I’ve had to pee in my next door neighbor’s bathroom since last night.

Let me explain: Our bathroom is currently unusable except  for the sink thanks to shoddy plumbing in our old building. Our downstairs neighbor alerted us to a dripping sound coming from her walls and condensation that later lead to a leak near the ceiling. I knew it was going to be a big problem. Drips and leaks are not something you ever want to have happen.

So since yesterday her ceiling is ripped out and a portion of her wall is torn out exposing wet, rotted walls and the beginnings of black mold. We aren’t able to use our toilet or our shower until tonight when they’ve (hopefully) replaced the pipes. Apparently whoever owned the building prior did a half-assed job repairing leaks- there is old duct tape and excessive use of caulk. Plus, they set it up so that the  toilet pipes link to the shower pipes and that is not good as per the plumber. What do I know about pipes and leaks? I’m an event planner.

Our landlords did not offer to put us up in a hotel and instead of trying to stay elsewhere, sleeping on a blow up bed or something, we decided to just tough it out and stay. Our neighbor is in New Zealand until the new year and Mr. Darcy was smart in remembering that. She’s the hoarder lady but she had recently cleaned up her place so thankfully it’s not scary to go in there. It does, however, suck to have to leave you house to go use the bathroom. And we can’t even flush it because her pipes are connected to the problem. It’s just a better alternative  since ours is going to be removed then replaced today.

Related: Once you hear you can’t use your bathroom you will be struck with a feeling of having to pee and it will persist throughout your ordeal. Trust me on this.

I woke up this morning to discover that the one house we liked so far in our search went from active to pending. My heart broke a little reading this. The combination of no working bathroom in our current home combined with the disheartening news that the house we started to get excited about was gone pushed me to tears. I’m just so done living in an apartment and being a manager. I’m done handling other people’s problems, complaints and inconsiderate behavior. I’m done feeling cramped, done with switching cars in the driveway so that Mr. Darcy can get out to go to work, done with no kitchen space, no space to throw a party and no yard. D-O-N-E. I’m done in my heart and it makes it hard to enjoy being here. But here is where we are stuck for the next few months (hopefully) as we figure this out.

We were set to meet our realtor this Sunday at that house we had our hopes on to really discuss it in earnest and then to look at some other houses in the area. But the idea of looking now just seems wrong to me. We aren’t in a place to make an offer because we don’t know how much we have for a down payment (it’s being generously gifted to us) and the rules around how long we have to have that money in our account before we can use it. We don’t have the savings we want in our own bank account either and have said we’d like a couple more months of aggressive saving to really feel ok with moving. And yet that house made us feel like we could risk it and take a leap. I knew this could happen. I was warned about it. I just didn’t know I’d feel so sad.

I’ve told Mr. Darcy that I need to hold off on house hunting until we get our financial ducks in a row. We need to know how much we have for the down payment and meet with our broker first before I can feel comfortable looking in earnest. I’m not good at window shopping. I started imaging us living in that house and now I know what it feels like to foolishly dream when you don’t have the financial reality behind it. I’m sure I’ll move past the sadness. I needed a taste of it to be able to temper my emotions moving forward in our search. I just never imagined I’d be crying about it while peeing in my neighbor’s toilet.


18 thoughts on “Flushed

  1. I’m not good at window shopping either. It’s like test-driving new cars when you’re not ready to buy. I’m glad you’re being smart about saving/preparing for homeownership – even tho it sucks now.

  2. Dreaming is never foolish. It is what inspires you to move forward. And every person I know that has bought their first house has done so on the heels of an extremely frustrating situation. Without it, why would you everove forward or change? It also amplifies your gratitude and appreciation for your new home, which is paramount when you’re inevitably spending more than you had planned. But every penny and sacrifice will be worth it. Trust in that. XOXO

  3. Oh Hon, great bigs hugs to you. You’ll find the house of your dreams, sadly the waiting is so hard and frustrating and seeing something you liked so much makes it so hard to go back to your annoying apartment.
    Hang in there, hold hands w/Mr Darcy and don’t let it make you crazy.

  4. I know how that house thing goes. I think everyone who’s done it must, and yet that makes it no better for you. I am not even looking at looking until next year and I already fall for houses and picture myself living in them and then, poof, they are gone. But if all this looking and waiting has taught me anything, it’s that others do come along and you’ll find yourself having those same thoughts all over again. 🙂 Hang in there. And I am sure it’ll all seem better when you can pee in your own home.

  5. Plumbing issues suck. And I’m sorry about that house. We just have to hope it means a better house is waiting for you. It’s ok to cry about it now though. It’s therapeutic.

