3 B’s Trifecta

How do I say this?

I’ve lost my yoga mojo.

Maybe it’s just me being in pre-event mode, totally busy, stressed out to the max, and wanting any free time I find for myself (and a glass of wine) to be about being at home.

Maybe it’s the fact that during last Sunday’s yoga class I felt dizzy for most of it. That dizziness coupled with the new focus pose for the next two months totally disheartened me.

Not only are we back to hand stands but we’re alternating that with this:

 

Thank you Yoguini for this photo. And to Katherine who makes this pose look easy.

 

In Sanskrit this pose is called Ardha Bhujapidasana. I like to call it, No Wayasana. Do you see that her leg is held up near her shoulder?

Before we even tried to get into this pose we did Tolasana or Scale Pose:

 

Thanks to About.com for this image.

 

I could not lift my ass off the ground to swing it from front to back. That was defeat number 2. Defeat number 1 was feeling faint every time I did a forward bend. (Yes, I ate breakfast! I don’t know why I was so woozy.)

Once I felt the failure of that pose, I think my mindset was pretty fucked for the rest of class. I don’t know if it is that I don’t have enough arm strength or core strength or both or if it’s the fact that I am bigger than your average yogi. I have a belly and big boobs and they get in my way when I try to get into some of these poses. I am very flexible and bendy but that doesn’t really matter when you have a chunk of chub and a mass of boob occupying the space you need to fold yourself into.

Body slamming aside, I was terrified of this pose. A different kind of terror than the one that overtakes me when I attempt to kick into handstand (I do not like being upside down!). I know that my mind was a big part of the problem. It was the 3 B’s trifecta: Boobs, Belly, Brain, that really did me in.

I even have trouble with this twist pose:

 

You can imagine that a belly might be inconvenient when trying to twist like this.

I can twist. I can even hold Chair Pose pretty steady and long. But adding a twist to the Chair Pose and I’m wavering. Mostly because of the 3 B’s Trifecta.

 

All this is to say, I haven’t wanted to return to class. The class my favorite teacher leads! Because I am afraid that I will leave there feeling like a failure like I did on Sunday. Because in my mind there is NO WAY I will be able to master that pose at this point in my practice. It feels too advanced. I feel too heavy. I don’t feel strong enough – despite working out 3-5x per week.

I am going to try to take two yoga classes this week with other instructors and see if I can regain my yogi equilibrium. If I can light that yoga spark inside of me again. I’m not a quitter but I also hate failing. Sigh. My teacher says that a true yogi laughs when they fall out of a pose because it’s not supposed to be a super serious thing. That there is an element of lightness to the yoga practice. She also says that when she can’t get into a pose, she walks away wondering the deeper reason why. Where is the resistance? That’s the question I am pondering presently.

Where and why am I resistant? Is it body limitations or my mind?

 

 

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25 thoughts on “3 B’s Trifecta

  1. I recently started doing a basic yoga DVD, and I find even the basic poses really challenging! And I do think being overweight makes it harder to turn your body into certain poses; I can barely get a deep breath in some of the poses.

    I think your plan to try two classes this week is a good one. Even if you can’t do all the poses perfectly, I’m sure you are able to do a lot more than most people. And I know from your posts how centering you have found yoga.

  2. Can I tell you how much I hate the chair twist? And it’s for the exact same reasons as you. HATE HATE HATE. I seem to let it ruin an otherwise great class because I feel so defeated that pose. I need to get over myself.

  3. Miss Sizzle, I know you’ve practiced yoga enough to know it’s not about the end result — it’s about the process and the practice. You work with your body where it is at the moment of your practice. Not where you were last week or where you think you should be. You listen to your body’s cues and do what you can, pushing yourself a little bit here and there where you can.

    Which is to say, there IS NO FAILURE in yoga. It’s impossible to fail! Just attempting a pose means you’re doing it right.

