Your Advice

**THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY ME! A friend of mine needs your ear and your advice. Please read & chime in!**

I have to admit before I get into the meat of this post that I’m embarrassed to even write out what I’m about to share.  I often hear that phrase “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,” though I never follow its principle.  And, while I understand that most of the time people don’t really change, for most of my 32 years I’ve been hopelessly hopeful, and I believe that people do change. I think, the truth is, they can change but, usually, they don’t.

That said, I need some advice.  I suppose I need some straight-setting, too.  Or, maybe it’s encouragement.

Last March (2009), I broke up with a man–my sweetheart guy (SHG)–whom I’d been dating for just under four months.  When we met, I was two months out of a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad four-year relationship.  I was surprised by this new person who came into my life, and I was shocked at how easy it was to date him (and, to date in general) after the chaotic mess I’d just left.  SHG was chivalrous and generally, the kind of package I was hoping for.  It was pretty much the easiest and most exciting dating experience.  But, after a while, I felt like something was missing–almost like there was a short in the wiring between us, even though we thoroughly enjoyed being together.

Eventually, I decided to break things off.  Prior to breaking up with him, I had asked that we ramp things up, because I was losing interest.  He hadn’t been making enough time for me—I’d see him about once a week.  To his credit, he was up front that our relationship wasn’t a priority; “But,” he added, “that doesn’t mean it won’t be.”  In fact, it was so hard to see him at that time and I was so frustrated not knowing when I’d see him next that when I decided to break it off, I had to do it over e-mail.  I felt guilty about that, because I’m a firm believer in braving dirty work face-to-face.  In the end, I chalked it all up to us needing and wanting different things, and though it sucked, I was OK with that.

Throughout the following months post-break-up, SHG would contact me in various ways to say hello and briefly catch up; and I might have initiated a friendly hello myself a couple of times.  I didn’t see him again until early September, at his urging, for a quick, early dinner and catch-up.  I often heard from him how much he enjoyed the time he spent with me, and how terrific, sweet, kind and loving I was.  It became a staple of any of our conversations.  I usually listened and left the conversation for what it was—just conversation.  I realized I had been given a lot of lip service and not a lot of action.  And, quite frankly, I’m a girl who likes some action.  My philosophy is that you can SAY any sweet ole thing you wanna say; but it’s what you do about it that perks me.

As I sit here typing this now, I feel like I know the answers to my own troubles; like, I’m floatin’ on the river Denial.  I’m avoiding the hurt that’s just lurking beyond my heart’s door, and it’s waiting to flood when I accept the fact that the door has gotta come open at some point.  Because we all know I can’t stay locked up in my pretend happy-ending world forever.  I need to eat, sleep, meditate and …function with a smile.

I got a phone call to have dinner with SHG just over two weeks ago.  I agreed, thinking it would be as friendly and platonic as the last one in September.  Then the end of the night came.  I was inundated with (again) admission of guilt and wrong-doing for the way he acted when we dated.  He expressed all the compliments and flattery any girl wants her sweetheart guy to tell her.  Most importantly (to me), I heard him admit that he acted like a jerk, that I don’t deserve to be treated that way.  My response to that was, direct and to the point: “Yes, you did.  And, no, I don’t.”  He promised not to do it again.  That whole evening, I was inundated with affection, attention and admiration that I’d never seen when we dated.  And that was the hook.  He hooked me.  SHG wanted to talk about it, and he said he would call when he returned the following week from vacation.  That night, he was completely different than I’d experienced him before and I patiently (and uncharacteristically) awaited his return.

