Push Comes To Shove

I am still feeling stuck.

I’m having trouble shifting my focus onto healthy self-care and find myself repeatedly self-sabotaging. I’ve been wallowing in the depths of my negative body image and frankly, I’m sick of it. Sick of the hurtful things I say to myself. Sick of only seeing ugly when I look in the mirror. Sick of it I say!

I buy an unlimited yoga pass each month which allows me the freedom to sign up and cancel classes without penalty. It’s a powerful motivator to attend as many classes as I can. But there are no classes in my level offered on Saturdays (for example) or onย  some of the days/times that are more convenient for me. Short of totally changing my work schedule to accommodate yoga, I am forced to attend after work classes. I am much better and consistent at working out when I do it in the morning. Possibly with the meditation class I start tomorrow I will be forced to dedicate morning time to me, yoga, and my practice. (I hope. I need a kick in the ass.)

I love walking and have dropped a significant amount of weight solely doing that one form of exercise in the past. Sadly, there have been a rash of muggings and attacks in my neighborhood making me, the certified self-defense instructor, wary of going out on early morning walks. Especially because I wear my iPod when I work out. It just doesn’t seem smart.

I have slipped here and there with food. Refined sugar and white flour have slipped back in and the results have been rather…bitchy. It doesn’t happen daily but it’s happened more than I like or care to admit. I know those foods make me feel like crap and eat more food than I need to eat and yet I PUT IT IN MY MOUTH.

Sheesh. Get some willpower, Sizz.

Oh and I haven’t been to the pool in months.And I have a coupon for a dance/martial arts class but haven’t found the time to fit it in. Can someone get me 4 more hours in a day?And a personal trainer?

Scheduling is definitely a conflict. At least with exercise like running, you can plug it in here or there because it’s mainly a solo activity. With exercise classes, you have to modify your lifestyle to accommodate them. Despite timing conflicts the bigger issues is I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for losing weight and it’s replaced with guilt and shame. Those are not powerful motivators. I need something to click back into place for me because going backwards is not an option. Trying to fit in yoga, therapy, work, social life, errands, etc. – there still doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. And yet, that’s an excuse because we make time for what is important to us.

So what is it I truly want?

  • To feel good in my body.
  • To feel lighter in my body.
  • To feel strong in my body.
  • To feel energized.
  • To be healthy.
  • To have more options for cute clothes. (Materialistic of me but true!)
  • To feel less frantic and go-go-go all the time.
  • To feel proud of myself.

It’s time to rewrite the master plan and get to it.


What do you do when you need to reconnect to your health and fitness goals?


32 thoughts on “Push Comes To Shove

  1. Thinking about it this strongly is usually a start. Eventually I get sick of my own inaction and do something about it. Also, at least from an exercise point of view, I focus on small achievements. If I reallly don’t want to go to the gym I can agree with myself that I only have to spend a short amount of time there. Once I’m there I usually end up spending longer anyway.

  2. I like to take baby steps — maybe try to eat healthy one day, and one day only. Or get myself to a class or out on a long walk or short run. And then I congratulate myself for doing that one thing. That makes me feel good and want to do more.

    Baby steps.

  3. No words of advice but I relate to every single thing you said there. And the clothes thing isnt’ bad — I feel the same way — because half of feeling bad about my body comes from not being able to fit into half my damn wardrobe anymore.

  4. I have to have a partner (anyone) to motivate me. My husband and I started working out again together, and it’s been a huge help. Sadly I broke my ankle 2 weeks ago so I’m out for a bit, but I still go with him and cheer him on while I read a book. Being accountable is key for me. Regularity helps me too. We go every Tues and Thurs at 8pm. Weekend times are more flexible since we often have plans to work around, but we still go.

  5. I’m just coming out of that same funk (I swear our weight loss/healthier living journeys are so similar). It took a 3.0 lb gain on my weekly weigh-in to kick my ass and make me realize that I had to change what I was doing. I forced myself to workout. I told someone else so that I’d be held accountable when they asked me how my workout went. I promised myself not to go home until I spent valuable time on the treadmill. Start small. You didn’t get to where you were, or where you are now, overnight. I would suggest finding ways to give yourself non-food rewards, a special treat, something you wouldn’t normally do. Right now I’m doing a monthly rewards system. If I work out 12 times in one month, I’m buying a piece of clothing. If I work out 16 times, it’s a pedi. If I work out 20 times, it’s a massage. I know you’ve got a plan that you’re working from, but I also recommend reading “The Good Mood Diet” to help augment your food choices. You can do this!

