Two More Weeks of This

Since the Smell Lady gave notice, I’ve only shown her apartment once. Partly due to my crazy work schedule and partly due to wanting to avoid interacting with her at all costs. Because she is crazy. And not in the good way.

I attempted to call her multiple times over as many days only to have her phone ring and ring and ring. She apparently does not have an answering machine. Then I resorted to an old fashioned paper note stuck in her door because, oh yes, she has not given me an email address despite my frequent requests to do so. When she finally called me she said the reason the phone was ringing repeatedly was because they had it plugged into the internet. She has dial up! Excuse me, but what the hell year is it? Am I back in 1991?!


Our conversation went down something like this:

{Semi-pleasant greetings exchanged}

I got your note. Our phone was plugged into the internet but we don’t have an answering machine anyhow.

That makes it very difficult for me to get a hold of you then.

Yes. I wanted to ask you a few things. Why do you need to take pictures of my apartment?

So I can post them to the Craig’s List ad I have up. We get a much higher response rate when there are photos of the unit.

I do not want photos of my apartment on the internet. I cannot allow it.

Uh. . . okay.

You have to give me 24 hours notice to enter my apartment.

Actually, no I do not. You have given me written notice to vacate so I technically can show your apartment without notice during reasonable hours.

I work at a property management company and I do not think that is the law.

Well, it is. You go ahead and look that up. When you give written notice to move out, the 24 hr head’s up is no longer required. But it really won’t matter as I usually schedule with the tenant some chunks of time during the week where I will be showing their apartment given how busy my schedule is. We can just agree to a few times during the week where I will show it.

I do not want you showing my apartment without me there.

I can’t promise that. It’s my job to rent your apartment and if someone stops by and wants to see it, I can legally show it to them right then. I don’t generally do that because like I already said, I’m very busy and prefer to schedule appointments that are mutually agreeable to the tenant and myself.

I want 24 hours notice before you show it and I want to be there when you do.

Uhhhh, I think we’ve already gone over this. I don’t have to give you notice. I likely will because that’s how I like to do things but I can’t promise that. I don’t have to do that.

Well I work at a property management company. . .

(interrupting her) Yes, you said that. And like I said, you go ahead and look that up. I’m showing your apartment at 6:30 tomorrow. See you then. Good-bye.

It’s conversations like this that make me want to throw my phone across the room.

And tit punch her.*

If she had tits.

*Invoking Kaplyism


31 thoughts on “Two More Weeks of This

  1. I think I’d want to punch her in the stomach. Make her lose her breath. Give her a moment of panic. I’d probably come up with other things I’d want to do to her, but I can’t stop thinking about the asshole this morning who sped up to cut me off (even though no one was behind me) and then gave me the finger when I switched lanes to pass him. WTF?

  2. Baahahaha!! Tit punch her! That’s even better than “kicking her in the box.”

    Thanks for the laugh!

    We have a rental house with two suites, people are a pain in the friggen ass. I feel your pain.

  3. WHAT? She has no idea what she’s talking about. And there’s no way she can “not allow” you to take photos of the unit. UGH, The Crazy you have to deal with is unreal. I can’t wait until she’s gone, for good!

  4. The reason she “cannot allow” photos of her apartment to go up on the internet is because it would take her three weeks to download them at dial-up speeds. Okay, not really: it’s because she’s CRAZY.

  5. You have the patience of a saint. We shall immediately get to work on the monument for St. Sizzle, patron saint of harried landlords.

  6. I vote against tit punching. You’d most likely be implicated. Instead, you should accidentally spill water (or some other beverage) on her shoes. Because it’s clearly an accident and what’s worse than walking around with squishy, sticky shoes? Go ahead. You know you want to.

  7. Yeah in writing from now on if I was you. Avoid her! lol

    And I love that you use the “crazy, but not in the good way”… I totally believe there are batshit crazy people that are amazing functioning humans ! lol

  8. I love it when people act like “if I just keep repeating myself maybe she’ll change her answer/mind!” That’s when I pull out the “you can keep asking but I’m not going to change my mind.”

  9. I’m surprised you didn’t follow with “well, I work for a property management company too. And I’m planning an open house at 2 a.m. on Friday night and going to sum all the crack heads I can find to take your smelly shit.”

    Don’t blame you for wanting to inflict violence.

  10. I’m SO GLAD she’ll be gone soon, Sizz. I think I would bang my head against a wall after a conversation like that. Hang in there! Take a big red marker and “X” off the days!

  11. I want to make you one of those paper chains that we made in grade school to countdown to Christmas. Every morning you can tear one off. And, maybe you can hang it outside her door.

  12. Dear God, that woman sounds annoying.

    This tit punching thing, I could get on board with that. Go for it!

  13. Pingback: Crazy Makes Me Crazy « Sizzle Says

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