Good-bye Has Never Felt So Good

I could pull an April Fool’s joke on you today and say that the Smell lady changed her mind about moving out but then that’d actually be a horrible joke.* The only one who would truly suffer if that were truth is yours truly. I am so sick of talking about her but today I get to say good riddance and hopefully never ever speak of her again.

I will try to see the bright side in dealing with her for the past two years- she did provide good blog fodder.  Here’s how she went out:

  1. Her mom was helping her move stuff and clean. They were both wearing white masks. I felt like I was in a scene in Outbreak. They were missing the jumpsuits though.
  2. The crazy bleeding drunk/high chick was there helping her. I thought she was a friend of Twitch who is Smell Lady’s across-the-hall neighbor. She is around a lot and likes to say hello to me and say my real first name. I STILL DO NOT KNOW THIS CHICK. Creepy. At least this time she seemed sober. And not bleeding.
  3. Smell Lady moved the mattress from the front porch. To the dumpster. It sat there all day but  she claimed someone was going to pick it up by 9pm. If it’s there when I leave today, she’s getting charged for having it hauled away.
  4. When we were doing the walk thru and we got to the bathroom she said, “We hardly ever used the bathroom.” Please explain to me HOW THAT IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. She and her kid lived there for three years! But like I said, last time I was there I saw stuff piled up in the clawfoot tub. The tub and the shower are the same. Did they sponge bathe for three years?!
  5. When returning her sets of keys, she only had one front door and one apartment key which differed from what her lease stated (2 of each with one mail key). Since she doesn’t have the mail key she’ll be charged to have it re-keyed.
  6. It was pretty dark in her apartment so I’m 90% sure she didn’t clean it very well. There was stuff still in boxes and bags so the floor had not been mopped or swept. There were cobwebs on the picture rails which I pointed out she needed to clean. But the fridge was sparking (thanks to her mom). And since they never used the bathroom the upswing is it was clean.

I’m almost afraid to go up there and check on the unit because I know I will find more. Or by the dumpster where, in fatigue and fedupness, she might have left the remaining bits of her over-packed apartment for me to haul away.

There’s still the tale of the major pot head who is also moving out this month (not to be confused with the Smell Lady’s nemesis) but I’ll save that for another day- because despite it being the first of the month he is STILL NOT MOVED OUT.

*Nothing tops the April Fool’s joke I pulled two years ago on y’all.


20 thoughts on “Good-bye Has Never Felt So Good

  1. FINALLY! Are you going to change the locks on the door just to be on the safe side and make sure she NEVER come in again??

  2. Dude. Wow. How can you rarely use the bathroom and live with a kid? Did she go outside? I’m confused by this woman, but will miss the stories about her.

  3. How on earth could a woman and child live someplace for three years and “hardly” use the bathroom?! That is so creepy.

  4. Sooo… he’s moving out “this month” meaning April or March? In other words… is he sure he’s moving out? 🙂

    That “friend” won’t be missed at least. Now she won’t have a reason to hang around either. Yay! Bonus! I, too, am confused about the bathroom situation. Have you checked the closets?

    Okay… I’ll just go with YIPPEE!! She’s GONE!

  5. I went back and read that old post and the comments. Only a few people were even suspicious…kudos to you and your superior pranking skills!
    I hated walk-out inspections. Oh how I hated them. I did everything I could to get out of doing them. On the plus side though, when it was my turn to move out of my place, I knew exactly what to do to get my full deposit back!

  6. So glad she is gone! BTW, how old is she? I was picturing older, but when you say her mom was helping, I’m thinking younger.

  7. Hip, hip (hurrah!), and good riddance!

    New rule: only sane and courteous people get to move into your building. Or else I’m sending Liam Neeson over there to neck punch someone. (Neck punching is Liam’s preferred style of punching.)

  8. that is definitely a good goodbye, my goodness. and seriously, how did they not use the bathroom!?! that is just baffling and all around gross, ew ew ew. you should probably wear gloves when you do a walk through.

  9. She never used the bathroom? I guess those smells that offend her so much will follow her to her next place!

  10. Um, I totally remember your joke from two years ago (and falling for it :>)

    And I cracked up several times over them “hardly” using the bathroom! Damn, I loved that. People are such damn freaks. I’m super glad they’re gone. 🙂

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