  6. The Universe was speaking to you. You’re not ready to buy yet. Taking a leap on any house, even a seemingly perfect house, isn’t the right move right now. You should feel good about getting those ducks in a row first. There will be other houses for you to fall in love with. I promise! =)

    Also, you might want to check with your lender. When we were buying, you had to provide at least 2 months of bank statements. If an account went from small to large in that time, the lending bank would bring to question your finances. So, you want to make sure that donated down payment is in the account for at least a few months before you want to put in an offer, so there’s no reason to question it.

  7. House hunting is so emotional. Before buying the house we’re in now I got really attached to another one about six months before my lease was up. It was on the market for like a year and a half and then all of a sudden sold about two months after I saw the inside during an open house and fell in love with the kitchen and the upstairs bedrooms and office nook and the backyard. I don’t love our current house any better or worse than that one, but that one was my first love.

    Taking a break from looking is probably a good idea because I don’t know how not to keep from getting attached when you find a house you love. You’ve seen enough to know what you’re aiming for and to have the motivation to keep saving and working toward what you want.

    And after reading your first two paragraphs, my first thought was, ‘Damn, if I didn’t have access to a toiled, I’d probably have to pee every 15 minutes.’ 🙂

  8. Ugh I could not live where there wasn’t a bathroom, not even for a night. I am pretty sure that is not legal where I live, that is, they have to provide facilities. I get though that you are ready to move. I am sure the right house will turn up and you won’t even remember the other places that didn’t work out.

  9. Awww lady, don’t get too down (I know, easier said than done). It was just not meant to be. I know you’ll find something even better. These things just take time.

    I can’t believe they used duct tape. I just have no words for that. I hope all gets fixed ASAP. Big hugs to you.

  10. I know this will sound cliche but if that house is gone it wasn’t the house that was perfect for you both. There may have been an unseen issue that would have cost you greatly in the long run. ( I work in Insurance, we see all kinds of stuff that people have to pay for) You will find the house you are meant to have and when you “have your financial ducks in a row” Good luck. Be patient.

  11. I remember feeling the exact same way when I was house hunting. And now I have a house that is far too small for 3 of us. All because I was so done shopping by the time we stumbled upon it.

  12. oof, it’s like how when you decide you’re going to leave a job, all of a sudden it is just SO IMPOSSIBLE to do good work there anymore, when in your heart you’ve already moved on.

    i hear a first house love is much like a first real love – in that you never fully get over it – but here’s hoping there’s another house who will treat you better and be a better long term fit anyway 🙂

  13. I’ve been window shopping for houses for two years because my down payment money is tied up in a lawsuit (that has nothing to do with me and won’t change the amount, but alas no $$ in my account). I’ve falling in love with more houses than I can count on two hands. And I can remember all the floorplans, all my favorite parts, asking price, all of it. But the beauty is that when one sold, I eventually found another love. And so on and so on. I keep looking because a) it lessens the sting of the last love’s sale, 2) it reminds me that there are so many different houses to love, and 3) it helps me decide what I want/don’t want when the time comes to put in an offer.

  14. To quote another cliche, “it just wasn’t meant to be” 😦 There may have been unforeseen repercussions or serious issues with the house somewhere down the road – you just never know! Think of it as the universe looking out for two wonderful people who deserve the absolute best 🙂 You’re being very smart with getting your ducks in a row and I’m anxiously awaiting the blog that says how happy you are that you waited because you found the perfect house! Chin up, doll and I hope the plumbing issue is resolved soon!

  15. Aw, girl. It’s the worst when you’re ready to move forward to a big change but are held back by circumstances (or finances). You’re been doing this thankless job for far too long, and you deserve a home of your own. I’m praying that it happens sooner, rather than later.

  16. You poor dear! As if the toilet situation wasn’t bad enough. Even when I/we were ready to buy a place, it was hard to look. I really liked this one place and it fell through. But we ended up with something better (even though Mr. W’s ex roommate is the one living in it) and so will you! I guarantee you’ll find something else you love. And you’ll find it at the right time.

    I know you don’t want to hear this, but try to enjoy these last days of being stuck in an apartment. It’s a whole other can of worms when you buy a house. There will still be issues that suck – like leaky pipes and broken toilets – but when you’re in a house, YOU have to pay for them. And that kind of blows. Sometimes I really miss being in an apartment and being responsibility-free!

  17. Visiting with your broker first will give you a much better idea of what you can afford and answer questions about the money in your account. The paperwork also (usually) takes an ungodly amount of time. I began to resent every question I was asked from where my money came from to what was my last name. I was seriously thinking about giving my broker all kinds of fake, but highly interesting, stories about my situation. But then I found my house, I went with a new broker – and it was all a breeze, and this house is absolutely perfect for me (and my own horde/hoard). Good Luck, try not to become despondent over the houses, and remember that looking can help you adjust your wish list from must haves to realistic wants. And I was in an awful situation financially just a few years before buying this house, so turnaround can happen. Keep your heads up.

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