I’m Gonna Let It Shine

I rang in 2011 looking at the same view as I did last year when 2010 struck. This:

My, what a year brings.

It is well known by now that 2010 brought me, after long last, my person. Finding love allowed me to fully embody my 2010 intention of letting go. What I’ve learned deeper than I ever thought possible is that in truly loving someone there are a multiplicity of ways that one must release. Over, and over, and over again.

I think of it this way: my yoga teacher often instructs us to soften. We’re holding a pose, stretching out our limbs, internally focusing on being present in our bodies (while hoping that we don’t fall over). We’re supposed to look for ways in which we can soften ourselves- not go limp in body but ease up in spirit. Can we breathe into the places that are rigid, soften there, and from that place expand evermore?

Yes. Yes we can.

This is how I live now- softening to expand. Focusing on the practice, not the perfection.

I spent some time in quiet contemplation on New Year’s Eve. While I stared at the crashing waves and watched the birds take flight, I thought about the year and felt so grateful- for the big moments of accomplishment, the small moments of tenderness, the tears, the smiles, the big belly laughs, the walls that crumbled more, the fights, the deep conversations, the connecting, the growth. The more I have let go, the more rich my life feels. The more I soften, the greater I expand. Besides finding my person in Mr. Darcy, yoga and meditation  have been the greatest gifts 2010 brought me. In each of them I discover new pieces of myself like unearthed diamonds in the rough of my heart.  I said good-bye to 2010 and thanked it for the grace it brought me.

With each ending, a beginning.

So what do I want to bring to 2011? It’s simple really: Light.

The word “light” kept coming to me in my journaling and in my meditation. And so I listened. (I’m getting better at that.) What does the intention of being light mean to me? It means I want to cultivate being light both emotionally and physically. I want to carry less- regret, sadness, negativity, drama, unworthiness, and weight. I want to be light in both brightness and in heft. I don’t want to let old habits or fear or negativity hold me back from being my truest self. I want to embody grace.

In a word, I want to shine.

This is not about diet, denial or berating. This is not about seeking perfection or final answers. This is solely about tapping into my spirit and finally letting my inner and outer selves become one. Wholeness or as Zen sages call it, satori. I have spent the last five years with an intentional focus for that year- from acceptance to gumption to putting myself first to letting go. Each of these was a stepping stone to today. It’s been quite a journey and I’m excited to see how the next year unfolds. I’m welcoming it with bravery, openness and anticipation.

Shine on.

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18 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Let It Shine

  1. Your post reminded me of this:

    “Ring the bells that still can ring
    Forget your perfect offering
    There is a crack, a crack in everything
    That’s how the light gets in.
    That’s how the light gets in.
    That’s how the light gets in.”

    Leonard Cohen

    Yes. Go 2011. Go you.

  2. Holy crap, I thought of the same song LesleyG did and was just coming to post it. (LesleyG is my new BFF, obvi.) Sizz, you are amazing and I have no doubt in my heart that 2011 is going to be your best year yet. You inspire me all the time with your earnest desire to learn, to push further, to keep learning, growing, loving, and the whole time, you do so with grace. You make the whole living life thing look GOOD. You are gorgeous and that you came into my life last year was easily one of the best parts of 2010 for me. Here’s to a shiny 2011 and a shinier Sizzle. ❤

  3. Yes!

    “Bright!” is one of the words I would use to describe you to someone who had never met you. (Both bright in mind and in spirit.)

    And I love that Lesley just quoted Leonard Cohen, thus giving me an excuse to be listening to that song right this second.

    Here’s to a 2011 full of light!

  4. Beauty. Love this post. The ideas of light and shining have been in the back (and sometimes at the front) of my mind these last couple of years. Even my “uplift” songs relate to light and shine (David Gray is one).

  5. This post and your instructor reminds me of how Jules is always telling me that surfing is about letting go of resistance over and over and over again. Very lovely post indeed.

    P.S. I’ve missed commenting! I hope I’m back for good 🙂

  6. That’s beautiful. LIGHT– it is a good, and positive word to embrace and let flow in your life. 🙂 I pray that this year is a wonderful one, for you.

    My word? It is something along the lines of Light, it is Faith. Hope. Trusting in things unseen, and trusting that God has already been there to prepare a way? Yeah, faith.

  7. Sizz, you gave me goosebumps. This is beautiful and poignant. And I love this quote “The more I soften, the greater I expand.”

    I need to remember that. Thank you for sharing.

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