I feel like he showed up at my door asking for a second chance, throwing at me all his feelings, wrapping me up in romance as comfy as satin, and a soft whirlwind of intrigue, excitement and possibility.  (No sex was involved.)  Now, I sit here, and it is six days after he’s returned from that trip. I hadn’t had so much as a text message.  Not an IM.  No e-mail saying, “Hey, I’m home!  I’ll call later this week to make plans.”  (Or, whatever.)  Let alone a phone call.  So, I did what I normally would never do: I e-mailed him.  I asked how he was, and I let him know that I was surprised to have not heard from him after that grand display–you know, remember that one night two weeks ago?  His reply?  He’s been exhausted every night after catching up at work; that he will call in a couple days to chat; that he has “been thinking of [me] and wanted to get in touch; but [he] just has felt like a zombie.  And still feels like a zombie.”  Um, what?

It’s two days later, and I still haven’t received that phone call.  I could sit here like one of those girls in He’s Just Not That into You and make a long list of halfway-valid and not-at-all-valid excuses for why it’s OK that he’s a zombie and not feeling like spending two minutes to say hello, why I hadn’t received a phone call.  Or an e-mail.  Or a text.  Or why he hadn’t contacted me in one of 1000 other ways that exist in this new age of technology and information science.  But, I won’t.

My philosophy has always been to acknowledge, encourage and respond positively to initiations that men make (if I so dig ’em).  Because, really, most men will move mountains to see a girl they dig.  All we need to do is respond accordingly–at least, that’s what’s always worked for me in the past (or, has it?).  I didn’t want to send my e-mail in the first place, for fear that I’d come off as that girl waving at him, jumping up and down, pony tail swinging side to side, shouting, “Hi!  Hi!  Remember me!?  Yoo-hoo!”, while he’s off in his own little world doing whatever it is he does when he’s not (ever, really) showing me that he’s thinking of me.

I’m not sure what to expect at this point.  I’m not sure, anymore, what that star-studded night was about for him.  I feel confused and humiliated, sad and a little angry.  And, I need some perspective.  I feel like I probably know the answer.  But, I also feel like I need a big, cushy blanket of honest, powerful women (and maybe men) to shine their light on my situation.  In any other situation, I’d pass this up.  He meant a lot to me when we dated a year ago, and I was sad to have to end it then; it’s been a year since I left him—the guy I adored who couldn’t show up to the relationship.  Can things really change?  And, yeah, I’ll be asking him a whole series of questions whenever I see him next.  In the meantime, here you all are, and I hope you will pull me from my denial.

Internet, followers of the ever-generous Sizzle, will you please share with me your wisdom?  Advice?  Experiences?  Was I being unreasonable expecting an outreach of hello from him, within a few days back from a sunny vacation filled with the sea and margaritas?  Am I drowning myself in denial?  Have I turned into a classic case of He’s Just Not That into You, even though he says he is?  And, do I give him the benefit of the doubt?

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46 thoughts on “Your Advice

  1. Hi. Bottom line as I see it: he is still not going to make any relationship with you a priority. This is clear from the pattern of “wooing and lack of communication post-woo”. He may well be a good person overall, he’s just not going to jive with any dating aspect if this is how he treats people who are special in his life. Thanks for the opportunity to chime in.

  2. You know when a relationship begins and you can’t wait to see each other? And you’re making out (um, you can say that euphemistically if you’d like) until 3am and you’re going to work all sleep-deprived but happy because you have that skip in your step because you have met someone who is just OMGYESTHATAMAZING?

    Meaning that if he meant what he said, the very first thing he would have done when he got home was call or email you. Maybe you wouldn’t have seen him, but he would have reached out immediately. This isn’t the Wild West. We have ways of communicating with each other past a carrier pigeon and the Pony Express.

    If he is interested he will MAKE TIME.*

    My advice (since you asked!): move on. If he calls up or emails for a friendly dinner, say you’re busy. You clearly have good friends like Sizzle to hang out with.

    *He’s absolved of this if he is: an astronaut, an oncologist, an international firefighter who works on oil rig fires, or the President of the United States. But if he has time to take a week vacation…he’s probably not any of those.

  3. Not only do I think He’s Just Not Into You, but I think he’s not even much of a friend. It’s like he just wants to stick his big toe in the ocean, just in case he wants to go in, but he never commits to getting wet.

