It was 9pm when I heard a knock at my door. I was fresh from the shower and in my pjs.


It was one of my more high maintenance tenants. Since moving in she’s been very. . . let’s just say “particular” because I am trying to be nice. She likes things a certain way and while I appreciate that as I am like that too, being on the receiving end of those requests is pretty exhausting. But I’m nice to her because I am a nice person. . . and I am probably her to someone else. Just trying to even out my karma, you know?

So she’s distraught because her smoke alarm is beeping because the battery is low. She does not have a ladder or a chair that will get her up to the high ceiling where it is installed. Trying hard but failing miserably, I attempt to hide my disdain and tell her I will get a ladder and come up.

The ladder is down in the basement. She lives on the top floor. All of this requires me putting on a bra. Which, as we all know, is not my favorite thing.

I grab the ladder and a battery and make my way up the 4 flights of stairs. As I’m hoisting the ladder up the second floor landing, I accidentally dropped the battery I am holding in my left hand and it plummets down the space between the staircase. I lean over to look for it and when I step back, I miss the step with my right foot. My foot in an effort to find footing falls behind me and twists, the bottom of my foot turning inward and my ankle twisting. I try to grab onto the railing but it’s too late. I’m falling back a couple steps onto the landing, the ladder toppling down next to me.

Well, fuck.

I immediately think IT CAN’T BE BROKEN I HAVE TOO MUCH GOING ON. I had a fundraiser to run the following day and a trip back east in a week. Then I start to panic- I won’t be able to do yoga and I’m just now getting so attached to it. It’d be just like my life to fuck with my yoga mojo. I need my yoga!

I manage to pull myself up with minimal tears and realize I can gingerly put pressure on it so it’s not broken. Phew. And because I am a) crazy and b) bad ass, I grab that stupid fucking ladder and make my way up to the next floor (my floor) where I grab another battery and since I don’t have pockets and holding it before proved problematic, I stuff it into my bra cup. (What? Don’t tell me you’ve never used your bra for temporary storage. This much boob has multiple purposes.)

I make my way to the top floor, change her battery, make minimal small talk even though she’s trying to be polite and ask me about my life. I am like MY FOOT FUCKING HURTS & I AM WEARING A BRA PAST 9PM. Things aren’t peachy at the moment, Ms. P. That’s what I’ve decided to call her. P for Particular.

It’s really not the end of the world but when you’re hurting and you just want to be unwinding in your apartment and instead you’re on a ladder with a twisted ankle, you might not be in the best mood. I couldn’t fathom dragging that stupid ladder all the way back down stairs so I leaned it against the communal hallway wall and went into my apartment where I iced my foot then wrapped it in an ace bandage. Which is what I’ve been doing off and on for the past five days. The swelling has finally gone done but walking stairs are hard and my ankle cracks a lot more than usual (and it cracked a lot to begin with).

Being an apartment manager is dangerous. If you’re a klutz.


21 thoughts on “Twisted

  1. Wow. I feel bad that I was immensely entertained by that story šŸ˜‰

    I am glad that you didn’t break your ankle- maybe you should get a huge dog that you can sick on people when they knock on your door after 9.

  2. Ok, I’m sorry, but I did giggle a little bit at you. I’m glad you are ok though and nothing is broken. I would NOT be answering my door after 9, let alone putting on a bra! That’s the worst part. Ugh.

  3. I’m so! glad that fall wasn’t worse, and that the ladder landed NEXT to you, and not anywhere else. Because hi, scary.

    I have hereby decided you need an apartment managing minion (AMM) to carry ladders for you and also make your tea and rub your feet.

  4. I often use bra cups for storage. Unfortunately, because I’m a guy, the women just slap me and I rarely get my stuff back.

  5. Oh, girl! I’m so glad it wasn’t worse, but still. Scary and painful and a pain in the arse.

    I hope it’s feeling better soon! xoxo

  6. I am really glad it wasn’t worse, but a sprained ankle really can kill even a cheerful mood. I had a sprain once that hurt for months… I am sure I was pretty much pissed off the entire time!

  7. Ouch. Twisted ankles suck… they take so long to heal (because hello?, who has time to put up their feet for a week, or so?)… I hope you’re feeling better.

  8. Who the heck doesn’t have a small step ladder in their apartment?? No? Just me? It’s actually what I used to change the batteries in my two fire alarms. Get that ankle checked if it’s not feeling right but I hope it feels better soon!!

  9. I seriously cannot believe she asked you to help her change the battery.

    Totally NOT your responsibility.

    Sorry about your ankle hun. That sucks. And I hope she feels BAD.


  10. Everything seemed to go wrong once you put a bra on. I’d recommend going braless from now on and just putting the battery in your mouth. But be careful which direction you stick it in your mouth or your tongue will end up all shocked and tingly.

    Unless you’re into that kind of thing, in which case you can stick the battery any way you like. šŸ™‚

  11. I’m pretty sure that in every apartment I ever lived in, I was held responsible for things like smoke alarm batteries, HVAC filters and the like. The fact you had to supply a battery, let alone install it goes above and beyond the call of duty. I hope your ankle makes a quick recovery.

  12. I hope it is feeling better now!

    Seriously, you have to change batteries???? I need to move to your building. How awesome would it be to have someone do the stupid chores I hate doing (I promise I would never ever ask you to change a battery for me…how embarrassing to think you can’t just do that yourself!)

  13. You poor thing! I hope you feel 100% better soon.

    I often put up with some stuff for the same reason – I know I am THAT person to someone else.

    I use my bra to store lots of things when running – keys, ID, money, sunglasses, headphones (Not all at once, of course!).

  14. Oh no, I hope your ankle feels better soon! Who knew bras were so great for storage?

    I sprained my ankle when I was a counselor at a summer camp so badly I could barely walk on it … and I didn’t even go to the doctor. I was way more badass back then.

  15. Oh crap! I am wishing you healing love, lady! You are way nicer than I am: I would have brought her down to the ladder, let her carry it up the stairs and change the battery herself–with her battery. Because I am not as nice as you. That, and my motto is: “Let me help you help yourself.” (Thanks, Evergreen State College!)

    Feel better soon!! šŸ™‚ XO

  16. At least you didn’t break it, or maybe you did. Have you been to the doctor? NO?! Ms Sizzle, march yourself over to the doctor and get that looked at immediately!

  17. I would have called her PITA. But there it is. Glad it wasn’t broken. I’m 90 per cent sure you’re the best building manager out there. Our former landlord would have told us to stand on a chair and suck it up.

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