The Things I Won’t Miss

I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was 75 degrees outside and our apartment traps heat and cooks us whenever the temps get above 68. I’d finally found slumber when I was awoken by a woman ranting loudly outside our building. I could hear her through my ear plugs! She was going on and on about politics and the law and saying how “EVERYTHING IS ILLEGAL!” She was clearly insane. She finally wandered off down the street about 5 minutes later but by then I was awake and had a hard time falling back to sleep. Around 5am Dottie decided she needed snuggling/feeding (it’s hard to tell with her) and started gently pawing at my arms. I finally picked her up and when I did she clawed onto the sheet and Mr. Darcy’s leg.

Needless to say, we are both pretty wrecked today. I have to work until 7:30 tonight! And am up right now to show an open apartment at 7:45am.

Putting on a bra before 8am is a crime against boobs.

There are many things about our apartment and our neighborhood that I will not miss. These include:

  1. lots of people walking by at all hours in all states of sobriety/drunkenness (last night alone I heard 3 people walk by in the span of 15 minutes saying fuck very loudly before bed)
  2. smelling cigarette smoke from our neighbor smoking on the shared balcony next to our apartment
  3. hearing the guy above us walk around with heavy shoes on
  4. smelling pot smoke in the building hallways (see woman from #2)
  5. the lack of parking for visitors (people have actually called to say they couldn’t come because they had driven around for 20 minutes and found no spots)
  6. the on-going construction at the monstrosity of an apartment building a block away (the construction workers arrive early, take all the parking, and the noise begins at 7am, sometimes on Saturdays)
  7. shared laundry facility that is down two flights of stairs
  8. lack of closet space (I swear Darcy is going to throw all the stuff in his too-small-closet out into the hallway in a rage one day. I feel his pain since my closet is too small to store my laundry basket or all my dresses.) (No, I do not have too many dresses. Hush.)
  9. our apartment becoming like a heat box the moment the temp climbs above 65
  10. dealing with all the building upkeep like sweeping fire escapes and cleaning out the big ashtrays on the balconies (barf) and vacuuming 4 stories (I’m perfectly fine cleaning my own house but cleaning up after everyone else? NO.)
  11. having no private outdoor space
  12. a kitchen without enough counter space or storage
  13. no space to host a party, especially a dinner party
  14. People rifling through the dumpsters and, on occasion, defecating back there (oh my hell)
  15. dealing with the driveway (for some reason people think the driveway is communal- this better not happen when we own the house!)
  16. knowing that at any moment a tenant could call, knock, text for our help (like last night when a tenant called to tell us her kitchen light was out to which I said, “We don’t change your light bulbs but we do leave a ladder in the communal space downstairs.” Because SERIOUSLY?!)

We’re still waiting for underwriting to be completed and the appraisal on the house. We’re in the final stretch even though we worry about proclaiming it as ours until we have the keys in our hands, which, if all goes according to plan, should be June 7th. We hope that’s how it goes because we already hired movers for June 8th!


15 thoughts on “The Things I Won’t Miss

  1. Ha! All good things to miss. I know you can’t wait to stretch out your arms and sigh, and know it’s all yours. (and Mr Darcy’s of course)
    I’m so excited for you both!

    ps. Is there a way to comment using my blogspot address? I don’t use the wordpress anymore but they keep telling me I have to login to that account.

  2. I have two predictions when you move into your new house:
    (1) You’ll have trouble sleeping, because it’s TOO quiet!
    (2) You’ll get used to it pretty darn fast.
    Happy slumbers and happy living to you so very soon, Miss Sizzle!!!

  3. The only thing I miss about apartment living is the minimal upkeep we had to do. House-related upkeep is time consuming! However, it sounds like it might be a breeze to deal with compared to what you’ve had to do at the apartment building.

    A funny story about adjusting to living in a house – shortly after we moved in, my husband was jumping up and down for some reason, and I quickly admonished him for making so much noise, forgetting that we no longer lived above anyone. It took a while for that feeling of having to be considerate for those sharing walls with us went away.

  4. Oh, suburbia will be so quiet. It’ll freak you out but not enough to not love it. And this little list should help with the sentimental part of the transition a whole lot! 🙂

  5. You must live in my building! Oh, darn it. You don’t. Because no one ever, or almost ever, sweeps, mops, and repaints the front porch, or the shared hallways and balconies. When the urine and vomit were running into the building under the front door, the owner begrudgingly came by to clean. I used to live in a house in the suburbs, and it was delightful! While I do love living at B’way and Pike for far too many reasons to list here, the downside of this location is that the filth, the noise, and the constant movement outside may slowly be driving me insane!! And when the weather reporters are raving about the impending sunshine, I am groaning inside. Good luck to you! (I need to move 🙂

  6. After reading this, I’m shocked you stayed on as apartment manager for so long! I know free rent is amazing, but I don’t know if I could’ve done it.

  7. Defecating near the dumpsters???? What is WRONG with people? Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well and keeps moving along!

  8. Your neighborhood sounds like a mixed bag. I like the idea of it being free and easy with a dash of rowdiness. But nobody wants to have to always deal with crazy people, human poop near their door, construction noise and the like.

    I live in a much nicer neighborhood than I am accustomed to but I still get so angry and the cars honking their horns in the morning or nearby jackhammer. I also miss having a safe place to always park my motorcycle. Still I think I prefer being a city mouse to a country mouse– I just miss Detroit sometimes. It was the quietest city on the planet.

  9. I can’t wait to read the flip of this list that goes on and on about all the things you love about your new place! 🙂 The 8th will be here before you know it!

  10. First time reader, so catching up on things. But, #16 made me crack up. Namely because as I was interviewing tenants recently for my condo I ran into this and thought it was just me. An early 30s medical resident came to see the place. She seemed confused that I was going to be her landlord (building sort of looks like apartments, but they are individually owned units), then pointed out I was moving 4 hours away, so what was she to do if something goes wrong? I explained she would call me and I would arrange for someone to come address any emergencies, or I would travel up to deal with any non-emergencies. She looks at me blankly and asks, “Well, like…what about if a lightbulb goes out?” After a moment of complete silence I responded, “Um…change it?”

    Seriously, how did this woman get through medical school?!

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