A Real Pisser

Many of you are privy to my growing irritation with my 3G iPhone. For months now it has only intermittently charged despite the fact that I have 3 different charger cables. It will stubbornly only accept a charge from my car charger which has probably led many a neighbor to wonder what on earth I am doing in my driveway sitting in my parked car at all hours of the day and night, not actually driving anywhere.

I took my iPhone to Apple where the Genius Bar employee plugged it into a charger and on first attempt, it gave her the same asshole message it’s been giving me “charging is not supported with this accessory”. Which, if you didn’t know, is just its way of flipping me the bird. On the 2nd, 3rd and 4th attempts it synched up and charged.

Motherfucker.

We tried my charger and it worked. Even I tried plugging it in and it worked. My iPhone was putting on quite the performance! So I took it on vacation and OF COURSE it didn’t work with my charger. Not once. But! It would work with my sister’s charger and, yes, in the car.

To put it mildly, my phone has been making me angry.

So. . . last night right before Mr. Darcy and I were leaving for his birthday dinner, I went the bathroom. Yes, yes, I know you don’t really want to picture me peeing (trust me, I don’t want you to either) but this is very important for the rest of the story. I got up from the toilet and as I turned to flush my iPhone flew out of the shallow pocket of my dress and plopped right into the toilet. During those few seconds as it flew through the air in a trajectory of imminent demise my life slowed. It was like inside my head I was screaming a slow “noooooooooooooooo!” but was paralyzed to intervene. The moment it landed I immediately reached in and grabbed it, pawing off the protective case and wiping it down.

I stuck my hand in my own urine. That is how addicted to my iPhone I am.

I ran to the fan, turned it on full blast and held it in front of it while screaming to Mr. Darcy, “I DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE TOILET!” He looked up fixes on the internet while I used the hair dryer on it. Then I stuck it in a bag of rice as I lamented how as much as the phone has been a pain in my ass for months, I am lost without it.

A sad, true fact.

Twitter and Facebook friends gave good suggestions and at least I know I am not the only one to get my iPhone wet. After leaving the phone in a bag of rice overnight the screen still has some water damage and it’s a bit slow but it’s working. Kinda. I made an appointment with the Genius Bar for today anyhow and will likely bite the bullet and purchase a 4G. I had been holding out for the 5G but with the charging issues and now the dip it took in the pee pool, I can’t wait.

It’s days like this where I miss the simplicity of my flip phone. Or, hell, our old rotary phone that didn’t have call waiting.

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18 thoughts on “A Real Pisser

  1. Would it be possible to grab a cheap phone to put on your contract until the 5 comes out? Like check ebay or something? That way you don’t have to get the 4, but have something to use in the meantime? You might be able to get smartphone for cheapish on ebay, or even just a non-smart phone.
    Just an idea 🙂

  2. I totally thought you were going to say that after falling in the toilet, the phone would now charge with your charger. What a pisser, indeed!

  3. This is why I never keep anything in my pocket but change. Pockets are not to be trusted. I say you go back to your old flip phone. Then we can be phone twins. 😉 Sorry about your troubles…very annoying.

  4. Can you limp along with your IPeePhone a little longer? Does it still work, other than charging? You know that as soon as the Iphone5 comes out that Iphone4 will be reduced to $99 or less. I was recently in the Apple store and asked about getting a 3 for now (I don’t currently have an Iphone, but want one badly), and upgrading to a 4 or 5 when the new one comes out, and they said I wouldn’t be eligible for the discounted price on a new phone, and would have to pay the unlocked (full) price if I upgraded before I was eligible. So be sure to check your contract. You don’t want to get locked into being stuck with a 4 when you really want a 5. Ask several people, not just one salesperson, so you know for sure.

  5. I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but your storytelling was hysterical!

    I dropped my phone in my sister’s pool once and jumped in fully clothed to retrieve it. I got it out fast enough that I was able to save it. I think there was a bit of condensation behind the screen for a few months though!

  6. I also totally thought you were going to say that after falling into the toilet, your iPhone started behaving again 😉

    Question: 3G and 4G is not the same as iphone 3 and iPhone 4, am I correct?
    Because I have an iPhone 4, but it’s still on a 3G network.
    I thought the 4G network would come with the iPhone 5? (Sorry for getting technical ;))

  7. I don’t know who you have as a carrier but when I chose to upgrade, I picked the Android X instead of Iphone. I like it and i don’t seem to be missing anything that I think…Dang, I wish I would have got the IPhone instead. I did pick the Android instead of the IPhone mainly because I had the Blackberry before and I could put my SD card in the new phone and not lose any photos and stuff. Easier learing curve also.

  8. I’ve yet to lose a phone to the toilet (knock on wood), but I did have an incident where I spent the night at a friend’s apartment and her crazy French Bulldog ended up peeing on me and my cell phone while I was asleep.

  9. I think Apple was somehow trying to say “get a new iphone!” and made your phone jump into the toilet.

    What? Totally possible!

  10. The only time I’ve ever been to a strip club, I dropped my phone in the toilet. And I had just gotten in. The toilet, of course, had pee in it and I totally put my hand in there to get it.

  11. Aww. One of my greatest fears ever! I dropped my iPhone4 at Mt Rushmore and shattered the back glass. I went into the Apple store to get a cover for it and found out it was actually cheaper to replace the glass $29 than to buy a new case!

    I wish you luck and I’m sorry…

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