  4. I admire you for even trying to stick with yoga. I have tried in the past and just can’t really like it much. I got to the point where I was really flexible, really strong, and then my balance issues messed me up anyway. I think you are doing awesome by just sticking with it and continuing to try even when it is hard. That is more than I could do. I think whatever you can do is good enough already so whatever you are aiming for is just extra.

  5. Good on you for trying to stick with yoga. Whenever I have an event at work, exercise and good eating habits are the first things to go. Maybe you just had an off day and as long as you’re still working at it, you are still succeeding.

  6. I start my first yoga class tomorrow, finally. Your post suggests the very core reason of my fear of going. The yoga class I took before was yoga for fitness, so it was more of a workout and less of trying to get into impossible poses. I fear that my weight (boobs, thighs, stomach) are going to make it very difficult for me, and that it is going to hurt my self-esteem instead of strengthen it. I can only hope for the best, I suppose!

    Do you know what the “deeper reasoning” is? I can totally understand the feeling of wanting to have your limited free time to yourself. When you are so super busy, any other thing that takes that free time away turns into more of a chore than anything. And I think something was in our PNW air on Sunday, because my household, and everyone up here I’ve talked to, had a weird-everything-went-wrong sort of day on Sunday. So maybe that contributed, too?!

  7. The three B’s – and maybe some inner ear stuff causing all that wooziness. Lord have mercy Sizzle you are hard on yourself. EEESSH! I can’t even criss cross apple sauce my damn legs, honey and you’re feeling bad because you can’t hold yourself up in the air with the criss cross apple sauce thing going on. How about if you take a week off? See, that’s my answer to everything… my kids bugging me to no end – I’ll just take a week off from parenting. My husband being needy and pathetic – I’ll just not be married for a week. Tired of grocery shopping every weekend – everybody goes hungry for week. Just kidding, everybody. But still, maybe there’s a good reason your yoga mojo is waning. Can you give yourself a little space to be ok with how you’re feeling?

  8. I have had yoga classes where I was dizzy, light-headed, etc. for no obvious reason, either. As I’ve gotten older, even deeply stretching tight muscles has even made me a little dizzy (sort of like when you stand up too fast). I think it’s totally normal and more than likely not going to repeat frequently. I know it’s hard to not let one practice determine your outlook, but try not to. Or even a tough week, for that matter. If you want to wait a week and go back, fine. In the scheme of everything, it doesn’t really *mean* anything. That is the great thing about yoga: it will wait for you. πŸ™‚

  9. Hmm. Meet yourself where you are as they say. I’m not struggling with your 3 B’s, but I seriously doubt I could do any of those poses right now. I lack the brawn and the flexibility. And my balance is kind of effed up of late. All which is to say, DUDE, not being able to do those poses does not in any way make you a failure. If it did, I’d be a failure too, and you don’t mean to call me a failure, do you?

    Also, yoga need not be arduous to be worthwhile. I only do about 18 minutes of yoga a day, and relatively easy yoga at that, but my body and mind are better for it. It’s helped me keep my sanity these past few weeks.

    Maybe take an easier level yoga class if they have one, boost your confidence a bit. You can still get as much out of it if you sink a bit deeper, stretch a bit further. Don’t give up!

  10. As someone who works out pretty regularly, I can tell you that you are doing AMAZING. I couldn’t do yoga to save my life. πŸ™‚

  11. i know what you mean! we had a sub last week, and she was much more difficult than our regular teacher. we never do headstands, and she included a headstand, as well as the side plank pose, which i’ve NEVER done. she was super fast, and at certain points, i was just sitting there at a loss, unable to do anything.

  12. It sounds to me like your mind is getting in the way more than your boobs. πŸ™‚ There is no question that our bodies can make it more difficult to get into poses, but I agree with The Modern Gal – it isn’t about what you can or cannot do. It’s about being there, being present, trying, listening to your body, quieting your mind, and breathing. The key is to keep at it. To be fair, I can’t do either of those poses, but I would try to do them and most certainly laugh at myself while doing so. But more importantly, I don’t take the things I can’t do in yoga personally or as failures. Somehow you have to separate that negativity out. And I promise it will translate far outside of yoga. xo

  13. Are there modified versions of the poses you can learn first? I would imagine if you mastered those then it will make you feel much better when working on the more difficult ones. Or at least it does with me whenever I do yoga.

