No, That Won’t Work

I woke up to an email from our contact at our wedding venue telling me that our rehearsal time for Saturday at 3pm no longer works because the wedding that night has moved their start time up to 4pm thus meaning that set up will be happening starting at 2pm.

Um. WHAT?!

This comes right after I spent hours upon hours locating a last minute location for a post-rehearsal gathering. The future in-laws decided they’d like to host something like that and so I tried to find a place within budget that could give us a semi-private space for 20 people. It was not easy as many places have $1000 minimums when you get to that number of people and we’re less than 2 weeks away. And being in downtown Seattle means most restaurants are a bit pricier. I finally found something yesterday afternoon after many emails and calls, put a hold on it, and called my future mother-in-law to tell her the good news. I was relieved to have another thing crossed off my long to do list.

I’m trying to be Zen here. I’m taking the “imperfect is perfect” approach. But who emails a bride less than 2 weeks before her rehearsal to casually say she needs to change the rehearsal time we agreed on months ago to a different day?? It really bothers me that she didn’t even apologize for the massive inconvenience she is laying on me when I am in the midst of the most chaotic pre-wedding time. How does a couple change their wedding time this close to it I wonder? It makes me think she’s known of this time change prior but is only now getting around to telling me.

I’m just not happy at all with how this shakes out. Not only do I have to cancel the reservation that took me a lot of work to secure for the rehearsal happy hour now but I have to start over to find a place for a gathering that could host an earlier time. I have to tell the band, our photographers, and the entire bridal party that sorry to throw a wrench into your day where you had free time, you now have to show up earlier for this rehearsal. And my sister who is in charge of putting all the flowers together was going to use Saturday morning to assemble them. It’s a lot of work and she needs that time. We were going to give all the decorations and supplies, including the flowers, to our day-of coordinator at the 3pm rehearsal. It was all going to work so perfectly.

And now this.

I’m sure it will all work out. I will make sure it does. But who the hell needs this kind of bullshit so close to the wedding? I certainly could do without it.

I really need to not check my email on my iPhone when I’m just waking up. I don’t need to start the day stressed when I haven’t even woken up entirely yet!


33 thoughts on “No, That Won’t Work

  1. I’m not sure the time of the wedding changed as much as an inexperienced wedding coordinator might not have allowed enough time to set up the other wedding. Or perhaps the other bride went all bridezilla on them and insisted that no other bride be in her venue on her special day (a friend got married in a wedding hall that did 2 weddings on a Saturday night, and the place was an enormous wedding hall and the brides were each assigned a bridal coordinator who wore a walkie talkie and part of her job was to ensure each bride would never see the other. So they would radio locations to each other like it was a military maneuver).

    Would it be easier for you to push up the rehearsal to an earlier time that day? Or would it be possible for you to hold the wedding rehearsal the day of the wedding? We went through an hour long wedding rehearsal for my brothers wedding (the priest wouldn’t shut up about logistics and lectured us for a half hour straight before people even started lining up), and at the end I was so bored and tired I forgot to pay attention to where in line I was supposed to be standing, and what my cue was to start walking (thankfully there was a wedding coordinator on the day of the wedding, and she told me where to stand and said “go” when it was time for me to walk down the aisle. Unless you are doing something really unusual, people will probably understand what to do as long as they know where to line up, and where to stand (or sit) at the end of the aisle. As long as you and your husband know where to stand ahead of time, you might be fine with a day of rehearsal (which is what we did for our wedding, after the pictures were taken and everything was fine).

    I’m sorry they dumped this on you at the last minute – you don’t need any additional stress. But if you have a wedding coordinator or an organized friend who can fill in to double check that everyone is standing in the right order and knows where to sit, I think you will be absolutely fine.

  2. Wow. This truly sucks. You are completely within rights to feel ballistic in response because from the outside it all totally looks like an evil conspiracy to Ruin Sizzle’s Wedding. Well, I say don’t let those anti-wedding terrorists win! Whatever it takes however it plays out, simply do NOT let all these strangers dictate what kind of a day you will have. Do you have any relatives in the Mob? Does somebody need to relocate somebody else’s kneecaps here? Seriously. Heads must roll!

    I’m old but I’m spry and I cheat when I fight so if you need me to I am on the next flight out to you. Just say the word and somebody’s gonna be very, very sorry!

  3. As someone in the wedding business now, I’ll tell you that that is NOT OK! Big eff up on their part. You have every right to be pissed and demand some sort of compensation!

  4. What a pain in the ass! At the very least, they need to compensate you for this change. It’s pretty unacceptable at this stage, in my opinion.

  5. You need to spread the word about this venue’s poor service, and not just through this blog post. You need to reveal the name of the venue so other brides can be warned to go elsewhere.

    Me, I would just show up and demand to do my rehearsal at the appointed time. Too bad if another wedding is in the midst of set-up. You had your reserved time, you have full right to be there. They are the ones that changed their time, so they’ll just have to accommodate you.

    • I will give feedback after our wedding. I don’t want my anger to color their service on our big day. The rehearsal cannot happen at the time we agreed to because the wedding that night will be in the midst of set up. I don’t want to deal with that chaos. We’ve found an earlier time that day and now I’m working on a place to move the party to a brunch rather than a happy hour.

