

  2. Sketchy, sketchy men is what I would call them. I’ve also heard very similar complaints about Match and online dating so know you’re not the only one. Don’t let these idiots get to you. Not worth it.

  3. Delurking!

    Online dating… awesome. But, for you ( you pretty, witty, awesome lady) to feel this way is just… craptastic.

    Let’s put things in perspective again! You: pretty, witty (and i’m sure you profile would definitely highlight that!), intelligent, etc etc etc! Most men: intimidated AS HELL by a lot of qualities you possess. Please please please, darling lass, don’t make this about you and not feeling great about yourself.

    Online dating is a tool for You to find The Guy Who It Might Work Out With. Online dating is also a tool for guys who want to find The One Who Will Put Out After Appetizers. That isn’t you! And thank your lucky stars that your awesomeness is enough of a filter!

    Patience. Just, more patience.

    I think, anyway.

    🙂

  4. This is why I liked Craigslist. None of the fancy features that drive you nuts. You think someone’s ad sounds interesting, you respond. The end.

  5. I did the online dating thing a few times (ultimately met my husband via one of the more popular sites, but that’s another story), and I shared a lot of the annoyances that you mention. I didn’t want to know how many times my profile had been viewed or when the men in whom I was interested had last been on the site (and by the way, I questioned the accuracy of both trackers).

    FWIW, I think if you want to take a break, you should. Sifting the wheat from the chaff is a lot of work!

  6. Hi, HON! (Big cheesy smile from me.) So, I’m going to ask you not to be so hard on the Who’s Viewed Me option in match. Know why? That’s how I found out Sweets had viewed my profile but never written. I wrote him anyway. And well, the rest? You know the rest!!! Don’t be afraid to check those guys out, too … and if there’s no obvious reason why they didn’t write, you should totally reach out to them!!! xoxo

  7. I am still holding out for the guy for you, whom you will meet unexpectedly like at the park. Maybe you will have Finn with you, and maybe he will be walking a nice labrador, and you two will get to talking… and maybe he has been busy with his career helping people, like you have, and so he is glad to meet someone altruistic(and intelligent)who understands. 🙂 That is my dream scenario for you.

    I know I am Out, because I have used the term LOL in an email more than once with you. Dammitt…I’m off the List! heh.*smooches* Just let God do the matchmaking. He does the kind that sticks. Don’t believe me? Watch a Christmas movie or two on the Hallmark Channel, and you will believe again.

  8. Calling you “hon” is definitely a deal breaker. Only that waitress from the diner in Grease can do that.

    I agree that it’s easy to get too caught up in online dating, and that taking a break occasionally is a good idea. I went through several rounds on a couple of sites and found myself getting obsessed with who was viewing me (and who wasn’t).

    One site also showed who viewed me in chronological order. One (much older) guy I actually stupidly went on a date with, was at the top of my list for a really long time, and was ALWAYS online. It creeped me out that a) he was constantly on the dating site, and b) he was constantly looking at my profile, even after we had agreed to a date. I don’t want to know what he was doing.

  9. LOL! Kidding, kidding, kidding!

    For trying you are more brave and tough than I am, that’s for sure. I just don’t have the patience (stomach?) for it. And I think you are right, the amount of information they give you about who’s looking at you or how much time they’re spending on the site is just weird. No good can come of that.

    And yes, of course, there is some awesome person meant for your awesomeness. In fact, there are probably several and one of them you’ll fall in love with. 🙂

  10. I have to tell you something funny…. I was doing a little cyber stalking of my own on match…I am a heterosexual female and yes, I was looking at the heterosexual females (long story) and I live in Seattle too… and I saw your picture and profile. He he. It is a small world!

    I am currently on a break from Match as well… but I still go out there to check up on past dates and other guys that I have favorited. That is the other weird thing… I have had guys make me as a favorite but then they never wink or send me an email…. maybe they werent available but were just making a list of people that they might want to date once they are available again?

    Oh, the other thing…. how long should someone leave their profile out there after they start exclusively dating someone??? It is pretty awkward…

  11. online dating…..has its pros and cons. i’m on the fence about it. i have had more experiences like you describe. makes me wonder how stupid do some of these men expect a woman to be.
    and you KNOW there are bunches of someones out there just aching for your particular brand of awesome! (i love that attitude by the way). if you are happy with you and your life, then the dude will come along. i think you gotta be fully and truly open to receiving the love of your life. i think that is happening for me right now in a way i had never expected. i don’t know that it will come to fruition, but i realize that i’m more accepting of myself than ever before. and that is worth so much more than how many winks or emails or dates i get on some dating site.

  12. I love Kelly’s comment. Is he single? Little does he know, we do put out after appetizers. 🙂

    Hang in there, girl. I totally know what you mean about TMI on that site (I found the exact same things difficult.) I’m having some fun in my search, and about a month ago I was ready to hang it up and kill the person who created online dating. You never know.

