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My cats are acting like assholes.

Dash is the one on the left. Dot is the one on right.

I am assuming this is because they are hungry and pissed off that we’ve changed their food. We have tried just about every grain free wet food available in the hopes that they will drop some weight. We’ve dumped a lot of money into this experiment and we’ve had more misses than hits. This is what happens when your cats get hefty on “junk food”. Let this be a cautionary tale.

There are a lot of conflicting recommendations for how to feed your cat. Some swear by dry food only. Some swear by wet food only. Some do a combo. Some can leave out dry food all day and their cat will self-regulate. We cannot do that because Dash is fresh off an intervention from over-eaters anonymous (oops, guess he’s not that anonymous anymore- sorry Chubs!). Dash will eat and eat and eat dry food. He is a carb-a-holic. While his sister, Dot, who is currently suffering from the runs (poor dear!) (please don’t wipe your bum on our rugs!) is a dainty eater and only needs to lose a pound or two.Plus she has to endure a big brother who will bump her aside at the first opportunity to gorge on her food. It’s a hard knocks life for her.

I’m at the point where I am desperate for a compromise because we’re all so miserable. The cats are all up in our grill complaining, hissing at each other, snubbing their noses at most offerings of food. I don’t want them to be hungry but I also can’t allow them to be so hefty because it’s unhealthy.The cans tend to say, feed 1 oz of wet food per 1 lb of cat. Dash is/was 20 lbs. THAT IS A LOT OF WET FOOD. I don’t think he can consume that much. The vet said feed one can of wet food in the morning and at night with no dry for Dash and some dry for Dot. Which means we have to stand vigil over them while they eat to ensure Chubs (Dash) doesn’t barrel over and eat all of Dot’s. 90% of the time Dot takes a bite and walks away.

Why must they be such jerks? EAT THE FOOD!

I don’t think  I should have kids. This is all too stressful.

23 thoughts on “Cat-tastrophe

  1. Miss Lala gets a half a cup of dry food morning and night and she is still fat. I think it is because she is an indoor only kitty. I have started exercising her more. Which seems to be helping but she is still 15 lb. ;( Miss Lala also has been getting anxiety drops on her food lately which are working. Although, she still cries for her food at 7:30am.

  2. Oh, man, I am so unscientific about feeding practices. My kitters self-regulate on the dry food, so that’s nice, but wet food is tougher. They were wild for it for a while, and then one started puking it up, and the other started getting somewhat portly. We haven’t given them wet food for a few days, and everyone seems fine. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just try to make sure they aren’t so pissed off that they… erm… piss ON.

  3. I have no advice, either. Both our kitties self-regulate. I think this might be the first photo that I’ve seen of yours together – they are the cutest. 🙂

  4. I have two cats, one of whom is only moderately interested in food and eats enough to maintain. My other cat would like to eat all the food. So, I started feeding her on a table and I watch the other cat to make sure he doesn’t jump up there and eat her food. But it is difficult. I feed them wet twice a day, and dry food is out all the time. I buy expensive dry food that has little or no grains, and that seems to help.

    Could be worse though. I have a friend with six cats and she feeds each one of them separately.

  5. Thank God Eli self-regulates. And he also goes outside, so he gets plenty of exercise.
    But I really keep thinking that the wet food is not helping. What if you just removed the wet food completely?
    Sorry, friend!

  6. I have a similar problem. I have two cats. Bella is a sleek 9 – 10 pounds. Dante is a somewhat chunky 15+ pounds. Bella can self-regulate. Dante can’t. Dante can eat wet food. Bella pukes it up. When I portion out their food, Dante inhales his and then eats whatever Bella left for later. Later Bella cries that she’s hungry because she’s a grazer, but Dante ate all her food. It’s hard to feed them separately because I also have a dog that would happily eat all the cat food, and possibly the cats.

    Aren’t pets fun?

  7. Oh, I so feel you on this. Iggy is a punk when it comes to his food, too. One of the reasons he’s one of the few pugs I’ve seen who ISN’T overweight is because he just doesn’t eat. And he’s totally fine, but if he’s only getting dry food (which is what he SHOULD be eating, 95% of the time) then he’s all, “Meh. I’ll wait until I’m totally starving, at 11pm maybe, and then I’ll eat it. Maybe.” Every once in awhile I slip in some good for him treats, and every once in awhile I mix in some wet food (which is like I’ve just given him crack cocaine), and if he’s being REALLY awesome he gets a bit of peanut butter, and I might as well just sent him straight to doggy heaven.

    But this is also the same dog who acts like I’ve baked him a cake when I slip him a piece of dry lettuce. Weirdo.

  8. Oh, kitties. This has been a headache around my house recently. Beatrice had to be on wet food for 2 weeks after her dental surgery, and since her sister is something of a bully, I suspect she was pushed away from her food more often than not and she lost a whole bunch of weight really fast. 😦
    Bastet (her sister) is fat and should be on a reduced diet, but already I have both on dry kibble AND try to feed Beatrice wet food as a supplement separately, in my room with the door shut so she doesn’t get disturbed. Any more complications to this feeding arrangement is simply NOT PLAUSIBLE as long as I am working out of the home!

