I am not particularly good at expressing my deep down wants. I tend to be more practical and I weigh all sides of big decisions. There is a part of me that has that “gut instinct” but when it comes to things like buying a house, picking out a ring, deciding on the person I am hoping to spend the rest of my life with, I don’t just jump in. I always thought I was impetuous but upon inspection, that is not the case. For me the feeling builds and when I listen to it, I begin to trust it.
I expressed my worry and disappointment in myself to Mr. Darcy. “Why can’t I just feel that this-is-the-one feeling? Maybe something is wrong with me? Other people say they feel it, but I don’t.” He explained that it’s not that I don’t know what I want but that I am cautious when making big decisions and very pragmatic about my approach to them. For example, when I looked at engagement rings I was clear that I liked this one or do not like that one but that feeling of OH MY GOD THIS IS IT that people say they get? I don’t have that. I’ve spent my life tempering my deepest desires with a practical protection from being that vulnerable and raw. I get the why of it; I just feel like I am missing out on something.
I’ve talked to friends about this as well. Some people are more easily in touch with that flare of feeling whereas others are like me in that they know what they like but it isn’t this dramatic overwhelming feeling. What type are you?