    Even as a “friend” he lacks the communication skills of a normal person.

    I’d let him go. I think he’s confused about what he does and does not want in a relationship or for himself.

    You’ve got enough on your hands taking care of your own business without helping him through his too.

  4. The fact that he initially told you that the relationship wasn’t a priority is the GIANT RED FLAG to me. People usually tell you the truth about who they are, whether they intend to or not. I would personally not give him the benefit of the doubt (says the girl who hasn’t actually taken her own advice many times… ahem…). When a guy comes along and is really into you, there will be ZERO question in your mind. Period.

    Also: he is being a dick. Whether he’s fundamentally a good person or not, he’s being a dick. You deserve better.

    Hugs to you! I know this isn’t necessarily the most fun thing to hear, but I promise you that there’s better out there.

  5. I think you hit the nail on the head with this line: “Really, most men will move mountains to see a girl they dig.”

    This guy is not moving any mountains for you. No matter how tired, how zombie-like, how busy…if he was thinking of you, he’d make time to contact you. And, if he can’t or doesn’t know how to make this time, he’s really not right for you.

    A very close friend of mine recently met a guy who she was really jazzed about. It was apparent that he really liked her too. I saw them together, there was chemistry. In the short time they dated she met his friends and his family. But, he hated texting or sending emails and he only felt comfortable seeing her a couple times a week. This was not enough contact for my friend. She wanted him to call or send sweet texts when they weren’t together and he just couldn’t handle it. He tried, but the texts were forced and boring. The emails would say, “Hi. How are you? I am fine.” Basically, even tho the guy was into my friend and tried to show her in the way she asked, he failed. So, they broke it off.

    I think you should patiently wait for someone to come along who knows instinctively how to treat you. (He DOES exist!) It will make things so much easier in the long run. 🙂

  6. I have been a lurker (and rare commenter) here for a long time. Bottom line, you deserve and will find better.

    Never make someone your priority when you are merely their option.

    Move on, and don’t look back.

  7. You deserve better than “Oh I hope my boyfriend will make time for me this week”!

    From what you’ve written I honestly can’t tell if the guy is truly a dick or if he’s just one of those annoying “out of sight out of mind” guys who gets completely absorbed by what is in front of him at any given moment. It could be true that he really does like you and that he really does want to be with you. BUT if he doesn’t act on those feelings until it is super convenient for him then I wouldn’t waste my time waiting around and hoping for it to get better.

    Go out, have fun, fill up your life and if he wants to see you, great! You’ll see if you can find time to squeeze him in to YOUR busy schedule. You say that you like spending time with him but surely there are other people that you enjoy hanging out with as well. Why should you put everything on hold for a “just in case”? 🙂

  8. In my opinion, this guy is just stringing you along. And poorly, at that. Maybe when you’re together he does truly enjoy being with you, but the bottom line is that in between he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to connect. Do you really want a one sided relationship? You shouldn’t have to do all the work. I wouldn’t spend any more time on him because he’s not going to change. He may claim he can change. He may even do a good job for a week or two. But I’d bet that he’ll always revert to the same behavior.

  9. I agree with the previous commenters. You deserve better. He will NEVER be there for you, and you’ve been gracious enough to allow some change in him. He hasn’t delivered, so it’s time to move on. He may manipulate and make promises to change again, but he isn’t worth your heart and time.

    As Erin said – “fill up your life”: make sure that you’ve had time to grieve or process the past relationships and feel at peace with yourself. It’s okay to take that time for YOU. Live life. Invest in people and activities that enrich you and give life meaning.

    Best of luck! You have power over this part of your life – you can make the decision to make the best of this situation! You can do it! (We’ll be here for you!)