  6. When I fall off the exercise wagon, and believe me I do, I take small steps to get back into it. Finding ways to incorporate it into my daily life has helped since I don’t backslide as much. Doing stuff like taking stairs two at a time or a short sequence of stretches while watching tv.

    As for not your level yoga on Saturdays, if they have easier classes, you could always go to those paying attention to fine details, taking poses deeper… make it more advanced for yourself. Or maybe try some yoga dvds from the library at home until you find one you like?

    Focus on your choices now and try again. Good luck, Sizz! You can do it!

  7. I suggest Weight Watchers. I think you will be suprised at how well you can do with that, without so many restrictions (like cutting the sugar and white flour)

  8. This is what works *for me*. Don’t have sugar in the house. And commit to working out with my trainer.

    I also sometimes do yoga or water aerobics. It is about making things a priority. If the times don’t work for yoga, maybe find another studio? I know you like yours, but others might have better times. Maybe do mornings at one place and weekends at another. In any given month, I might go to 3 different studios, depending on when I am available.


  9. I was gonna say the same thing!!!! Try weight waychers. You can’t make it to the meetings? Do it online. The forums are great, people share tons of info and the good thing is you don’t need to be on a strict diet.
    You’re afraid of walking? Try the ‘walk at home’ videos if you find a good space at home where you can excersice. The key, I think, is to not feel defeated by food or lack of excersice. I wish I could lose the weight just by looking at how people excersice, but that’s not possible. I try to find motivation in simple things or small goals. I want to see a movie but I need to weight 5lbs less of what I am today so I force myself to go to the gym. I wanted a new CD- it was a reward for losing 2 lbs.
    I still ate pasta, pizza, bread… But knowing the amount and all the points…
    Also, WW is so easy on the iPhone. May be you tried it and it ddnt work before. Check it out again and you’ll see that instead of a diet you could make it into a lifestyle of healthy living ๐Ÿ™‚ even if one day you ‘slip’ and eat 5 doughnuts with a venti vanilla latte ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. First off I have to say from the pics I have seen your a nice looking woman.

    As far as exercise.. I started running 15 weeks ago. Been the best thing ever. I actually had to take a week off with fever, chills and a chest cold… and have been getting back to it slowly but I love it.

    My keys to success are.. 1. Have a plan with goals that you can measure. Not necessarily everything you want to accomplish but reasonable goals. Lots of people start out and are like “5AM EVERY MORNING WOOT!” and wonder why they never succeed. I used this plan with it’s weekly goals: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml. I then moved on once I graduated to another program.

    Second key is make it a priority. For me as SOON as I get home Mon-Wed-Fri I throw on my shorts, grab an apple, eat it, and go running. Period. Nothing detracts from that. No excuses. Some people work better in the mornings or what not. This way works for me.

    Good luck to ya and like I said to start with your a pretty lady. Do not get down on yourself.

  11. I’m trying to see the whole realization and admission that I’m off track, and then the efforts to get back on track (even the tiny ones), as part of the health and fitness process for myself. My weight and health will always be my struggle — it’s with me for life — so I tell myself not to be surprised when the struggle part comes up again. And again. In the way that falling off the board is still a part of surfing. Not always, but sometimes that eliminates some of the guilt and shame and makes it more of an, “Oh, yes. I’ve seen these signs before. Time to recalibrate.” And because I know it’s my struggle for life, I know I’m not looking for the finish line; I’m just keeping my eyes open for signs that I’m either on the marked path or wandering off somewhere where I don’t need to be.

  12. I apparently wait for my doctor to tell me that I have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Hearing both of those things put enough fear in me to prioritize things differently. The simple sentence – if you don’t get this under control, we will need to start you on medication, scared the crap out of me. While I still struggle daily, the thought of screwing with my body to the point of needing meds for things that often can be controlled through the foods I eat and exercise was my wake up call. I am happy to report, no medications needed after 3 months of really working at it. The past week plus has not been good, but I just revisit the conversation with my doc and get myself right back on track. I’ve also given up on dieting. The minute I proclaim to be watching carbs, calories, fats, etc. I sabotage myself.

  13. I guess my thing is that I just don’t think about it much. I know what I need to do – eat less, exercise more – so I just do it. The more I think about it, the harder it seems and the more excuses I make. I set my alarm for 5am every morning. When it goes off, I don’t think about how nice the bed is, I just get up and get going. Plus, my theory is that the bad people are finally in bed at 5am so I feel safer running early in the morning. As for food, I take it a meal at a time. I know if I want to feel good, I have to eat healthy food. Each meal is a new choice. If I let myself get too hungry or think too much about how the cheesy bread is going to taste, then I’m gone.

