“The difference, I’m learning, is in what we focus on. When I focus on the rake of experience and how its fingers dug into me and the many feet that have walked over me, there is no end to the life of my pain. But when I focus on the soil of my heart and how it has been turned over, there is no end to the mix of feelings that defy my want to name them. Tragedy stays alive by feeling what’s been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the results.“ – Mark Nepo
I’m at that place in my journey where I am well aware of my triggers, my old story, my past pain. I understand the whys of how I am. It’s the letting it go and the making peace that I’ve been struggling to wrestle into submission. I’m hoping all this emotional baggage I’ve been dragging behind me has, in some metaphoric sense, been tilling the soil of my spirit which would bring me to an ideal place to plant. I want to take the pain of the past and bury it. Maybe from there, deep in the dirt of my life, it can sprout to something beautiful.
This is how I tend to the garden of my heart.
Loving Mr. Darcy has made me a better gardener. He is genuine and steady and true. He makes me trust myself more. He makes me less afraid of everything that is out of my control (that’s a lot of stuff) because I am slowly grasping that I am not alone in this life. I never actually was but with him here, I trust that as truth. The more I love him, the more I have to let go of old stuff to make room for the love that keeps growing. Because this love? Is big. Bigger than I ever thought possible.
I’m sorting out the rocks from the soil. I’m digging deep. Next, I’ll tell you what I am planting. Let’s hope from all this a beautiful garden grows.