  10. the least this guy has been is consistent – full of sweet words that add up to nothing.

    i dated one guy who was fine with seeing me just once a week. even when we were both free and were emailing each other like crazy, he still didn’t want to see me. that should have been indication to me that i was worth exactly one night a week to him, but it took me 6 months to figure it out.

    i dated another guy who claimed to be “tired” when he started not answering my calls. that was code for “not that interested in me anymore.”

    like everyone said, you deserve so much better. a relationship, especially in the beginning, should be amazing, where you can’t wait to see each other, can’t get enough of each other.

    when my current boyfriend and i started dating, he went to italy for two weeks, and when he came back, we saw each other immediately, although he was jetlagged and exhausted. i thought, this is how it should be!

  11. Everyone else has already said it, and said it well – you deserve to be treated better than this man has been treating you. Please don’t feed his ego by running to him whenever he decides he has time to see you. Being alone is better than being someone’s afterthought. Good luck!

  12. Don’t let yourself castle-build with this guy. He’s seriously a moat-dweller. He needed some sort of ego fix and he got it. Look at what he’s doing, not what he’s saying. His time is up. Next!

  13. I’m a firm believer in making time for the people you really want to be with. You’re correct in feeling like it’s not going to change given he neglected to call you even after being back for 6 days. It doesn’t take that long to make a phone call or even a text message nowadays. We really don’t have any excuses for no communications other than ‘not interested’.

    I’ve been on both sides of this situation and the hardest side to be on is the recipient. You just don’t know and that makes everything considerably worse.

  14. Just the fact that you are asking for opinions means that in your heart you already know the answer. If it was really something to go for, you’d know it. Let this one go–and let it go forever. No more dinners, emails, etc…. It’s not worth it.

    I am continually amazed at how my life mirrors yours sometimes. Seriously. It’s weird.

  15. The fact that you are left hanging time and again is a bad sign. I would remind myself that this is not ok, and try to keep my expectations low. This, of course, means acknowledging that he cannot give you what you need, want and deserve. Then let it go.

  16. Yeah, he sounds like a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. And frankly, you deserve better. Actions always speak louder than words.

  17. i agree with most of the posts above. if he was into you, he would have called the second he got home. he didn’t and you, therefore are not the priority in his life. i can’t believe you had to email him to hear from him. do you wonder how long it would have been had you not? you deserve WAY more than that.

    what i would say the next step to be? make sure when he approaches you, maybe with words of apology and wanting to be with you, that he knows exactly WHY you will not be with him.

  18. Ummmmmmmmm, did I write this/1?!?!?!? I’m sorry, i’m not even reading the other responses yet because I don’t want it to color my opinion, but:

    RUN.

    I got out of a horrible 4 year relationship, and met the man I thought I was destined to be with. Everything was so easy, so perfect… for about 4 months… and then in the 5th month, I started noticing a lack of attention… a lack of time together… a lack of physical intimacy… and we talked about it… and then a week later he dumped me via email. We’ll call him the Auctioneer.

    About months later I met the man i am happily with now — and about 4 months into THIS relationship, The Auctioneer decided to seek me out, and he’s been doing the “cat and mouse’ thing ever since. It’s ridiculous. I’ve completely stopped respoding to him. He’ll NEVER give me what i want — and I found what i want with somebdoy else anyway.

    I guy makes time for teh girl he wants. Period. Being a zombie is no excuse to not make a quick phone call or text or email. It is ridiculous behavior. He’s “performing maintenence” on you — ie, giving you just enough attentino to keep you hooked without actually giving you what you want / deserve. My current boyfriend always says, “well, guy are weird like that – even if they dno’t want to be with you, they don’t really want you to be with anybody else.”

    Run.

