Can you think good thoughts?

As I was getting changed out of my work clothes last night, I stepped in cat puke. Upon cleaning it up I saw that there was a flower petal in it. To be specific: an Oriental Lily petal. For those of you who do not know, lilies are poisonous to cats.

I should have never brought home that lovely bouquet Mr. Darcy sent me at work. I knew lilies were toxic to cats but I didn’t think about it. I just thought about enjoying the flowers. I have been beating myself over this all night. Apparently the flowers started to die and drop their petals which dropped to the floor where one of them ate it.

I don’t know which cat. And because I love my fucking cats I took both of them to the emergency vet last night because if I guessed wrong then one of them could go into renal failure within 36-72 hours if they weren’t put on an IV drip to keep fluids flowing through their kidneys.

I knew it was going to be pricey. It’s $60 per cat alone just to walk in the door. I sat in the waiting room with Mr. Darcy trying not to lose my shit as they cried in the exam room without me there to comfort them. The doc came out and went over the itemized break down of cost.


For one cat.

And that’s just the starting price.

I couldn’t risk it so I gave the go ahead. And with that, depleted my entire savings account.

I don’t have credit cards because years ago I filed for bankruptcy and have since been on a track to save money for the down payment assistance program to eventually buy a house and to pay down any debt I have (my car, student loan, etc.). I have worked two jobs for two years so I can afford to do these things as well as take trips if I want, buy furniture if I need it, treat friends and family when I feel like it. I finally felt like I had my money situation on track. And now every cent of it is gone. Because I brought poisonous lilies into my house and my cats are freaks who will eat anything. Because I was negligent. Because I love my cats so much I would not risk their health on a maybe.

It’s just money.

I keep telling myself that.

Thank God I have the money to pay. Imagine if it was seven years ago and I had NO MONEY? What would I have done? I would have had to walk away and hope neither one of them died because I would not have been able to afford it.

Fucking money.

As long as they come out of this okay, it will be fine. I think about them in those cages without each other. They’ve never spent a night apart until last night. And as much as I complain about them waking me up at ungodly hours and eating my socks and puking on my rug, I love those little shits and they make my house a home.

It’s hard when you love something or someone. How it can break you open in a heartbeat.

Think good thoughts for them, ok?

65 thoughts on “Can you think good thoughts?

  1. Poor kitties. I’m tearing up a little here at my desk. I hope they’re both okay. I will be thinking good thoughts about them today. 😦

    And I never even knew about lillies being toxic to cats.

  2. Sizz, I would have done the same thing – paid for the vet for both Daphne and Desmond. Because they are my babies. Also, little shits. Adorable little shits.

    I had roses on my countertop once, and Daphne got into them. I saw bite marks on the leaves, got rid of the flowers and she never seemed sick. But a few days (maybe a week) later something was bothering her eye. It turned out to be a THORN from the flowers, deeply embedded and had to be cut out. Not a huge medical bill, but, my poor cat! Because I like flowers!

    Also, why can’t cats just leave the flowers alone? They don’t learn lessons well do they?

    I hope your kittehs are OK soon and back at home together. (HUGS)

  3. you did the right thing
    and you know that
    and i know it is still hard

    D&D have brought much joy to your life…money could not buy that.

    yes, money is a safety/security net…

    and you will save it up again. you will.

    i love you
    and those darn cats


  4. the poor babies. i know how you feel. you want to be mad at them for doing something so stupid, but because they’re your babies all you want is for them to be healthy. i hope they make it through this and come home, happy and healthy furry babies.

    i know my marti can be a little shit who over eats so fast he pukes it up in less than 5 minutes sometimes, but he’s my bestest buddy and i would be desolate if something happened to him.

    good thoughts and loving hugs to you and them.

    p.s. points to mr. darcy to being with you through this and at the vets.

  5. This is how I know you are a better person than me. Because I do not love my dogs $2k+ worth.

    Of course I also don’t have any money in savings so they would have just had to ride it out.

    I will pray for your little kitties and their safety. And that the vet will take mercy on you and somehow give you a discount.

  6. I’ve been there! It is a terrible feeling. You did the right thing and I know everything will work out. You will just have to start saving again.

    You did the right thing!

  7. Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear about all of this. Your cats are lucky- & I totally know where you’re coming from. I’d do anything for my cat, too! I’ll definitely be thinking good thoughts for you three

  8. Sending good thoughts your way. I am so glad you have the means to do this for the fur balls you so dearly love. There will be more money for you in the Universe, don’t worry about that. I hope they pull through, Sizzle.

  9. I hope your kitties are OK. I understand completely. People thought I was nuts when I spent 3K on my Evie. Unfortunately, her heart disease was too advanced, but I would have felt so guilty for not trying. I thought about the day she picked me, when I wasn’t even thinking of getting any kind of animal companion. Somehow she knew we needed each other. How could I not do everything possible? I’m sure your kitties will be just fine because you acted quickly. They are lucky to have you.