  6. Uh, COMPENSATION! That’s utterly ridiculous! But you WILL get it all done and it will be ok. Though I know you don’t need this added stress right now.

    Also, after the wedding (at some point) you may want to write reviews about your vendors and you should include something about that in there.

  7. This is terrible. Who changes the time of their wedding just two weeks before? I think they owe you something. I’m not sure what, but something!

    • I think she maybe is just now telling me but it changed earlier than this? She says it’s a long story but still, handle it don’t make ME handle it.

  8. Total rookie move from the wedding venue, but shit happens everyday they must deal with … and your inconvenience is just a fallout from that. Just remind yourself that your wedding party has likely set aside that entire day for you, so changing around the timing of the rehearsal likely won’t affect most of them all that much. Why not meet an hour earlier for the rehearsal, wrap it up with a wedding party walk around the neighborhood (to cover the gap in time) and keep your reservations for your post-rehearsal dinner? It will all come together for you; your friends and family will be happy to be there on your very special day; and you’re going to have the time of your life, regardless of what happens 14 days before your event. You’ve got this!

    • We can’t do the rehearsal an hour earlier as that’s when the wedding for that night will be setting up. We’ve pushed it way up to the lunch hour and now I’m looking for a brunch location instead. JUST ONE MORE THING.

  9. I’m with everyone else- change the time to suit their needs, but DEMAND A DISCOUNT! My photographer politely told me after she took a whole roll of film, which contained our sunset ceremony and most group poses afterward, that none of the film forwarded. NO PICTURES!! Luckily, as it was on the beach, tons of people took pics of the ceremony, we hurriedly took all the group shots again with her new camera, all the while I am freaking out. When I was ready to order from the proofs, she was ready to charge me full price. I quickly explained how devasting it was to me and how it would affect her business if I notified the BBB and the photographer’s association about what had happened, she quickly changed her tune. Only charged me the deposit I had made- $200- for all the pics I ordered for me and both our parents. Plus, she developed everyone’s digital pics. Vendors cannot screw with brides and not expect it to cost them. It’s just a part of doing business. They do not want bad press out there from a bride.

    • I have asked for compensation for this trouble but we doubt we’ll get any based on how they have behaved so far. That’s terrible about your photographer but glad you got compensated!

  10. What?! They did not even apologize?! This is ridic. I would tend to think they knew too… and didn’t tell you. I know you will figure it all out, but what a PITA!!!

    • Now she has apologized. We’ll see if they give us any compensation since they are claiming it’s their policy (a verbal one not written in a contract nor was it ever said to us).

  11. Ah Sizzle, that just sucks. I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this so close to your time. Dammit. Dammit.
    That is totally unprofessional of them. Jerks.

    But can I just advise putting your anger on hold for now, dealing with making new arrangements, and focus on the good: The wedding to your dearly beloved Mr Darcy. There will be time to fume later.

    But still. UGH!

    • I’m working through my anger. It’s mostly just a huge spike in stress that I didn’t need. I’m trying so hard to keep my calm! This isn’t helping. I’ll get over it. I’ll find a new plan. And I will not recommend this venue without hesitation in the future (sucks for them since there are TWO wedding planners working on this – me and my friend- which means not getting good recs from us).

  12. I haven’t read all the comments yet but I did read Jaclyn’s and I have to agree with her. While it’s not cool to make last minute changes on you, there could be something else going on that you’re not privy to and that the venue owner can’t tell you about (because, really, would you respect her if she bad-mouthed a different bride?).

    Is it out of the question to move the rehearsal up and then meet later for the happy hour? I know that’s not “traditional” but I’m going to guess your families & bridal party won’t have a problem with it. May throw some kinks into earlier plans but I’m going to guess they won’t mind!

    As for the venue – as a vendor who deals with a lot of weddings myself, sometimes we forget that each bride is their own person – you don’t care that we deal with x-amount of brides each and every day. Nor should you. But sometimes things get lost in translation and there is a good chance she is stressed, too. Especially if she’s an owner or manager. Just another way to look at it.

    Hopefully she realizes her mistake and works to make it better. Also, another suggestion – maybe call her or ask her to call you rather than email. Again, things (tone, seriousness, etc.) can get lost in an email and can sometimes perpetuate a problem more than it needs to be.

  13. Wow – that’s pretty annoying. This may sound a bit left field, but do you actually need a rehearsal? If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get to have a rehearsal at all, and I only met person conducting the ceremony when I showed up at the venue on the day, 5 minutes before the ceremony started! (This was all because of how civil ceremonies are done in my home country, which is not the USA.) We still had an informal ‘rehearsal dinner’ the night before, despite not having an actual rehearsal. I guess there’s no way you could just skip the rehearsal part, and keep your original post-rehearsal dinner plans? Although I think the rehearsal is a big part of wedding customs in the US, so maybe this is not a good idea…

    Regardless, I would be *irate* if someone changed something this big and inconvenient at such short notice. Grrrrrr.

  14. This post just made my blood pressure go up. I’m behind on my reading, so hopefully the next post clears everything up… Ugh what an enormous pain in the ass!

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