  19. Sounds like this guy is keeping you around on the back burner – he wants you available for when he wants to come out and play but he’s never going to be there for you, he’s never going to reciprocate – his life is far more important than yours. The fact that he flatters you every time you talk or is a red-flag – a person that’s interested in and likes you will show you through their actions, all that verbal flattery is merely a distraction technique – waving something shiny in front of your face so that you won’t notice that he’s not nearly as sincere as he sounds.
    I’ve been there way too many times (and been the fool repeatedly). Don’t even respond to emails/calls/texts except for the first to say the “I’m no longer interested/ this isn’t going to work” – just don’t. Erase his contact information, ignore his emails and IMs after that. I’ve got one guy I dated over a year ago who was very similar, and who, still, every couple weeks sends me an IM at work, which I pointedly ignore. He just wants to draw you back into his net so he can keep you in limbo. I agree with what everyone else says – go out and do your thing like he’s not even there and doesn’t matter (eventually feeling that way will follow). You deserve better.

  20. People have a great way of showing us who they are. It’s good to look at the positive in people and give the benefit of the doubt, but his excuse is lame. He was gone for two weeks and didn’t even ask how you are or how things are going for you. If he was really thinking of you and wanted to get in touch, he would have. A check-in text takes 30 seconds and I think even zombies are able to do that.

    You do deserve better.

  21. I agree with what everyone else says also. I am a firm believer in making time for those we care about, and I’ve certainly been known to make more time than the other person does. I felt like *one* of us has to make the effort. I realize now that that mindset got me nowhere, and that it has to take 2.

  22. Actually, he would have called you from where ever he was, daily,if he was that into you. Although that may have been a warning sign of another problem all together :-). Good luck!

  23. You said: My philosophy is that you can SAY any sweet ole thing you wanna say; but it’s what you do about it that perks me.

    Well, from what I read in this post, he’s saying to you that he recognizes his old behavior patterns were jerky and you deserved more, and he is going to change. And he’s also very clearly showing you that he’s still, even a week later, doing the same old pattern of non-appreciation and emotional neglect he always did.

    What you choose to do about this is up to you, and I can tell that you feel confused about what you want to do about it, but I’d say the situation itself isn’t confusing at all: He’s saying one thing and doing another–same as he’s always done. Nothing’s changed.

  24. P.S. I also think he’s doing you a favor, being so completely obvious about his failure to follow through on his promises. He could have maybe kept the pretense up for a few weeks, leaving you more hopeful that he had changed, but he’s made it pretty obvious right from the beginning what he’s about. At least you don’t have any questions on that front.

  25. Imagine you were a friend of yours — what would you tell you? I suspect you’d say something like, “if he really wants to give things a shot, he’ll make the effort. Until then, don’t spend your time on someone who’s not spending theirs on you.”

    Men vote with their time and there is no reasonable excuse for his not at least texting you if he is so interested in trying again. So if he pulls his head out of his butt, maybe consider it. Until then, assume that he has not changed at all.

  26. It’s not OK. There’s no reason for you to try to find reasons why it is OK. When you were together he refused to make your relationship a priority and excused his behavior by acknowledging it up front. Now he’s toying with your emotions with a bunch of empty declarations. The guy sounds like a jerk, plain and simple. I don’t think that will ever change. I’d be sad and hurt in your position too, but at the same time all this BS is a reflection of him and his assholery, and not about you at all. Don’t give this guy another chance. There are much better, nicer, more thoughtful people out there.

  27. He might change but he is who he is. And that’s it’s not what you want. If he turns his life around again he might call again someday but it’s out of your control. on a side not I got a facebook message from an old GF. “I was a shit to you and you did not deserve it !”. It’s 15 years late but if I was available she’d have chance to say she changed. You just never know….

  28. You don’t want someone who makes you second guess his actions (or rather, inaction) or your own actions. You gave him the benefit of the doubt about his change in character, which I think is commendable because everyone deserves a chance to improve themselves. But he hasn’t followed through, no matter what the reason, and you owe him nothing more. Move on.

  29. It sounds to me like you have to determine what you need and expect out of a relationship. If you are ok with someone coming and going off the grid. Showering you with crazy amounts of attention and then disappearing for a while. Not being a number one priority. Then maybe SHG is the right type of guy for you.

