You’ve heard about the Hoarder, right? She’s my tenant, my next door neighbor, a very nice woman who lives in an apartment stuffed with stuff and things and more things and other stuff. She’s also very tiny so I’m surprised her apartment has not yet swallowed her up.
So the other day, Mr. Darcy and I are returning home and I notice multiple bags in the hallway. Bags filled with what appears to be recycling. Her apartment door is slightly ajar and I can hear voices. This piques my interest because a) I’ve never in the 2.5 years I’ve lived here heard her have a visitor over, b) could she actually be cleaning (gasp!) and c) I am nosy. As we walk past I poke Mr. Darcy while pointing and (stage) whispering “look inside the Hoarder’s place!” because I want him to see the hoarding in all its glory but instead he looks the other way aghast that I, again, have zero ability to be subtle.*
It’s true; subtlety is not my strong suit.
A little while later as I lugged laundry down to the wash room I noticed that the bags had multiplied. Where there were three there were now six. While I commend her progress, I don’t much care for looking at other people’s trash. Besides the lease specifically states that tenants are not to clutter up the communal hallways. I let it be as much as it irks me because if she’s actually cleaning her hovel, I don’t want to stop progress.
The next day I leave to go to work and there are still bags there and now, a large box apparently containing an air purifier. This puts me on edge. But I don’t say anything. I tell myself to chill and if the stuff is still there when I get home from work, I will talk to her. Mr. Darcy texts me later that morning on his way to work to report that some of the bags had been removed. But when I arrived home that night there were still bags of trash and the air purifier. Grrrrrr! Again, I let it go thinking she’s trying and I should cut her some slack. She does have a bit of a limp and maybe it’s harder for her to clear out her debris. I mean she’s differently-abled and I should be more understanding. But still, I HATE LOOKING AT THAT SHIT IN THE HALLWAY.
Here’s where I wonder: If you are a hoarder and you live in a communal apartment building maybe it’s a cruel twist of fate to live next to your apartment manager who also happens to be a bit of a clean freak. Or it is possibly The Universe trying to help you get a grip. Don’t make me call A & E on your ass.
It’s then Tuesday and I leave for work noticing there are still bags and the box near her door. I swear to the baby Jesus that if she doesn’t remove that pile of shit by the time I get home, I’m fucking writing her up. Then I apologize to the baby Jesus for swearing and ask for a little help with having some patience and tolerance because I AM ON THE VERGE.
Can I get an Amen?
I arrive home last night to, guess what? Three bags and the damned box. I drop my stuff in my apartment and write her a note. Not an official warning that goes in her file, just a neighborly notice saying that while I appreciate she is cleaning out her apartment would she please not keep stuff in the hallways for days at a time as it is disrespectful to the other tenants and against her lease agreement.
Because one day? Okay, I can tolerate it. But three days? Hell to the No. If you let one person breaks the rules then all hell breaks loose. I’m trying to run a reputable establishment here for fuck’s sake.
*Remind me to tell you sometime about the time when Mr. Darcy and I were on a plane and I was very unsubtle.