  14. I have found that being committed to a class does not work for me at all. I feel like I am forced to be somewhere I don’t want to be. But at the same time, I do schedule running in to my calendar like it is a class… it commits me to it. And I get to choose where I do it.

    I do struggle though, to stay committed to the healty eating thing. I would just rather eat candy than work on annoying assignments, etc. I try to distract myself in those situations… by reading blogs and other things. I know that is not the best way to cope, but it sometimes works for me.

    Good luck getting back in to the groove!

    Would having a site ticker help motivate you? I put those on my blog to countdown to events and to track miles run. I am not saying to put one up for pounds lost, but maybe one that you can add every yoga class to? You could make a goal for yoga classes to attend by the tne of the year and see if you make it. Then after each class, you get to update the ticker. Pretty fun! (imo)

  15. Gah, Sizzle, sometimes I am convinced we are the same person (or at least that you’re my older, wise and definitely more stylish sister) but I totally GET THIS. I was really kicking ass on a cleanse, but now I’m not. I work out with my trainer, but I know I need to get back to other aspects of self-care: going to bed early, yoga, etc. and it’s so damn difficult. I feel you. And I’m rooting for you.

  16. Do you make most of your own food? I’m terrible when it comes to completely eliminating any one thing from my diet, but I am good at portion control and using only the finest ingredients when I eat home-cooked food. Also, can you substitute healthier sugars like brown rice syrup, agave, or sucanat? Another thing that has helped me is eating a big lunch and a lighter dinner.
    As for exercise, that’s a bummer about the muggings because walking/running is the easiest way. Can you go somewhere else to do your walking (like a park, around your work neighborhood, the arboretum, etc.)? And maybe you should check out another yoga studio that offers classes at times that would be good for you.

  17. I just dont stop. I lost 70 lbs it took about 2 years to do, and i havnt lost anything and kept it off in the last 3 yrs. I lose, i gain i lose i gain. but in the end, ive kept off that 70 lbs, because despite not losing weight, i keep working out and trying to make better choices.

    i felt really shitty about not dropping weight the last annual dr visit and she was so happy that i have still kept off that 70 lbs, and made me feel better, that most people gain it right back in a year.

    as long as you dont give up youve never lost! and even if your body isnt changing on the outside, it sure is on the inside!

    sugar and carbs are my devil too. when i give them up for a week i feel so absolutely amazing, my whole body changes, i am not puffy, my rings are loose, and i dont feel tired and sluggish, so i cant figure out why i keep going back.

    other than they are quite delicious!

  18. I am nursing a brutal hang over from my bed today. Reading this post made me want to get up and go for a run. Sadly, my headache will not allow it. I know you will turn this non movement phase around. I stopped buying the foods I can’t eat. A major step in the right direction for my food issues. I tell myself every morning that today will be my best run yet. I know you can reach your goals.

  19. I’m pretty happy with where I am, fitness-wise, but with winter coming, running may be out. I’ll need to find something else.

    I love how far you’ve come, friend, and how you’re listening to your body.

    You are beautiful. Tell your mirror to shut up. ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. I actually felt super stuck trying to walk or run around my neighborhood for the safety/too crowded issue, and when I took myself just a little bit away from my home-base, and started trail running, I instantly felt like I overcame some sort of mental (and definitely physical) block. I still need to get some pepper spray (I lost mine, I think), but ultimately it feels awesome to be outside and not worried about cars and crazies.

    Hang in there, babe, and keep thinking/talking/planning. You’re totally going to get there; I know it.

  21. Please, please, please buy the book “The Happiness Trap.” I promise it helps with the negative self-talk. I PROMISE.

    For me, running is the only thing that has ever worked. It requires no special gear, no teachers, and I can schedule it at my convenience (yes, I have run at 10 pm at night before and at 4:30 am) and I can do it virtually year-round. (I missed about a week last year due to ice. Other than that, I ran through the heat and cold.)

    But for me, running is not enough. I have to eat right too. And I finally conquered that obstacle/demon this year when I decided I cared more about my health than my comfort and convenience and emotional food cravings. I watched my mom die and both my sisters almost die and diet and lifestyle was at the center of all their health issues. It’s weird, but it finally “clicked” and making the right choices is what I now desire. No more war in my head.

