Measuring

The sun was shining so we spent the day leisurely strolling our neighborhood, sipping tea while watching hipsters and their dogs, their ill-fitting clothing and bed head hair take to the streets. We went grocery shopping and filled our fridge and pantry, not worrying about the cost. We took ourselves out to a nice dinner, courtesy of a Group On deal, and sipped on a minty gin drink while discussing work and life. We laughed for a couple hours as we watched and listened to David Sedaris read from his latest book and his personal diary. Then we made our way to a wine bar for a little dessert.

I took a moment to check in with the world via Twitter while Mr. Darcy stepped out to take a call. I simultaneously discovered that Bin Laden had been killed and two friends of ours had gotten engaged. I sat there flooded with emotions. The din of the restaurant surrounded me. Two people next to me at the bar were discussing Osama and I chimed in briefly. Then I began to wonder what was taking Mr. Darcy so long. Something struck me in my gut. I recognized it as dread and in walked Mr. Darcy, his face a mix of shock and defeat. The caller did not share good news.

A day can go from sunshine and laughter to pulling the rug out from under you in less than 5 minutes. What was reality shifts like tectonic plates and your world gets tossed from here to there, breakables dropping, and your heart racing.

Deep breath.

He had been feeling ill at ease. Signs were pointing to it not being a good fit but we tried to talk them down, dismiss them and chalk them up to new job jitters and old neuroses. But his gut instinct had been right (aren’t they always?) and his new place of business ended his contract after a measly 2.5 weeks. They didn’t even give him a chance. Angry, shocked, embarrassed, sad- you name it, the emotions were tumbling around. I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes, “We are going to be okay.”

Mr. Darcy is an amazingly talented artist who was put in a position that did not work to his strength at a job that clearly has some leadership issues. I know there is something better out there for him, a place that will provide him the space to flourish, not give him misdirection or make him doubt himself. Sometimes bigger isn’t always best. I don’t want him to doubt for one second that he’s not capable, strong, and worthy. I know I can’t make him feel anything but I will be there, standing beside him, because we are a team.

Sometimes life hands you a test and you have to smile at it, walk into the fear of it, holding  your love’s hand.

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35 thoughts on “Measuring

  1. Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that about Mr. Darcy’s job. What a crappy way to treat him. I have a gut feeling that he’ll look back at it at some point and realize this is a blessing in disguise. If he had a gut feeling all along, then something must have been off about it.

    On the other note, one of the clearest things I remember about Sept. 11 was how gorgeous the weather was. We also just had a bunch of really devastating tornadoes move through our area — and something I’ve noticed with every tornado I’ve been through is how the sunshine always seems to return so quickly after. I call it irony sunshine. It’s also probably a good reminder that when things are sucky, the sun will still shine.

  2. When Andrew and I had been together only a few months, he was let go at his job and it was one of the harder things we’ve ever dealt with. It sucks and the emotions that come as a result can be really hard to deal with. Thinking of you and Mr. D. You’re right: you’re a team and you guys can and will handle this together. Much love.

  3. You know, you are right: sometimes bigger is NOT always best. And it will work out the way it should. The company I work for now is not one of the huge film/tv/media studios in California that I admired and had endlessly applied for. While part of me thinks it may have been great to work at one those places, where I ended up is probably the best job I have ever had in terms of leadership, management and company culture.

    It will happen for Darcy too. And it will be awesome.

  4. Hugs. I’m riding out J’s second round of unemployment in less than 4 years of marriage. I am the primary breadwinner in our relationship even when he is working, but I wonder about his emotional state each time as to being the “provider” that he wants to be for us. You’re right – you are going to be okay. Just keep breathing and moving forward.

  5. After only 2.5 weeks!? WTH? But as they say “no hay mal que por bien no venga” (no ill does not bring something good… or something like that). Wishing you both the best of lucks, and don’t worry something better is just around the corner for him, I’m sure!

  6. Well, that royally sucks. No matter how ill-fitting a job may be, we never want to be let go. We want to be in control and make that decision ourselves, on our own timelines. But, as countless people before me have learned, when one door closes, another will open. And with time, Mr. Darcy and you might even be thankful for this crappy news.

  7. UGH. I am so sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed that he finds something that’s a better fit for him SOON.

  8. Hugs to you both, friend. I can’t believe they didn’t even give him a chance but I KNOW there must be something better out there. I’m glad you have each other. (BIG HUG)

  9. Sorry to hear but where one door closes another one opens. Good luck to him on the new job search and thankfully he has someone to stand by him that loves him.

  10. Really? 2.5 weeks is not enough time to evaluate anyone’s skill set much less understand how a project may or may not come together. Sounds like he was a pawn and his side of the chess match lost. Meanies.