    But, the mere fact that you’re confused by his actions and words. The fact that you’ve asked what we think is going on. That you’re slightly concerned you’re going to be burned again. Well, to me that says you want more than what SHG is willing to give. And it doesn’t make SHG a bad person, per se, it just makes him not the right person for you.

  30. dea beat me to it! She quoted you! I’m going to do it anyway, because you seem to need the reminder…
    “My philosophy is that you can SAY any sweet ole thing you wanna say; but it’s what you do about it that perks me.”

    He hasn’t done anything remotely deserving of your attention. Honey, save and spare yourself. It Sucks, as you said, but it’s for the best. FOR YOU!

    You deserve to have Everything you want… Do you want this? Doesn’t sound like it!

  31. Well girly, I didn’t even need to read past the first intro paragraph to see what the problem is. Oprah has oft been quoted as saying(taken from somewhere else) that,”When someone tells you Who They Are, you need to believe them.” You are setting yourself up for mistreatment and heartache, by being blind and so optimistic.

    People Do NOT change. They may alter their course, they may realize their mistakes, but they rarely, if ever, change. We all have our own “ways” of being, of dealing with people, of responding to stimuli, you know? Too, we all must be on our guard that our weaknesses do not open us up for use by people. This is where the Change you speak of, can begin with US.

    The guy is married, or something. He is using you, and maybe other people to fulfill his need for romance and wooing and The Chase. If he is “Not Available” and must be seen “by Appointment Only”, then you should be afraid, verrry afraid. Boyfriends are just like Friends of any other ilk, in that,m you should be able to expect to see them speak to them and show up at their house at any time, and it’s OK. They should still be held to the same codes as a Friend would be. A BF is someone who supposedly loves you and desires you even more than your bestest friend could– and for most people that means daily phone calls, and OMG I can;t wait to see you. It’s a bond you make, that you perpetuate, and support thru your life together. It isn;t a convenience.

    Take what you have learned about this sweetheart guy, and apply it to your next real attempt at love. Look for those good and nice qualities, and also, look for those warning signs as well that will tell you to beware of hidden subtext. You sound nice, and maybe doormat-ty, so make sure you pick someone who is truly nice and goodhearted. They are out there, just like you, looking for kindness.
    Good luck.

  32. I think you’ve been seeing this guy “Ike” that I’ve been writing about. You don’t live in Winnipeg do you??
    I’ve termed Ike a “collector” – someone who just likes to have women available for him because it caters to his ego. When you’re immediately in their faces, then yes, they woo you with pretty words, and maybe even have moments of lucidity when they realize they kind of suck (or maybe they’re just saying what they think you want to hear) but once you’re not in front of them? Out of sight out of mind.
    Sounds like this guy wants to keep you around as an option, but he’s just not willing to put forth any effort.
    I know it’s sucky, as he hasn’t done anything really dramatically unforgivable, but as with everyone -I think it’s best if you just cut your losses now.
    Obvs you’re fab and will find someone who will treat you as such.
    xo

  33. Dude, is his name Andrew, and is he originally from the Kansas City area? Because I SWEAR I dated this guy. It helped me a lot when he moved to northern California after we’d known each other for about 6 or 7 months. But prior to that, I kept going back and going back and going back again every time he would email me with his simple, “Hey, been thinking about you…how’re things going?” emails or texts.

    He was hard to hate, and yet when looking back, he really made it very easy. I don’t know if I was blind, or what the deal was. (Probly just lonely, I’d guess. Happens to the best of us, fo sho!)

    I’m with the other commenters…I’d say it’s best for you to move on, and stop trying to contact him, and pay no attention to any contact he attempts with you. You’re totally right in that men will move mountains to be with the woman they truly want to be with, and if you’re looking for a serious connection, it sounds like SHG isn’t the right one for you. I had to go through a LOT of those wrong guys before finding my ab fab husband, so believe me, I get what you’re going through! The right one won’t make it so hard for you, is the thing. The right one will be easy to read, and to talk to, and to communicate with in general. Pretty much the complete opposite of SHG…

  34. I do not understand why you feel humiliated or anything. You did nothing wrong. It is perfectly awesome to want to be in love and openly give yourself to someone. Do not change into some bitter person.