    Don’t give up. It’s one day at a time. Hugs.

  22. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but alas, one day I just got fed up with being tired all the time and said, “Dammit. Enough!” Goals help, but I had to be in a mental place to really WANT those goals.
    “And yet, thatโ€™s an excuse because we make time for what is important to us.”
    …perhaps, but… I think for women like you and I, it is really hard for us to put things for ourselves in the “important” category. It has taken years upon years for me to start putting myself first. And I say start, because it’s still a battle.

  23. I wish I had something super-constructive to offer up to you about too much sugar, too little exercise, and too much trouble staying on track with exercise. I do absolutely everything that you mention in this post. I have good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. In my experience, just being willing to keep getting focused on my goals, again, is all I can do, so I try to not let my life get too much out of control during my “off” times.

    What I really came on here to say though, is something that has run through my mind several times in reading recent posts of yours. A dear friend of mine for years, a Gestalt therapist, has a favorite saying: stuck is paydirt. I still have to work sometimes to wrap my head around that one, but I think it’s true. When you are feeling THIS stuck, this aware, and this pained about your shortcomings, you are in the best place in the world to find your way out.

    Don’t forget that you have worked very hard to get yourself where you are right now. This might feel like stuck, but maybe it’s better described as a particularly steep part of your journey. ๐Ÿ™‚ The great part, the part to celebrate really, is that you SEE the incline in front of you. You just gotta push really hard here to keep moving forward. Take it one step at a time, even if it’s a baby step.

    And that’s my long-winded 2 cents.

  24. I used to be a person who exercised every single day and loved it. After this last surgery they must have hit something in my brain that changed that because although all I am even trying to do right now is stretch, I can’t even fit that in some days. It is definitely a mental thing and I think because I feel stressed and busy I put that into the category of “extra” and skip it even when it would be the best thing for me when I feel stressed.

    If someone could give me a few more hours in the day I would love it. Although I’d probably waste it by sleeping right now anyway.

  25. With regard to yoga, can you just change levels? If it’s more difficult, you get a challenge; if it’s less difficult, it’s at least still exercise.

  26. I think that workout friends are the very best motivator. When I’ve trained for races in the past, it has always felt easier when I’ve had someone to do it with. You hold each other accountable.

    I totally get the class thing and how that makes it even harder to fit in workouts – I would be a total stress case if I were trying to make it to specific classes (although I do want to get back into yoga classes after I move.) It may sound silly, but what about workout DVDs? I have a collection at home and it’s so nice to be able to pop one in when it’s convenient for me – not for an instructor.

    I went running for the first time in weeks recently and the other motivator I rediscovered was the endorphin-good feeling one. Maybe trying to pay close attention to how good you feel after a workout will make you want to achieve that feeling again. It sort of worked for me (but the blasted rain has kept me inside this week).

  27. I’m feeling the same way about exercising these days. Work has taken over my life and I have no time for anything else, or so it seems. The only free time I do have I rather spend either sleeping or in bed watching TV… not high calories burning activities. The result is I’ve gained a few pounds. Also, I’m eating like crap. I get home too tired to cook and too famished to wait. So, I discovered frozen dinners, and even though they are lean cuisine, they’re still mainly pasta based: not good. I want to go to yoga, but like you, it would have to happens after work and, ouch, I rather just go home. I try to jog on the weekends, but again sometimes work and sleep win over, and if I don’t get it done in the morning before I shower, it just doesn’t happen. Motivation, that’s the key. To have a clear goal and aim toward it, that’s what I need, that usually works for me. Maybe we can set some goals together and help each other out? I know I need all the support I can get in this department.

  28. That’s terrible that you feel you can’t go out into your neighbourhood in the early mornings.
    I’ve often felt that early mornings are the safest time because I have this (naive?) view that the bad people stay up late, but then go to bed around 4 and then don’t wake up for a long time!

    Like what Modern Gal wrote about baby steps. Think that’s a great idea, maybe to do one healthy thing one day, feel good about it and be inspired to do more.
    Also, inspiring what another commenter wrote about exercising more, doing less & just doing it. Will try to remember that!
    Great post, love the issues you throw up and the responses are always interesting too.

  29. Pingback: Starting it off on a good foot | My 33 People

  30. I’m nodding and agreeing with all your points here. I started off so well and then fell into a dieting funk and couldn’t get my way out of it. I’m also not looking forward to walking to work and back when it is dark outside but I will grin and bear it because health matters

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