I rang in 2011 looking at the same view as I did last year when 2010 struck. This:
My, what a year brings.
It is well known by now that 2010 brought me, after long last, my person. Finding love allowed me to fully embody my 2010 intention of letting go. What I’ve learned deeper than I ever thought possible is that in truly loving someone there are a multiplicity of ways that one must release. Over, and over, and over again.
I think of it this way: my yoga teacher often instructs us to soften. We’re holding a pose, stretching out our limbs, internally focusing on being present in our bodies (while hoping that we don’t fall over). We’re supposed to look for ways in which we can soften ourselves- not go limp in body but ease up in spirit. Can we breathe into the places that are rigid, soften there, and from that place expand evermore?
Yes. Yes we can.
This is how I live now- softening to expand. Focusing on the practice, not the perfection.
I spent some time in quiet contemplation on New Year’s Eve. While I stared at the crashing waves and watched the birds take flight, I thought about the year and felt so grateful- for the big moments of accomplishment, the small moments of tenderness, the tears, the smiles, the big belly laughs, the walls that crumbled more, the fights, the deep conversations, the connecting, the growth. The more I have let go, the more rich my life feels. The more I soften, the greater I expand. Besides finding my person in Mr. Darcy, yoga and meditation have been the greatest gifts 2010 brought me. In each of them I discover new pieces of myself like unearthed diamonds in the rough of my heart. I said good-bye to 2010 and thanked it for the grace it brought me.
With each ending, a beginning.
So what do I want to bring to 2011? It’s simple really: Light.
The word “light” kept coming to me in my journaling and in my meditation. And so I listened. (I’m getting better at that.) What does the intention of being light mean to me? It means I want to cultivate being light both emotionally and physically. I want to carry less- regret, sadness, negativity, drama, unworthiness, and weight. I want to be light in both brightness and in heft. I don’t want to let old habits or fear or negativity hold me back from being my truest self. I want to embody grace.
In a word, I want to shine.
This is not about diet, denial or berating. This is not about seeking perfection or final answers. This is solely about tapping into my spirit and finally letting my inner and outer selves become one. Wholeness or as Zen sages call it, satori. I have spent the last five years with an intentional focus for that year- from acceptance to gumption to putting myself first to letting go. Each of these was a stepping stone to today. It’s been quite a journey and I’m excited to see how the next year unfolds. I’m welcoming it with bravery, openness and anticipation.