  9. I find my dog more stressful than my kids EVER were to me.

    Also? yesterday I texted my friend about my “fucking dog”. Turns out I clicked the wrong person and sent it to my son. He laughed but then pretend yelled at me because that word isn’t nice. He did agree that she was acting bad enough to deserve it though. She ate a bunch of crap and made me scared she was going to die. She’s fine now, I didn’t call her that until after she was fine and almost did it again. Then I got mad at her. Pets are stressful because we love them so much and can’t really force them to do much of anything if they don’t want to.

  10. Ivy & Miguel went from adorable 15oz kittens to huge – 16 and 21 pounds – cats in just 3 years. They are totally indoor cats, and eat only dry food. We had been leaving two bowlfuls of food out all day -with obviously unhealthy results. The solution was to feed them a moderate amount, twice a day, and put Ivy’s bowl in the bathroom, door closed, so Miguel couldn’t nudge her aside and finish both portions. It worked! Ivy is now at 10 1/2 pounds and Miguel is just under 13 pounds – happy and playful and healthy! Good luck!

  11. Ha ha ha. Laughing at how you told the story, not the situation. Data has been on a “fed 2x a day diet” for years and he is always whining for food, but has been at his correct weight for years. I think my cat and I have the same problem but no one is restricing my food consumption. No wonder he is pissed!

  12. One of my dogs wants to self-regulate but the other dog is half-beagle half-pug (read: wants to eat all the food all the time.) This combo has resulted in 1 dog gulping down her meal without chewing while staring down the self-regulator who is afraid to leave his dish before finishing his meal because he knows it will be swiped as soon as he does. We deal with a lot of puppy vomit. The gulper barfs because she doesn’t chew and the self-regulator barfs because he ate until he was too full. They drive me batty. I have no advice, really. Just sympathy.

  13. Dash and Dot… love it. Cute kitties.

    I know this finicky stage all too well.

    Our 17 year old male cat is having age issues and can be quite the asshole at 4am when he thinks he’s hungry. Then he eats a bite or two (wet food) and walks away.

    We’ve found for him, all we need to do is still the food again and he goes back and chows it all down. So far, that mostly works most of the time.

  14. My cats are a lot like yours. Monty weighs 20 pounds and Zoe weighs 8. He nudges her out of the way and always polishes off more than she does. I think he’s a bit of a lost cause…although I recently switched them to Avoderm weight control food and I think he looks a big more svelte. If you figure out the best way to balance out the consumption without having to babysit them every moment, let me know!

  15. While I’m not sure of the cats’ history, I’m kind of shocked your vet is recommending wet food only. Could you schedule feed with dry food? I do know that in most two-cat households, this does tend to happen. One cat is generally more of an “eater” than the other. I commend you for trying to take good care of them, though. It’s no simple task!

  16. I have a cat who lives to eat (he and I are much alike) and one who eats to live (I have a hard time relating to her). I worry that the boy will gain too much weight, so I try to chase him around the house as much as possible (he loves chase….he also fetches [he has dog-tendencies]). Fortunately, I live alone and people can’t tell that I’m a crazy cat lady. Aw, he just brought in his ball for chase…gotta run and burn some kitty calories! :o)

  17. We have that same problem with our outside cats. Some are bigger…way bigger than the others. I think this is because they were born from different litters. But there is this one white cat who gorges himself on dry food and them vomits on the front porch.

    We have quite a few outside cats and they get 2 cans of wet food between all of them in the morning and they have dry food available all the time. But that one white cat thinks he needs to eat all the dry food at once…

  18. Our cats were the same way! Well kinda. Cinnamon was already pushing Midnight out of the way so she could eat first and get the “best” parts. And she only wanted wet food and then after she had tooth surgery could only eat wet food. Midnight only likes dry food and will snub everything else.

    And then I had Buddy who just want to eat everything, bowls included.

    Meal time was kind of nuts at my house.

  19. i have four cats. if i had to feed them any other way than dumping a bag of food in the self feeder, id shoot myself. I dont know what makes cats overeat…but they do have therapists for them you know. i bet its an awesome way to spend a weeks pay!

  20. My mother’s a vet-nurse so she’s educated us well on what to feed our pets. Cats are definitely better on dry food. When they’re kittens they have wet but when they get older they should really go onto dry. My mother’s older cats had to go onto wet cos of stomach problems but the others are all on dry. One of them is a greedy bugger and she will do as you say Dash does – push the others cats out to gorge herself. Unfortunately all you can do is stand guard to make sure he doesn’t do it 😉

  21. I’ve been meaning to tell you that when I read this in my reader (in bed, probably at 2 or 3 am, on my iPhone, like I read all the rad blogs :>) it got a good laugh out of me. How can those beauties be assholes? I love your cats 🙂

  22. Oh, the wonderful trials of being a cat owner. They are super picky eater, but you also have to clean up their poop or worry all the time. It’s times like these, when we’re catering to their every whim, I wonder who is the master of whom.

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