I have a very expressive face. I realize that you’re just going to have to take my word on this since your experience of me is through these words but trust me, it’s true.
Also, you should note, that I am a horrible liar.
This is not the best combo because every emotion I am feeling will wash over my face and HELLO TRANSPARENCY. This is one of the reasons I avoid playing poker. I have no poker face. (No, I will not play poker with you.)
Add to this that I am a direct person. I’m not the type to coddle and ass kiss. I am nice but not in the sense where I will say one thing and mean another just to make sure that no one gets their panties in a bunch. That shit pisses me off. You want someone to blow smoke up your bum? I am not your girl.
So let’s review:
Expressive face. CHECK.
Horrible liar. CHECK
Direct communicator. CHECK.
Put these all together and what do you have? Apparently, a checklist for trouble.
I am almost 37 years old folks. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to all of a sudden be the type of person who will swallow my opinions and thoughts in an effort to make other more passive people feel comfortable. Your INdirectness is not my problem.* Just like your feelings are not my responsibility.
Though, I’m just now learning that your feelings are not my responsibility. My therapist informed me of this a few days ago and when she said, “You need to remind yourself that their feelings are not your responsibility” I laughed. Laughed! Because that is so far from my realm of reality I felt like she was asking me to learn another language. I suppose she is in a sense- a new emotional language that does not require me to fix or rescue or control anyone (except me).
For the record, personal growth sure is a lot of work.
But I guess what I am getting at is: I’m not going to stop being fundamentally who I am which is a person who speaks her mind, who will always tell you the truth even when it’s hard, who will probably say too much but mean every word, who cares enough to give a shit and say so, who will not just say what you want to hear when what you really need is a (loving) kick in the ass.
I refuse to apologize for who I am or to buy into your bullshit that your inability to communicate your own feelings and needs are somehow a result of me being me.
I’m glad we had this little chat.
*By “your” I do not mean you in particular. This is a general you.