    As for the guy. I do not think he is necessarily a jerk. He obviously has his work as the first priority. (Is he a programmer? lol. Just asking we tend to be work obsessed and bad with people). Just realize that his priority is not you and the relationship will go nowhere and accept that. Just go off on your own way or remain friends or whatever you feel is right.

  35. FALLING IN LOVE SHOULD BE EASIER THAN THIS.

    There are others in the world who can love you and it can feel natural and easy. No shame in what happened but he is not worth the negative self talk that comes with his aloofness. Life is short. Be with people that give you more life not take it away.

    Sending good love energy your way.

  36. I agree with all of these ladies, but would also include the addendum that the problem is that you are dating somebody other than me. Because I would most certainly not leave you alone. At least not until you were able to get a restraining order. Then I would probably just go cut myself.

    There are other men. Clear this one out and you will have made room for somebody else. The piece you are not talking about is how much you dig him. All of this shit is about whether or not he digs you. I think you’re on the wrong question. Which, I think, is why are you attached to thinking about a person who doesn’t want to be right in front of you? While you’re focused on thinking about a quasi relationship that demeans you, what are you avoiding thinking about? Would you even be able to deal with a guy who really wanted to be present in your world? What is so hard to face, that you would rather dwell on this thing that hurts you?

    Also, I think you should ask yourself why you really wouldn’t just rather have dinner with me.

    Then again, what the fuck do I know?

  37. I think you got it right when you said there are 50 gazillion ways to get in touch, to at least let you know, show you he’s treating you like you deserve to be treated.
    I’d get off the river of denial and get on the river of annoyance and, you know, go out with your girlfriends and tell him to fuck off 🙂

  38. I know how tempting it is, but sounds like you need to move on. Don’t bother with keeping in contact with him because dude knows how to string you along. Even if he doesn’t mean to, even if he has the best intentions, even if you have no expectations, I would just cut ties with him. Otherwise, it seems it will be the same story over and over again. And you obviously deserve better. If a guy likes a girl enough, he will find a way to get in touch even DURING vacation. Let alone a quick note after… He doesn’t seem to be able to adjust his behavior to what you need in a relationship and that is enough to end this dog and pony show right now. You deserve better.

  39. I know I’m late on this but I would venture to say it won’t matter if he’s with you or with someone else…the one he’s most interested in is himself. She’s shown that with his actions (or lack thereof). Without even knowing you, I can confidentally say that you deserve better.

  40. Face the truth: HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! Sorry sister. My guy friends tell me that if men ARE interested, they’d be all over you like flies on manure. And he’s using your emotions and you are allowing him to do so because you’re vunerable right now whether you want to think that or not. Plus you wrote wayyyy toooooo much about this fucktit. I mean, what would BRIDGET JONES do about this? Her friends would tell her to tell him to “bugger off.” Next time he calls or shows up unannounced tell him you and your ex got back together and you couldn’t be happier. Sure it’s a lie but he’ll get the message. Good luck to you!!!

  41. you were 2 months out of a relationship. NOT enough time to heal. and just because he was the first nice and “great” guy you found right after your crappy guy, does not mean another one is not around the corner.

    someone who wants to be *with you* will figure out some way or another to communicate. we all get busy with life/work, etc…but the lack of communication now is the tip of the iceberg.

    being fully single is better than being half single. well, that’s just about the same thing…

    move on.

  42. RUN – do not walk – away from this emotional vacuum and time drain. He’s showed you who he is and what he’s like – the whole package including the ugly bits you already KNOW you don’t want to live with. Don’t waste your time and heart.

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