It’s been ages since I shared a tenant-related story. Partly because I have this fear that some of them have googled my email address and found the blog. Partly because people aren’t being incredibly stupid assholes (KNOCK ON WOOD).

I will tell you this though- remember when The Smell Lady was harassing the Japanese exchange student with daily accusations of smoking pot in his apartment? Well, he’s long gone (and so is she, thankfully) and yet there is still a distinct pot smell coming from across the hall. Turns out, it was his neighbor (the woman who watches our cats when we go out of town) who is the culprit. She straight up lied to Smell Lady’s face about it. I don’t blame her. I mean, what good would confessing do? Fuel her fire and no one in their right mind would EVER want more of her wrath.

Gee, I don’t miss her one bit.

Meanwhile we’ve had an on-going ant problem in multiple units located in the front section of the building. At first it was in 2 apartments, then it grew to 4, and now it’s 6 and counting- including our apartment. I hate ants. Let me emphatically reiterate my feelings: I HATE ANTS. They gross me out due to their high volume, persistence and rampant foraging. Despite being very clean people. Despite the 8 traps we have set along their trail. Despite me going all Pulp Fiction on their asses, they continue to come en mass in search of food.

Let me explain what “going all Pulp Fiction on their asses” means. It’s me  basically losing my shit in the kitchen as they are swarming about the floor and counter. Picture me standing there, eyes bugging out, red-faced and fuming, screaming “I WILL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!” as I spray them with Windex. That’s what it means.

It’s not my finest moment. I’m pretty sure it scares the cats and Mr. Darcy. But as I have previously made clear, I HATE ANTS.

So Thursday we have AARD coming out for the 3rd time to spray except this time every single apartment on the bottom two floors is going to be sprayed. Even if they have never seen an ant. We must eliminate this problem. Some of our tenants  have been suffering for far longer than us and the damn ants are even in their bathrooms (eww). Unfortunately, spraying means no humans or pets can be present in the units for 2-4 hours after. Which means on my day off I will get to cart my two cats over to my Mom’s for a couple hours. The upside of that is that I don’t have to pay for boarding them AND I get to hang out with my Mom and nephew for a bit. Hopefully none of the tenants will throw a fit about having to board their pet (so far, not a peep) and this final spraying will end the wrath of ants.


15 thoughts on “Ant-ics

  1. Dude, I’ve been missing tenant related posts, they’re the best. I’ve had an ant issue before. It was in an apartment building I lived in years ago and was started by dead rats. Yeah, DEAD RATS. We had RATS and the maintenance people came and closed up the holes so the rats died and stunk up the whole apartment and it took them 3 DAYS to come and remove them. Meanwhile, ants, lured by the death smell started taking over. It was a complete nightmare. Good luck!

  2. Wow. Interesting enough. I just now posted an ant-related entry on my blog today.
    Although, it gives me the major hibbie-jibbies and I don’t mind ants *that* much; so I won’t recommend you reading it.

  3. Esso and I have discovered something we call “ant popcorn.” It’s equal parts baking soda and icing sugar. The granules are the same size, so the ants are attracted by the sugar, and take both back to the colony. Because ants don’t have the digestive system to expel gas, the baking soda works to build gas up inside their bodies, and they literally pop. And, because these are common food ingredients, it’s non-toxic and not harmful to pets or people. It totally works! It is kinda messy when you have to sweep it up, though.

  4. My dear husband freaks out when he sees any bugs in our apartment. So while I don’t necessarily freak out, I will say that our apartment has been fumigated a time or dozen, too, mostly because our wonderfully patient resident manager gets fed up with my husband complaining about the BUG he saw. I’m sorry you’re dealing with ants.

  5. OH MY GOODNESS i’m not sure i could deal with popped ants, jeopardygirl! ants are bad enough… EXPLODED ants? eeeek. although i guess if you need them dead, that will certainly work 🙂

  6. Hi Sizzle! I’ve been reading all of your archives for the last few weeks…Now I’m all caught up, and so I feel it is my duty to comment. Love your blog! Love you! Hate ants. gah. Oh, and the scientific name for the ones that invade bathrooms? Piss ants. Of course. wah-wah-waaaahhhhhhh

  7. Borax, sugar, and water. Put it near or on an ant trail. Works like a dream. Just be sure you put it someplace where the pets/kids can’t get to it. You can use a small jar lid. They evidently will take it back to the nest to feed the queen. I had sugar ants a few summers ago and since I use NO pesticides they were really becoming a problem. Within a week they were completely gone.

  8. We lived in an apartment with roaches, as a result I freak the fuck out when I see any sort of insect in the house… and we get ants every spring…

    All to say NOT FUN!

  9. We had ants that would come in under our front door all the time until Jason got on the roof and cleared the gutters and found a massive pile of leaves with a huge ants nest inside. Once he got rid of that we never had them coming in again, however now we have two nests of small ants right outside our front door and they never seem to die. I’m going to try that icing sugar baking soda trick. Ants suck. Especially the tiny sugar ants. They appear out of nowhere.

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