    And guy #3 who is busy, sick, helping a depressed friend, whatever? He sucks.

  13. I am on match right now too. I have not had any luck with that. One guy I actually met didn’t know who I was 4 days after I met him in person. I think he smoked too many funny cigarettes. Another guy I was supposed to meet on a Sunday afternoon for lunch, texted me the next morning saying he had met someone over the weekend and out of respect for her didn’t feel right about meeting anyone else. At first, I didn’t even have anyone look at my profile. Now that in itself was depressing. I am not hideously ugly or anything. Then as before I get the weirdest men that decide that they want to meet me. I have not even hardly gone to Match and I think I still have a couple months left. Good luck to you though. Oh one of my biggest pet peeves is the awful spelling a lot of the men have. Ugh!

  14. I am sorry, but the guy thinks you work for the courts? That’s awesome. I emailed a guy once and he asked me if I’d seen a certain movie because “he uses it as a dating limpness test.” I’m assuming he meant “lithmus” but needless to say, I never check out his, erm, limpness. Ha.

  15. As far as dating sites, I’m skeptical that I’ll meet the right woman. Last I checked, dating websites were mostly used by Men, so you’re automatically the minority. This would make it so your dating pool is significanly larger than the male populace. The straight male populace has to try a lot harder to get the females’ attention. With this is mind, in our desperation, some take the approach of the proverbial Salesman; ‘with 9 no’s, you’ll get at least 1 yes’. Dating by the numbers~*shrugs* I totally forgot my point only that it’ll be a while till I invest time in a dating website again. At least another few hours.

  16. You make me miss online dating and hate it all in the same. 🙂 I always liked seeing who viewed me because usually they were total freaks and it gave me a good laugh. I did not like people who forgot important details (like what I did for a living) and I didn’t want some schmuck calling me a pet name before he ever met me. I think you should kick all those ones to the curb.

    I bet there will be an influx of new men in the New Year. With resolutions and everything – I think new people will be giving it a shot. I say it’s totally fine to take a break until then if you’re getting burnt out. The holidays are exhausting enough without online dating!

  17. text speak is an automatic disqualifier for me, as is an inability to differentiate between your/you’re and their/they’re/there. i will allow one error as a potential typo (as opposed to NOT KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE) and then i will decide we do not have enough in common 😛

  18. Uh oh. Is LOL okay from friends? I use it quite a bit…

    Those interactions sounds exhausting. I bet after awhile you will find someone who blows all of that away 🙂

  19. I could write an essay about all the weird gimmicks that online dating sites THINK people like…but instead I’ll just say: ironic Cosby sweaters are not okay either.

  20. As a veteran of the online dating scene I totally feel for you. It sounds even worse now than 8 years ago, but I still thank my lucky stars I stuck with it. Your particular brand of awesome is just intimidating to some of these idiots, they just can’t handle it.

  21. I was ready to ditch Match when my now boyfriend of 2 years e-mailed me out of the blue. So it did wind up working for me. I dated another guy a few times – he would e-mail me every morning – very sweet, just a have a nice day kind of e-mail – and then he totally disappeared. Very strange. And the one guy I went out with on Craig’s list was a real nut job. Good luck – it’s not easy!

  22. Oh course there is! And I agree with you, some of those “fun gadgets” should just be removed to make the whole experience a lot more pleasant.

  23. I haven’t ever online dated…or even dated as an adult really, I met my husband when I was 17! So I can not relate, but I can try to put myself in your place and I would be damn tired from trying to sift through and find someone decent. I’m sorry you are having a not so great experience with this. And I’m also shocked that men aren’t banging down your door to be with you because I myself think you are pretty awesome.

  24. This is the kind of stuff that I’m scared of regarding online dating. I don’t know…maybe someday. What did people do before the days of online dating? They had to meet in person, right?

  25. I wish I could say I know a thing or two about the dating world, but I don’t. I know quite a bit about the booty call world, however. 🙂

  26. Boy oh boy can I relate to all this. I find it doesn’t take me long at all to get…annoyed and cranky with online dating. Breaks as needed are key to getting through it.

  27. Found your site while searching Google for something else Lol Well, you have got a real interesting post, indeed! I may come back and check it out again. Keep posting & merry XMAS!

  28. Oh lord, I wish I hadn’t laughed so hard at this post. 🙂 You and me & Snackie need to work on a book. Did I mention here the story about my friend who went on a date only to find his entire college experience was fabricated? Not like, he never got a degree and then lied about it. No, this was more like he invented an entire college experience including what he studied and which dorms he lived in, all of which was completely untrue.
    Oh, also? When you start crossing Facebook, emails, and a blog while you’re just getting to know someone it’s a crazy little clusterf@ck. I am trying really hard to stay away from the Person of Interest’s blog, because reading his past entries seems completely unfair and wrong and also it just feels kind of shady.

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