  10. Miracles happen. Here is one: RB’s and my cat, Poe, got really sick (almost exactly two years ago) and was diagnosed with Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, or blood clot disease–usually in dogs, very rare in cats. He was given given a 30% chance to live and was practically vegetated when we brought him in. No idea how it happened or what caused it… We decided to go ahead and let the kitty ER do whatever they could for him (he was in a coma when he went into the ER–the story is here: I was at that ER (so was my ex) any hour that I wasn’t eating, sleeping or at work, and I called about ever hour when I was away. I was dedicated to Poe getting well, and I talked to him even when he wasn’t awake and unresponsive… I admit, I went a little crazy; I was determined and NOT going to let that cat die. In some miracle, and $3400 later, we brought him home after almost one week in the hospital. It’s a hard decision to make, isn’t it? Have faith in them–cats are strong beasts! They know you love them… 🙂 I never want to go through that experience with an animal–or a child–again. It’s heartbreaking.


  11. Oh, sitting here crying. Will definitely be thinking good thoughts for them today. And we can totally relate. We’ve spent at least a grand on our cat (who I simply can’t live without) this year. You’re so right. It’s just money and it will come back to you. They’re the most important thing.

  12. You totally did the right thing. And good thoughts and prayers are winging their way to your beautiful kitties. I love my cats with a passion too, and would spend any money I could to help them.

  13. Oh, honey! I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you! I feel like we’re living slightly parallel lives at the moment, and I can completely relate to your feelings of frustration and defeat. Hang in there – I believe that good things happen on the heels of bad things. And let me know if I can do anything to help!


  14. I think about that all the time – Sweets is a chocolate freak. Chocolate is toxic to dogs. Thankfully, Sweets doesn’t waste his chocolate, not even crumbs on the floor. And even more thankfully, SoMi knows to stay away from people food (and she does).

    Here’s hoping YOU get your life back to include two healthy cats very very soon.

  15. I can so relate to this post. Last summer, our two dogs were able to get a vial of Rimadyl (a long-acting NSAID pain killer) and consumed about 30 doses. Like you, I had no idea who ate what and thus had to take them both in to the emergency vet. All told, we ended up spending about $4500 on vet care for this incident. . . which we could have prevented had we secured the medication better.

    I hope your kitties feel better soon. You’re right, it’s just money, but it still sucks.

  16. I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your kitties. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. It was an accident. I’m sending good thoughts to you and your kitties.

    Why don’t you let us help just a skosh? Paypal button, perhaps? Allow us the opportunity to be of service during lenten season.

  17. I recently went through a version of this of my own … my dog bit my roommate’s cat. I knew there was a chance of that happening, and yet I was negligent in not keeping the two separated. It could have been prevented but I was negligent. And I’ve paid dearly with both money and my sanity.

    The main reason I’m telling you this is to encourage you not to beat yourself up about bringing the flowers home, because I know you will want to. It was an oversight that’s easy to have. It is just money, and you noticed in time to do something about it. It’s a sucky situation, but it sounds like you’re in a better place to manage it than you were a few years ago.

    I’ll be sending both you and your sweet kitties good thoughts.

  18. Many good thoughts for your cats…Pets are so very important.

    I recently had a similar money situation. Two dental procedures, even with insurance, will wipe out my savings. It totally sucks, but had to be done.

  19. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with your little bundles of fur. I understand completely what you’re going through as I depleted all of my savings trying to save the Diva from the big C. Much love from the East Coast.

  20. Hang in there! It’s awful having to make a decision between saving something you love or spending thousands of dollars. It’s awful. Sending the Serenity Prayer your way and thinking positive thoughts for your babies.

  21. Poor little guys! You know, if this happened to Data, we wouldn’t hesitate to drop the cash either, even though we are slowly depleting our savings month by month (since Steven is unemployed). You did the right thing. It is all worth it in the end! 🙂

    I hope they feel 100% better soon!

  22. I have been thinking about those two sweetie pies all day. I love those kitties. Do try to let yourself off the hook – we all would have done the exact same thing by bringing the flowers home. I’m so, so sorry for the pain and stress. I think I really get it. xo

  23. I have two cats, too…both are rescue kitties. Cleo has been plagued with health problems since I adopted her when she was one year old. She was really sick at the time, and I nursed her back to health. She’s gone through surgeries and still wheezes loudly. My new addition, Fogg, has been with me for about a year and decided the first weekend she lived here to eat all of the flowers on the balcony. Luckily, none of them were poisonous to cats. I felt bad because it never even occurred to me that they *could* be poisonous and that my cat would want to eat them.

    I’m sort of glad my boyfriend didn’t send me flowers for V-Day. I would have been searching the Internet in a panick. I hope your “kids” make it out okay. And man, I can relate to the money thing.