    Hug Mr. Darcy and let him enjoy some free oxygen and then the gods will send him on his next adventure. But it is a nasty sort of surprise.

    The news of Bin Laden’s death has so disturbed me – haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly why – because what was the “right” thing to have happen? But here is a quote from Martin Luther King Jr that cuts right to the heart of how I’m thinking.

    “I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

  11. I am sorry to hear that, it is shocking and numbing for the first few hours/days after you lose a job. But then slowly you pick yourself up and move on to bigger and brighter things. It will suck at first but things have a way of working out. Good luck Mr Darcy!

  12. I can’t believe they didn’t even give him a chance! But you are right, there are better things out there for him and you! Big hugs 🙂

  13. it really stinks! but really people always say something better will come along, and it almost always does, even if it takes a while!! Heads up!

  14. Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about Mr. Darcy. But he’s very lucky to have so much support from you and I don’t doubt for a second that his talents will be recognized by someone even better. Thinking of you both!

  15. 2.5 weeks seems awfully sketchy…like they changed directions after the Initial offer. No matter what the reason, it sucks… But what doesn’t suck is Mr. Darcy’s work portfolio. Whether it’s continued self employment or another job lined up, your man has mad artistic talent and I’m glad to see that celebrated here! Go get em’ Mr. Darcy!

  16. 1) I’m super sorry that this happened. It is never fun to be asked to leave rather than be the one deciding to do the leaving (worst sentence ever – you get the point).

    That said, sometimes this stuff is a blessing. If he KNEW it wasn’t a fit, but wasn’t ready to leave for whatever reasons (only there 2.5 weeks, bad job market, need money, etc), then he basically just saved himself a year of stress and heartache.

    My boyfriend has worked a thankless job for 2 years now. He is freaking miserable. He is always “this close” to getting laid off. And while I never want anything bad to happen to him, I almost wish he WOULD get laid off… because then he could truly spend his time and energy on looking for a new job… it is hard to look when you are miserable.

    Big hugs to you both. YOu will be fine. Lots of vibes headed your way.

  17. That’s SO frustrating! I’m thinking of you both and sending wishes for a speedy, prosperous new position. It’s wonderful how supportive you are of each other.

  18. I agree with the consensus: that DOES suck! I’m a firm believer that things (sucky and unsucky) happen for a reason – cliche, but true. I’m sure there are many emotions running amuck for both of you, but hold your heads up. Hugs for both of you from Ohio 🙂

  19. Their loss! Really. When Steven got laid off two years ago, that is what I thought. Although, leadership was also wonky where he was, so it was good he got out. I hope Mr Darcy’s doesn’t take it too hard.

  20. Yes, you are a team and that will be the key to getting through this!! I’m so sorry this happened and put a damper on what was an otherwise wonderful day…

  21. Really sorry to hear this. He is SUPER talented, and I’m sure something better will come along!

    This may be a bit of a stretch, but has he ever thought about creating art/custom art to sell on Etsy? When I first saw something he drew, I thought to myself “Man, I wish this guy could draw a picture of my husband and I!” I dunno… just trowing it out there.

  22. I am so sorry this happened. I’m glad he has you to help him through this and onto the next thing, which will be wonderful; I just know it.

  23. i’m sorry. that really sucks. how can they let him go after only 2.5 weeks? that’s BS. i know some people might wanna slap me for this but i still believe that (most) everything happens for a reason and it’ll all be good!

  24. They called him to tell him this? On a Sunday night? Clearly there were issues with the management. Best of luck to Mr. Darcy in finding a new job!

  25. That they only gave him 2.5 weeks, says a lot about the management. The right opportunity will come along. You two are lucky to have each other.

  26. I hate that this happened for you guys, and I totally agree it says all you need to know about that group. But I do love that your gut reaction was that you’re going to make it through together. I know you will.

    I’m sorry for the stress. Big xo’s to you both.

  27. Ugh, I’m sorry. Please tell Mr. Darcy I’m sorry too. It’s never fun to be let go. But maybe it’s for a reason. If this wasn’t an ideal fit, it could have been a nightmare to stay. I have a feeling he will fall into something better.

    I’m sure that was a whole helluva lot to digest all in one night. I hope you had an extra glass of wine afterward.

  28. I’m so sorry 😦 I know how excited you both were about his new job; it’s such a shame it ended so badly. Sometimes just holding their hand and saying “we’ll be okay” is all they need to hear. I’ve done it with Ray (health reasons not job ones) and he found comfort in knowing we were in it together.

  29. I’m sorry to be so late reading this, just catching up on my Reader.

    I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t work out for Mr Darcy, that just sucks. I hope things will go up from here. Hugs to you both.

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