Lately the message being reinforced to me by the universe is to: Listen & Love.
Like when your boyfriend of eight months is packing up his apartment and bringing bags of clothes and boxes of nerd toys over to what was formerly your bachelorette pad and you’re feeling the ohmygodthisisreallyhappening panic set in. You’ve got to just take a deep breath and really listen. To what’s going on in that head of yours. To ask the questions that are hard to say and then REALLY listen to his answers. And above all, remember that you love him and he loves you.
Or when said boyfriend insists on packing a box or two a night after work and sloooowly bringing stuff over which in your mind seems ridiculous because who wants to drag out moving? Moving sucks. But when you’re a rip-the-band-aid-off kind of girl you might tend to plow through life rather than take your time. And your boyfriend is not like you. This is what balances you. And drives you batty. So after you lose your cool because you are scared, hungry, tired, hot, etc. and you’ve apologized for being kind of a bitch, you remind yourself that above all, you love him and he loves you.
You see, Mr. Darcy and I are not in a fairy tale. This is a real, bona-fide, adult relationship with its ups and its downs- its sleepless nights because of bed hogging or snoring, its morning breath greetings, its sleepily mumbled I love you’s and arguments while driving, its back and forth over where to put the tv, its sharing of the remote, the bathroom and the chores. If we are happy it is because we work at being so. At being supportive and open and loving. Because we don’t need to tell you that love takes work. That’s the nature of partnership.
So there’s a lot of negotiating and compromise going on between us right now. We’re navigating our way through unchartered territory. Neither of us knows how to do this and so of course we are going to bump into each other on the emotional highway. The best we can do is give each other the courtesy of checking our own issues, being honest, sharing and being willing to meet halfway.
To just remember to listen and to not forget why we’re here. We’re here because of love.
I’m trying not to bury the feelings that got me to this precipice of risk- the deep love I have for this man who has made a home in my heart. Where the book cases go or who gets what closet doesn’t matter in the long run, just that we are together and remembering that it’s the love that matters in the end.