  14. Just a thought on the dizziness…. are you holding your breath? I know when I am trying something difficult or feel nervous, I tend to forget to breathe, which would definitely cause dizziness. Also, you are strong and fierce sister…. don’t let this bring you down. Something, anything is better than nothing.

  15. As much as I love yoga, it seriously hurts my wrists sometimes! As for the wooziness, I’m asking the same as the above reader. I also (more often than not) forget to breathe while doing yoga.
    I also wouldn’t worry too much – those are ΓΌber tough poses there!!!!

  16. Sizzle I’m here to tell you that going through periods like this is totally normal. As a hardcore runner, the desire and motivation to run ebbs and flows. I felt the same as you, “Why am I resisting this! I love it!” and yet there it was. I think sometimes our bodies and mind just need a change and we should honor that. I know you love yoga, so maybe doing some at home in your own space during your own time might be what you need for a while. Or maybe another exercise during this really busy time would be more beneficial. It happens to us all though, I promise! πŸ™‚ Yogadownload.com has some great classes that you can download and do whenever.

  17. I’ve had the dizzy thing too. I attributed it to a larger than normal for me breakfast and then inversions. Blood doesn’t know where to GO! The three Bs are your’s. The pose is generic. You can do it or a variation to accomodate your body and strength as it is right now. Would you talk to your teacher before class so there is awareness of your concerns and modifications can be provided generically to the class (i.e. without calling individuals out). I would be shocked if you are the only one having trouble with these poses. They are TOUGH.

  18. Having never even attempted a yoga class (though we do some basic yoga in Bar classes, for stretching purposes), I don’t feel like I have a lot of knowledge or advice to offer, but I can tell you that you are one of the most determined and capable people I have ever met, and I whole-heartedly believe that if YOU believe you can do something you will do it, no matter what.

    All of that to say: Hang in there, babe. And know that you are strong and beautiful and worthy, and would be even if you couldn’t do a single yoga pose.

  19. we should take yoga together some time, because between the two of us we’d be GREAT! i have NO BENDY ABILITIES so i can’t do fully 1/2 of the poses. however, i have great upper body strength, so i can lift myself up.. but.. uh.. can’t even come REMOTELY close to getting my legs folded like that. le sigh.

  20. First of all, who the hell does yoga on a rock in the middle of a river? Is that what’s happening in that first picture because it sure looks like it.

    Second, your readers are right – turn your attention to what you CAN do. It’s not a competition. I would just work on accepting what you can do. Being okay with that.

    Third, I wish I had boobs that got in the way sometimes. Sigh.

  21. I think that scale pose was the one I was trying to think of a few weeks ago. I cannot lift my ass at all.

    Did you have a chance to check out a new class? I bet you are blocked mentally and maybe a bit physically. This is such a stressful time for you! You should be patting yourself on the back for even going at all.

    At my first hot yoga class two weeks ago, I was so inspired by the variety of body types. There were plenty of heavy women in there, and I just felt so happy… and I am not trying to say that to be rude or stupid. I just felt like I was practicing with all sorts of people, who were just there to figure themselves out, not to judge.

  22. Yes, to all of the comments posted before mine. Especially Tracy’s and Matilda’s.

    When I read the dizziness statement, my brain automatically jumped to pregnancy.

    You are smart, beautiful and worthy. You also have been blessed with an incredible physique, whether you can see that or not. [Thus sayeth the Rubenesque Chick from the Southeast.]

  23. Jesus, all of those poses look like something I could never do. Your practice is about 1,000 miles past where mine got. Still, I know you’re frustrated with your stall, and I hope your mojo comes back soon. I have a feeling it will – yoga is *in* you!

    By the by, my WWF went tits up, so I’m going to uninstall and reinstall. Stand by, please πŸ™‚

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