Listen Here

I have a very expressive face. I realize that you’re just going to have to take my word on this since your experience of me is through these words but trust me, it’s true.

Also, you should note, that I am a horrible liar.

This is not the best combo because every emotion I am feeling will wash over my face and HELLO TRANSPARENCY. This is one of the reasons I avoid playing poker. I have no poker face. (No, I will not play poker with you.)

Add to this that I am a direct person. I’m not the type to coddle and ass kiss. I am nice but not in the sense where I will say one thing and mean another just to make sure that no one gets their panties in a bunch. That shit pisses me off. You want someone to blow smoke up your bum? I am not your girl.

So let’s review:

Expressive face. CHECK.

Horrible liar. CHECK

Direct communicator. CHECK.

Put these all together and what do you have? Apparently, a checklist for trouble.

I am almost 37 years old folks. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to all of a sudden be the type of person who will swallow my opinions and thoughts in an effort to make other more passive people feel comfortable. Your INdirectness is not my problem.* Just like your feelings are not my responsibility.

Though, I’m just now learning that your feelings are not my responsibility. My therapist informed me of this a few days ago and when she said, “You need to remind yourself that their feelings are not your responsibility” I laughed. Laughed! Because that is so far from my realm of reality I felt like she was asking me to learn another language. I suppose she is in a sense- a new emotional language that does not require me to fix or rescue or control anyone (except me).

For the record, personal growth sure is a lot of work.

But I guess what I am getting at is: I’m not going to stop being fundamentally who I am which is a person who speaks her mind, who will always tell you the truth even when it’s hard, who will probably say too much but mean every word, who cares enough to give a shit and say so, who will not just say what you want to hear when what you really need is a (loving) kick in the ass.

I refuse to apologize for who I am or to buy into your bullshit that your inability to communicate your own feelings and needs are somehow a result of me being me.

Got that?

Good.

I’m glad we had this little chat.

Carry on.

*By “your” I do not mean you in particular. This is a general you.

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26 thoughts on “Listen Here

  1. You mean “passive-=aggressive” people, right? I take your personality over a hemming and hawing passive-aggressive ANY DAY!

    Kudos to you!

  2. It’s good to have friends like you who are like this so that the girls like me who are weak little doormats have someone to learn from. Or someone to sick on people. sick? sic? sik?

  3. EXACTLY! I would love to learn to be more direct with people! I would also love to become a master of the knowledge that other people’s feelings are not my responsibility.

    GO YOU!!!

  4. I swear if they did genetic testing on us, they’d somehow discover we’re related. I can’t lie, or hide my feelings with facial facades – and I love telling people How It Is. It’s unfortunate because I think people like us have to learn to be even more diplomatic as a result of our directness. And there are way too many softies out there who can’t handle the truth…

  5. Sizz, you’ve got to stop this. Stop it I say. Far too often you write something that describes me as if I had written it myself. And, the most annoying part of all is that you write it so much better than if I had done so myself. (Insert grin here.)

    Oh well, now I know there are at least two of us who know well the taste of shoe leather from putting our foot in our mouth.

    TAG

    PS: Your therapist is right. If someone else has trouble with you telling it like it is, the problem is theirs, not yours.

    You go girl.

  6. Most people appreciate that, so I have been told. I am tactful but I have been know to hurt someone’s feeling because I didn’t sugar coat it. I have told you before how much you say that sounds like me, just like the person above me, Tag. I guess that is why you have such a following of readers, people relate to you. Thanks for sharing.

  7. I’ve ALWAYS been told that I have a very expressive face, too. Even if I try to keep quiet, the face says it all.

    Also, this is my favorite part: I refuse to apologize for who I am or to buy into your bullshit that your inability to communicate your own feelings and needs are somehow a result of me being me.

  8. Those three aforementioned attributes of you (the ones with the CHECK next to them) are some of my favorite attributes of yours. And yeah, they require absolutely no apology whatsoever.

    Also: I can’t wait! to see you later this month, YAY!

    (LOVE YOU. Muchas.)

  9. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! There are people who can be straight forward, respectful, and kind at the same time. I think you’re one of them.

  10. Haha I have exactly the same problem: expressive face and terrible liar! They laugh at me cos of how expressive my face is (in a loving way of course… ;D)!

    I agree that you should definitely not coddle people when they need telling but then on the flip side I don’t like making people upset and if they don’t need to hear the truth shouted at them then I don’t see any problem with a little coddling 😉

  11. Tee hee. 🙂 I’m a bit more on the diplomatic side because I hate conflict, but with you 100% on the no-poker-face-terrible-liar-piece. There have been times when I worried that gentlemen callers would be scared off by the fact I am who I am, and I can’t hide it or play games on the front end to disguise, and my therapist pointed out that I probably would not be such a good match with someone who couldn’t take me at face value.
    Touche’ therapist.

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