The Good In The Bad: Perspective & Hope

I’ve been trying to focus on the here and now. You know, really putting that “Be” tattoo on my wrist to work. Last week I was caught up in the bad thoughts. I felt tangled in my fear of the surgery and all that it entails. I future-tripped and fell back on my old stand-by coping mechanism – planning. I went about my routine and tried to act normal. I didn’t get much work done, was quiet more than usual, and listened to a great deal of classical music.

I am feeling more positive these last few days. I’ve always struggled to name my feelings and honor them because I am usually too concerned about keeping it together, being strong, and not burdening others. I’ve spent many, many years keeping myself guarded when it comes to deep emotional stuff. It almost stopped me from writing about what’s going on but I am so grateful I did because the outpouring of support has been very encouraging for me.

Just a week or so before we got the news about my pre-cancerous, over-achieving cervix, Mr. Darcy and I had a big fight where we questioned if we should get married. In the throes of all this health stuff, all doubts have been erased. I don’t think either of us has ever been this sure about our love for one another. Mr. Darcy has been strong and comforting to me when the fear has broken me even as he is battling his own worries. This situation has given us an invaluable gift- to trust each other in new ways and feel secure in our love.

It sucks that it takes a health scare to feel valued and loved but if this is one of the positives of all this, then I am grateful. I’ve talked to some of my best friends more than we usually get to due to our busy lives. Something about a loved one going through a scary thing shifts our perspective on what really matters, doesn’t it? As the person going through it, I can say that I certainly see things in a new light. I have been focusing so much on positives and visualizing healthy outcomes that I don’t have room for negativity or petty complaints. It’s kind of freeing. I hope I can continue with this mindset from here on out.

I am acutely aware of my own mortality and with that the priorities of my life have aligned in a new way. I’m still meditating on all that is shifting within me but I think in a lot of ways the changes I have been seeking to make within myself are occurring. And while I wish it was under different circumstances, The Universe has its ways and I am listening.

I know I will be nervous tomorrow but I will do a lot of deep breathing, positive visualization, and continue to have faith in healthy outcomes. Your support has helped me immensely and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you wouldn’t mind holding me in your thoughts, prayers, what-have-you tomorrow morning, sending me some love, healing, calm, I’d appreciate it. My surgery is at 8:45am PST and should last about 35-45 minutes. I’ll take good vibes any time but if between 8am and 10am you could take a minute or two to send me love and light, I know I’ll feel it and it will help me.

Thank you for being on this journey with me, for caring about a woman many of you have never met in person, and for always wishing me the best possible outcome. You’ve impacted my life in such a deep way that I can’t find the words to convey how much it means to me. Just know my thanks are loaded with love.


33 thoughts on “The Good In The Bad: Perspective & Hope

  1. As morbid as it seems, I think one of the reasons we have bad things in this world is to helps us recognize the good in our lives. I’m glad you’re able to find that shift in perspective, and I hope the cause of it is only temporary. I absolutely will be sending you good thoughts and vibes tomorrow morning.

  2. time to re-apply my mascara… darn you!
    i kid.
    i love you, support you and know that perfect health is all you are.

  3. You got it, sister. If you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to add you to tomorrow morning’s prayer list at the cathedral. Is that OK with you? (Totally fine if it isn’t – I completely understand that!)

  4. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good strong vibes from over here too.
    Sincerely, all the very best to you and yours X

  5. Yes I am tearing up in my cubicle, judge me if you must! 🙂

    I’m so sorry that such a wonderful person like you even has to deal with this at all, but I’m completely inspired by your ability to see through it for some of the blessings (gag) that it is bringing you. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, friend! It will go great!

  6. You bet I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow morning (as I have been all week)! Feel those good vibes? You can tell the doctors that you’re “buzzing” on the table from all the thoughts, wishes, prayers and energy your friends are sending. I hope the next 24 hours pass quickly for you. XO

  7. Aw, I am sending you love today, tomorrow morning, and always. You are wonderful, and you have taught me a lot in sharing your feelings here. I’m praying for you, and grateful you are taken care of in so many ways. xoxo

  8. You don’t even have to ask! Of course I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow. Also, about the doubts for marriage, those are totally normal. I love my husband absolutely more than anything, but there were more than a handful of times in the second year of marriage (Year 1 was newlywed love) that we both considered throwing in the towel. We’re 4 years in now, and it took us until about the end of Year 2 to really “get” each other. I can say 100% that I love being married more than anything NOW, but I never could have said that a couple of years ago. I hope it’s some comfort to you know that we all go through our doubts, but you’ll come out stronger on the other side.

  9. You always have such good perspective, Sizz. Difficult times definitely brings people together – it’s amazing to have the opportunity to reaffirm your love for Mr. Darcy and to connect with dear friends, despite what brought you that opportunity in the first place. I had already written down in my calendar your procedure tomorrow and will most definitely focus my thoughts for you in the morning. You are such a strong women surrounded by a strong network of friends and loved ones who will all be thinking good things for you tomorrow.xoxo

  10. I think you’re doing a terrific job, Sizz, and I promise you, you’ll be in my thoughts (and I’ll be sending positive vibes) from now until this whole thing is over and done with. 🙂

  11. My thoughts and prayers cannot wait to get out of the Phoenix heat! They’ll be heading your way in the morning! I hope you sleep soundly tonight; I can imagine that might be a challenge–bonus thought and prayer heading your way this evening. :o)

  12. You will definitely be in my thoughts tomorrow! Especially since 8:45 equates to quite later in cst. LOL. Trying to joke.

    It is great that this has really shown the trust between you and Mr Darcy. I am not sure what I can say about that without sounding like an idiot, but I have been there, and know what you mean. This serves as a good reminder for us to cut out the BS in life too, and keep those connections with loved ones 🙂

  13. You have a keeper in Mr. Darcy. As scary as the situation is, to know that he is there for it all without question surrounds you with all his strength and love. Good luck tomorrow, I will send out a good thought to the universe.

  14. I’ve been thinking of you all week. Sending bushels of love and light your way, lady. Here’s to optimal health and wholeness. xo!

  15. You made me tear up. Sizzle, I have only met you one time, but I hope I am lucky enough to cross paths with you again sometime. 🙂

  16. All the love in the world to you. I’ll be holding you in my field of good vibe from now straight on through until after your surgery. I’ve been thinking about ya all week. It is rough that it takes situations like this to remind us of what matters, but I guess in a way that helps make them a little more bearable. I know tomorrow will go well. You’ll have a huge bubble of love around you the entire time. XO

  17. Glad I read my blogs early. Sending you love and light right now and especially at 8:45. Praying everything goes well.

  18. Wishing you the best, Sizz, always. Was already thinking of you this morning but am glad to have hit your 8-10 window as well.

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