  24. Good thoughts to you and your kitties. It’s difficult not to be hard on yourself, but it’s something that anyone would have done, as well as something that I didn’t even know. For the sake of sharing a little “kitties taking hold of your savings” story, some good friends of mine in SF opted to do surgery on their male cat who had chronic urinary tract infections. $4000+ later, they have a healthy, tranny kitty! And no savings. I’m hoping for the best for you.

  25. Yes, you are lucky you had the money. I know because in November my cat Spike went into Renal failure and almost died, I did not have the money, but thankfully my vet let me pay on time, he would have died otherwise. It does suck that it costs so much, but you did the right thing, and I love you for it. I love my cats so much, I understand.
    I know they will come out okay. And you will have money again. xoxox

  26. Sending good vibes to your kitties! And now I have to go haul mine out from under a chair so I can hug her (which she will not like but the scratches will be worth it). And dammit lady why do you not have a donate button? I’d have totally sent you at least a few bucks to help you rebuild your fund! 🙂

  27. I would’ve done the same thing. And then my husband would have left me. He loves the critters but not the same way I do. He told me long ago when we were dating that he knew better than to make me choose between him and cat.

    Smart man.

    Hope your kitties are both just fine. It IS just money. There’ll be more.

  28. I’ve been following along at home on twitter but just getting a chance to comment over here- I’m thinking of you and the kitties! It sounds like they’re out of the woods now but I know how scary that is! May the rest of your weekend be peaceful and full of healthy kitties.

  29. You guys have been so great with your supportive emails, comments, tweets and texts. THANK YOU!

    It looks like the kitties might be able to come home late tonight. Their last test showed good, healthy levels for their kidneys. Fingers crossed!

    Many of you have asked about donating. I sincerely appreciate the offer though it is not necessary. Really! I hate when I offer to help and someone turns me down so I am sucking up my pride and saying that my paypal account is under my sizzlesays AT gmail email. But please do not feel like you need to donate.

    Thanks again everyone.


  30. Sizz, how scary! I’m glad the kitties are doing well. The hit to your savings sucks, but I’m happy to hear you’re responsible and made sure the cats were taken care of. It’s very frustrating to me to hear people say, “I’m not paying all that money. It’s ONLY a cat/dog.”

  31. Oh Sizz I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would have done the exact same thing – in a heartbeat. Sending you & the kitties all the good vibes that I can possibly muster. Hugs to you –

  32. Oh no! I hope both kitties are doing well. As someone who has spent entirely too many hundreds of dollars on vet bills in the last several months, I so get it. The price tag hurts, but the cuddle bugs are so worth it.

  33. I am thinking good thoughts. I think it is important to have savings, but also, like people reminded me when I was bitching about spending it on stupid cancer treatments for me, that is what it is for. Emergencies and health crisis things. Things can come and go but people (and animals) are what matters.

  34. I will think good thoughts for your two little preciousess.

    And just think of all the good coincidences here. 1. You stepped in it. You very well could have stepped over it- missing it entirely, and not even noticing it until well later. You caught it right away. 2. You DID have the money. I would not be able to say the same thing, and that scares me sometimes. 3. You posted this. I had no idea lilies were toxic to cats. I love lilies. They are my favorites. Now I know. You’ve made us aware. 4. It IS just money. You will still have your lovely little kitties whose puke you can step in, who will eat your new clothes, and keep you awake at ungodly hours. In other words, making your house a home 🙂

  35. oh mama! how scary… i hope they are better now. 😦 i would spend my last penny on anything i love dearly. one way or another, it will all eventually come back to you ten-fold. xo

  36. I feel your pain having just dropped $6000 on Higgy’s vet bill. We have therapy and more vet appointments every 3-4 weeks for the next 6 plus months. When I think about the amount of joy he has brought us…I think the same thing…it’s just money. He’s healing…your kitties got their treatment and even though it sucks being broke…we have our beatiful babies with us! Lots of love being sent to you and your fur babies!

  37. One of the hardest parts to owning animals is that you are faced with the prospect of paying for their survival.

    If it were up to my own kids surviving, it wouldn’t be a second thought that went by to paying for it. Pets, however, are another thing that I can’t put in that same category. It’s the very reason I don’t own a cat or two; I would hate to have to compromise for their safety.

    To choose whether fluffy survives or kicks the can; or not.

    I wouldnt ever want to be in that position and I can completely empathize with that decision.

  38. Oh no 😦 It’s just awful when something bad happens to your pets isn’t it? They are more like members of the family in my house so it just about kills us when one of them is ill. I really hope they both make it through okay.

  39. I’m sorry I didn’t read this sooner! I know exactly how this goes. I’ve spent $7k on my 21-pound cat throughout his life. You gotta do it.

    The money will come back to you. What you put out comes back. Sell me one of your cute owl pins and use that money to replenish your savings account, please. 🙂

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